The Bastard Queen (Viciously Yours #2)
Chapter Fifteen: Conflicted

~Cillian’s P.O.V. ~

Lifting my hands, I slowly moved them into the positions my father called out. The slight burning in my muscles brought a calming relief to my conflicted mind. After Macha had left us to retire to her tent the night before, my father had immediately begun talking about what went wrong. He was upset that my presence hadn’t triggered her while I was relieved it hadn’t. Now that I’ve seen her, I could tell that pushing her into the transformation would burn her from the inside out. She wasn’t mentally strong enough to handle the power within herself and the cost for that would be her soul. Though the more I went over her words from the other day, the more I was starting to believe she’d already lost it in order to survive Slykhelm.

Crouching into a wide stance with both hands held out in front of me, I twisted my torso slightly and held the position. That’s what had my mind out of sorts. When it came to Macha, I had always listened to what my father had said was best. He knew her better than I did after all, they had a very close relationship and she trusted him completely. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was wrong this time. I didn’t think causing her breakdown in the hopes of triggering the transformation was a good idea. There was only one other time that I had felt like my father was wrong in a decision concerning her. Seeing the repercussions of that decision in person now was what had me even more unwilling to listen to him this time.

When the call came to end the training session, I rose to my full height on shaking legs and pulled my tunic from my waist band. With the threat of the rising sun, the soldiers began to disperse back towards their tents with smiles or groans to wake their families. Shrugging into the sleeveless tunic, I pulled the fabric down over my chest and strided over to where my father stood.

The royal blue C embroidered in his black tunic now held a S in front of it. The initials letting everyone know that he was the Second Commander, the one in charge when I was unavailable. When I no longer had to play a double agent, he’d supposedly retire from the Guard. But it would take a while for everyone to get used to the new power structure, including the Queen herself. The C embroidered into my own tunic had already caused more than a few dumbstruck expressions.

“Father.”

Taking one look at me, my father lifted his hand slightly and a typhoon of wind encased us. “What is it, my son?”

“About this plan for Macha. We shouldn’t continue.”

He arched a gray brow, “You’ve made you feelings on the matter more than clear, Cillian. But we need her to transform.”

“Yes but not this way.”

“Unless you have something else in mind, I don’t see how that’ll happen.”

Dipping my head to look more clearly into his eyes, I stated,“Your not understanding, father. I won’t allow your plan to continue. The way you’re going about it will burn away the rest of her soul.”

“I’m perfectly aware of how much she can handle and she can handle this.”

“No, she can’t. Slykhelm took more from her than we thought it would.”

His voice took on a dismissive tone, “You’ve been here less than a day. You can’t possibly know that. She may be hurting now because it’s still fresh in her mind but she’ll take the power.”

“If you won’t listen to me as your son then you will listen to me as your Commander. You will not bring about Macha’s breakdown. That’s an order.”

My father held my gaze for several long seconds but I wasn’t going to back down this time. Not when the last time I’d held my tongue caused more damage than I could’ve imagined. The wind whipped around us at a brutal speed to match whatever it was my father was feeling inside. Holding firm, I raised my upper lip and flashed pointed teeth in warning.

Finally, the wind slowed until it disappeared completely and my father nodded stiffly at the order. The tension between us was stifling but I knew it would die away after a few hours. “Where’s mother?”

At the mention of his mate, his features softened, “In the cooking tent. She’ll be happy to see you.”

Nodding, I stepped back and turned in the direction of the tent where I’d gotten my dinner from last night. Crossing through a row of tents, I maneuvered around the waking Fae that stumbled from their temporary homes. Passing a cluster of tired looking mothers watching their children race towards the lakes edge, I came before the cooking tent. A sea of blue clothed soldiers loitered about the entrance of the huge white tent and filled their plates from the barrels and platters left out. Keeping my pace, I walked along the side of the crowd to the opening and slipped inside.

The jostling of utensils and bowls filled the air along with a puff flour when a young male tripped with the bag in hand. A tall woman of my height raced over to kneel at his side, her long light green hair streaked through with gray brushing the carpet. Giving him a pat on the back after a few murmured words, the pale woman helped him to his feet with a smile and handed him a ladle. Snatching the bag up off the ground she turned to place it on the nearby table when she caught sight of me in the doorway. Another puff of white flooded the air as the bag slipped from her grip and she came racing towards me.

She was a foot away when she came to a sudden halt and struck me in the shoulder with a closed fist.

Shocked, I gripped my throbbing limb, “Mother.”

“Oh, don’t mother me.” She waved her hand around, “I haven’t seen you in centuries and what do you do? You go see your ungrateful father first. You love him more than me is that? After all I’ve done for you? It wasn’t your father who taught you how to swing those axes, boy. What did I do to deserve such a disrespectful son?”

“Give birth to Bear-Ass.” I remarked dryly.

“Hey! I told you to stop calling him that, Cillian. You know how sensitive your brother is.”

Dropping my hand from my shoulder, I raised a brow just the slightest bit, “Yeah and Bria got all the sense.”

“Speak of the golden child and she shall appear.” A female voice called out from behind.

Turning, I watched in amusement as Bria came to a stop beside us in her soldiers uniform. Mother rolled her eyes at the way Bria stuffed the rest of the pastry she had into her mouth, “Four children and not one with manners.”

Bria smiled, showing the chewed up pastry in her mouth, “Just living like no one’s watching. Exactly like you told us to.”

“If I had known that children used everything you’ve ever said against you, I never would have had any of you.” Mother replied, dramatically pressing a hand to her heart.

“No. If father never knocked you up, you never would’ve had us.”

Her pale green eyes narrowed, “Are you getting smart with me? I’m not too old to kick your ass.”

Fighting the urge to smirk, I remained expressionless and said, “No, Ma’am.”

“Suddenly remembering how I didn’t miss you that much after all.”

Bria barked out a sharp laugh, “Please! All we heard over the centuries was how much you missed him and how they better be feeding him well.”

Pulling a wooden spoon from the back pocket of her chef’s uniform, Mother thrusted it at Bria before turning around to stir the contents of the pot behind her with a mumble.

Shaking my head at them, I looked down to meet Bria’s eyes, “You’re one of Macha’s tent guards right?”

“Yeah, the rest are part of her personal guard.”

“Tell me about these...things you hear at night.”

Pale green eyes shot about the tent before Bria replied in a low voice, “It doesn’t happen every night but she’ll wake up shouting or gasping. Sometimes me or another guard will spot blood on her as well when we go to check on her.”

“Her own?”

She nodded in confirmation.

“What about her eating habits?” I asked, around a tight jaw.

“Dad or Dani will bring her plates but most of the time they’re left full. She’ll tell them she already ate but no one knows if she’s telling the truth.”

“Why do you think she isn’t eating?”

“I don’t know.” She answered while looking over my shoulder.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I dipped my head to catch her gaze again, “You’re a horrible liar for a Fae. What is it?”

“Okay, look.” She said, raising her hands slightly. “I don’t know anything for sure but I think she might be losing her appetite because of the nightmares.”

That sounded like it could be what was causing her not to eat but it also didn’t sit right with me. She wasn’t eating in what was probably days on end because of her nightmares? Macha was way too stubborn for that to be the sole reason she wasn’t eating. And from now on I was going to trust my gut on all things concerning her. I’m her Commander which makes her mental and physical state my responsibility for the good of the people.

Giving Bria a small twitch of my lips in thanks, I took the three steps over to where our mother stood. “What do you usually give Macha for breakfast?”

“You know, your father’s upset you pulled rank on him. He’s only ever tried to do right by her. Macha’s practically his daughter.”

Not feeling comfortable enough to tell her that he hasn’t always, I spoke like she hadn’t. “It might be the food that’s causing her to lose her appetite.”

“What?” Mother slammed the spatula against the pan, “My food’s delicious. That’s ridiculous, I give her the tastiest pieces of everything and use the freshest ingredients. Macha eats like a Queen as she should.”

That might be the problem. “Is there any porridge?”

“Of course. It’s over in that big brass pot.”

Catching sight of the pot she was talking about, I drifted over to it’s side and pulled out two wooden bowls. “Is it plain?”

“Yes, for the little ones.”

Nodding in response, I went about ladling a small amount into both bowls and added a dash of chocolate powder over one. Sliding a spoon into each, I spun around to leave and almost spilled them all over my mother’s white top.

“What do you think you’re doing? You can’t give her that plain porridge.”

Raising a sliver brow, I kept silent.

An expression of horror crossed over her features, “Cillian, no! The Queen can’t eat that, you’ll embarrass me.”

“She’ll know I was the one who got her breakfast from the lack of care.”

Not waiting a minute more, I raised the bowls and carefully slid past her angry form. Using my shoulder, I pushed the tent opening back and began the walk over to the large blue tent that shined like a beacon. A few Fae stared in confusion while others took on a more fearful expression but none stopped my trekk to their Queens tent.

The light morning breeze gave a faint tug to my tunic as a slow beat of desire throbbed through my body. Turning my head in the direction I assumed it was coming from, I caught sight of the short pale Nymph who had been straddling Macha the night before. The distraction. I wasn’t sure of Macha’s type when it came to women but if I had to guess, the Nymph fit the bill. The weak always drew the strong, I thought in disgust.

Glaring at the long haired weakling threatening to distract our Queen, I paused in my walk to stare her down. Meek green eyes met silver in a clash that held for several seconds before she morphed into the tree behind her. Amusement flooded me at how quickly she backed down, definitely not the type of Consort Macha needed. Shaking my head, I walked up to the two guards standing beside the shimmering blue tent a few feet away. They nodded in greeting when they saw me coming before looking forward once more.

“Is the Queen awake?”

The Fae with lilac streaks through his tightly curled hair nodded, “The Queen woke up about an hour ago, Commander.”

“Woke up or moved from the bed an hour ago?”

The two guards glanced at each other, “We’re not sure, Commander.”

Huffing, I passed between them to slip inside the cozy tent.

In the corner beside the entrance, a small eating area had been set up and a desk with two chairs took up the space in the middle area nearby. The back right corner held a large bed piled high with furs and pillows while the area directly across from it was blocked by a changing screen. Plush carpet cushioned the flooring and muffled my footsteps as I moved to place the bowls on the desk. The click of wood on wood must have finally alerted her to my presence because a sigh sounded out from behind the screen.

“What’s he really doing here, Dougal? Why didn’t you tell me from the beginning that he was on our side? Though it probably wouldn’t have mattered much anyways. He said he helped me escape but is that supposed to make locking me up, okay? In what fucked up realm, does helping someone escape after seven hundred and fifty years of torment you put them through balance out?”

My heart gently clenched at hearing the soft defeated voice she spoke in. That wasn’t a tone I recognized coming from her and I’m sure it was one I was never meant to hear.

“It doesn’t.”

Water splashed at the sound of my voice and then a long moment of tense silence gripped us in its hand. “Cillian?” She called out in a tone that I was far more familiar with. Anger.

“Here’s the truth, Cell Bait.” I called back, dropping into one of the desk chairs with my eyes on the screen. “My father had been grooming me to take over his position for a long time. As soon as Mab threw you out into the Outerlands actually. Apparently his heart just wasn’t in it anymore, he couldn’t pretend like he still agreed with Mab’s actions. And I can’t say I agreed with her actions either. Mab has never been the type of Queen that I wanted to serve. Centuries had gone by when one night on too many sugared ales, my father realized how I truly felt about Mab and her Winter Court. That’s when he told me the truth about who you were and who you could be. When the inevitable battle between you and Mab was about to begin, my father stepped down from his position.-”

“I have no desire to take Mab’s place on the Unseelie throne.” She interrupted harshly.

I smiled at the white screen, “We have no intention of making you the Unseelie Queen. Don’t interrupt, Cell Bait. It’s rude.” You’re meant for a much bigger throne.

“Right, how could I be rude to the male who almost killed me.”

Ignoring her bitter words, I continued, “My father left me with specific orders in order for our plan to work. I was told to do as he said and keep you alive so I did. We needed you to live, Macha. I didn’t miss your heart on accident, I missed it on purpose. And Slykhelm was the only place that Mab would continue to allow you to breathe for a long period of time. It was also the only place that we could bring you back from. Fae, for all our magicks, can’t bring someone back from the stars.”

“If you helped me escape, how’d you do it? How’d you know that I was planning to escape?” She asked, the sounds of water splashing followed her words before the creak of wood could be heard.

“I didn’t. I noticed Dani flirting with a guard a week before and knew that you two had gotten into contact or she was acting alone. So, I waited. A couple of days later when I got word that a female Fae was transferred to the mail room from a different prison, I acted. Snuck into the interrogation room you were being held in while you were knocked out and loosened the chains.”

Macha snorted, “Interrogation rooms? I didn’t figure you the diplomatic type, Cillian. Call them what they were, torture chambers.”

“When you escaped, I tried to track you down to tell you all of this but you attacked as soon as you saw me.” I replied, the sound of fabric scraping over skin teasing my ears.

“Say I lost my brain and I believe you. Are you staying here now as my Commander indefinitely? Is that your only role in this war?”

“No. I’ll be continuing my role as a double agent until I get my hands on Mab’s final war plans. I’ll be splitting my time between here and there.”

Metal clicked from behind the screen, “And what if you’re caught?”

“I’ll meet my ancestors in the stars, proud of what I’ve done here.”

Silence, thick and suffocating, coated the tent once more as Macha took her time coming up with a reply. Eventually, the sounds of humming could be heard coming from the other side of the screen but I kept my mouth shut. Staying silent, I listened to bare feet hitting the carpet repeatedly and a surprisingly jaunty tune. It was one note that sounded like it hit the back of her throat followed by three higher pitched notes. Strange because I’d never heard a tune quite like the one she was humming. Was it an older one? One from the old Unseelie tradition?

The humming cut off suddenly as she stepped out from behind the screen, “I was actually asking if you’d rat out everyone here under the threat of pain.”

With her fully in view, it was like I’d suddenly lost all the words I’d ever known. Long royal blue hair pulled up tight behind her head made her tanzanite colored eyes shine out from her rich brown skin. The gray tunic she wore hugged her small chest and curved sides while the leather trousers looked painted over her insanely long legs. Matching the bombshell of a woman in front of me to the skinny child who had a crush on me was difficult. Which in turn made it harder to kill my attraction to her.

“Did you hear me dickhead or are you dense?”

Thankfully, there was no way she felt the same attraction. “My loyalty has always been yours. Even if you don’t believe it, I took the Oath remember? I couldn’t tell them anything even if I wanted to.”

We locked eyes for a while until she nodded stiffly, “Not really like I have a choice right?”

“Not after the Oath, no.”

Macha huffed in annoyance, waist chains clanking against swaying hips as she strode towards the tent entrance.

Reaching over, I snagged her wrist and put a stop to her exit. “Your not going anywhere until-”

Blue eyes shot to my hand on her wrist and then my eyes before pain exploded out from my hand to race up my arm. A dark rage twisted her beautiful features into something truly dangerous as she flashed pointed teeth, “Don’t. Touch. Me.”

There she was.

Holding her fiery gaze, I hid the sharp flares of pain pulsing from my wrist from my face and finished my sentence, “you eat.”

The blue needles drilled deeper into my hand while her upper lip raised to show more of her sharp teeth,“Let me go before I decide that honoring deals is too old fashion.”

Scanning the expression on her face, that gave even me pause, I released my grip on her and immediately felt the needles rip free of my skin. I bit my tongue at the pain and almost instantly, Macha’s entire demeanor changed. Gone was the woman who looked like she’d dig around in my stomach with iron tongs for pleasure and in her place stood a reasonably sane one. The quick transition would’ve been more than a little concerning but unlike most, I knew that this was who she had always been. If not angrier than ever before. It was reassuring to see her this way but I could tell now with absolute certainty she wasn’t a hundred percent herself. Macha’s control over her reactions were better than this. The humming and no touching was also new and would be addressed later when she wasn’t as on edge.

Rosy lips rolled back into a smirk when her eyes glanced down at the damage she caused, “That looks like it hurts, Cillian. Take the day off and rest up.” And with that, she continued her walk to the exit with a little hop in her step.

“You need to eat, Cell Bait.”

“I already did.” She replied, in a sing-song tone.

Liar.

Turning in my chair, I looked at the bowls of porridge. “What a shame,” I hummed. “I guess the chocolate will just go to waste then.”

Boots scuffed over the carpet as she came to an unprepared stop. Her head turned slowly to side eye me, “Did you say...chocolate?”

“Never mind, you ate. I’ll eat it.” I said, pulling the bowls closer to my body.

A second later, her bowl was roughly yanked out of my injured hand, “Now that I think of it, I could eat.”

Looking down to hide my twitching lips, I dug a spoon into my bowl while she sank down into the chair across from me. Taking a bite, I watched with a blank face as she flattened the top of her food before scooping some out.

“Anything I should know about the deal you struck with this Troll before we arrive at her place?”

Without looking up from her food she mumbled something that sounded a lot like, Way to trap yourself in your own fucking deal, Macha. Of course, he’d be coming.

Amused, I asked loudly, “What was that?”

“I’m sure your father told you everything. Just stay out of the way, don’t talk, and don’t involve yourself in our interaction.” She smiled brightly, “In fact, just pretend like you’re a ghost. Or better yet, die.”

“Thanks for the suggestions but no. As your Commander I will intervene if things go badly.”

Swallowing her bite, Macha shot me a dirty look, “They weren’t suggestions but orders. From your Queen.”

I nodded, “Correct, ones I’m going to ignore.”

“You can’t ignore my orders.”

“I can when they put you, the Queen, in potential harm.” I said, taking another bite.

Blue eyes narrowed, “I can handle myself.”

“That has yet to be seen.”

Scraping the sides of the bowl, she took her last bite and stood, “Stay out of the way, Cillian. I’m not fucking around.”

“Good. Neither am I.”

Checking to make sure she ate it all, I mentally hummed in satisfaction at the empty bowl. Standing up, I motioned for her to exit the tent first. Following behind her, I narrowed my eyes at the tent guard watching her backside as she went. Stepping up behind her, I blocked his view of her and rolled my shoulders to rid myself of the agitation he caused. Did her movements really need to scream sex like they did? Was it necessary?

“Do you need to be so close?” She snapped.

“Yes.” I barked back. “Now, move. We’re wasting daylight.”

Without a word, she flung her hand down releasing a blue knife that nailed my foot to the ground. Cursing, I bent down to rip it free from the edge of my boot as she skipped away. This infuriating woman was going to get me in trouble. I could feel it.

——

Whew! This chapter is loooong. What do you guys think about Cillian so far? What about Dougal? And y’all finally met Orlaith, Dougals mate/Cillians mom! How was it reading about Macha from Cillians POV??

As always, feel free to comment if you enjoyed it!

Smooches, Verbage💋

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