Wizard for Hire
Chapter Thirteen — A Demon in the Disabled Toilets

Felix grabbed his wand, aimed it at the sim-card holder, until it popped open. Pocketing the sim-card, he then turned the phone off. For a moment, I thought he might smash it to bits.

“So…” he said. “If I am right in thinking, they just used my device to track my location, which means they can now place us both here, at this house, with a dead body, that was killed by magic, exactly the same way as the other murder they think I did.”

A torrent of swear words my Grandma would be proud of, streamed forth from my filthy mouth.

“So we’re fucked then?!” I cried. “That’s it, 30 years in jail where—” I was about to list all the horrible things that would happen to me, before Felix grabbed me by the shoulders and shook.

“Snap out of it Norton!” he screamed in my face. That was one way of doing it. “Now, more than ever, it’s imperative we find some sort of evidence in this house that will find us innocent.”

“And how do we do that?”

“We find out anything we can about this Creep who actually did murder Kriston, but also find anything that links Kriston to that ring and why he had it.”

I took on this new challenge with gusto, the alternative weighing heavy. Prison had always terrified me and I vowed to do everything in my life to avoid it; be a good boy, follow the rules, do the right thing.

Scanning round the house, the wizard called at me from the study that we had around 10 minutes maximum. I felt terrible rifling through Kriston’s possessions, it was terribly uncouth to rummage around a dead man’s things. But needs must.

After a few minutes of frantic searching, not knowing what I was looking for, I started feeling panic creep in: tight chest, wobbly stomach, feeling of helplessness.

“What was that?” said Felix, tip-toeing down the stairs, finger pointing at the front door.

“What was what?”

“I heard a noise. Quick, look out the window.”

I moved to the living room’s large bay window and peeked out. An old lady next door was tenting to her garden. “Just the neighbour,” I said.

“Phew,” said Felix darting back upstairs.

Leaving the bottom of the house and re-joining Felix on the second floor, I opened a door to a spare room. Well kept, but very empty, it was perhaps used as a spare room or office. A small camp bed stood folded in the corner to my right. Gentle breeze drifted through the net curtains from a window left slightly ajar. A large desk stood nearest it, with well ordered papers. Slotting between wall and hearth was an old bureau. Glancing out the window to see if there were any police in the street below, and glad to see it empty, I opened the bureau door and peered inside. It was full to bursting with half-open letters, envelopes, stacks of papers, amongst an array of other assorted correspondences. Pulling out letters and having a quick read, nothing struck me as vital evidence to prove our innocence.

I was about to shut the door and leave it when a glint of silver reflected off a stream of sunshine. Further inside, atop one of the small shelves was a small round disc.

Written upon it was:

Vitalie’s Casino

£5000

VIP

I didn’t think much of it at the time, but it was the only thing I found that struck me as interesting and didn’t want to return to the wizard empty handed. Also, we could always cash it in and get paid, I think £5000 would just about cover the fee for finding out where the ring was, and the trauma for the intervening time spent evading the police who would wrongly accuse of us of double-murder.

“NORTON!” Felix cried. “Help me wipe down.”

I pocketed the poker chip and jogged downstairs, where the wizard was guiding four dusters with his wand, wiping the surfaces of finger prints.

“Did you touch anything that I haven’t wiped?”

“Err,” I thought quickly, but didn’t have time to answer. Felix bolted upright, the cloths fell to the floor.

Sound: the squeal of tyres driving fast round a bend. The police had just turned into the road.

“Let’s go,” said Felix turning towards the backdoor. Obviously we were going to run through gardens again. Oh joy. In that adrenaline filled moment, a thought struck Felix. “Hang on…”

He quickly rattled off his idea: if he still had some third-eye potion floating round him which he used to see what happened to Kriston. Then, perhaps he could find out where the dog Harry was, by touching his dog lead.

It didn’t make any sense to me. “Why do you want to find the dog?”

At this, Felix snapped his fingers and grinned. “Knew you’d come in handy,” he said charging towards the front door, as flashing blue lights shone through the window.

“Felix?!” I called nervously. “They’re here.”

Next to the front door was a coat stand, Felix plucked a black leather dog lead from it. Instantly, upon touching it, his head flew back, eyes went black and he started talking. I wanted to interrupt and say we didn’t have time; police were coming up the pathway!

“I am the dog, I can see what he saw… the door creaks open… Kriston is scared… I am scared… the Creep is after the ring, we know that… then he kills Kriston… and…”

BANG! “Open up. POLICE!”

Felix continued regardless: “… I feel a rush of pain at seeing my owner hurt… but I am too scared to do anything… the Creep sees me and realises the ring is in me… I feel a strange swelling inside my stomach… BLAM! I’ve teleported. I’m in a park… I recognise it…”

I gave Felix a hard shove. “Snap out of it!” I cried, pulling him up. The black left his eyes and he stood, jelly-legged. Seeing the police already at the door, snapped him into escape mode.

We turned and ran.

Sticky weed and nettles covered my trousers, and I had a soaking wet foot, where I had trod in a pond. Felix of course was bone dry. We exited the garden’s onto a quiet residential street, still the sound of police sirens were easily heard a few blocks away.

“We’ve got to find that dog Norton. It could be our get out of jail free card.”

I struggled to see how it could be such a thing, but what other choice did we have?

The wizard made me call for an Uber, so we could go back to Trafalgar Square and get my car. At first I thought how nice of him to think of me for once, but I was soon to realise that this apparent altruism was not solely for my purpose.

I did as he asked and we got into the Prius, heading back to Trafalgar.

“Is this such a good idea?” I said. “Going back there?”

“Maybe not, but we need your car.”

I sighed. “It’s probably been clamped by now anyway.”

Felix still had the dog lead in his pocket and kept touching it very slightly.

We got out, thanking Mohammed, and snuck slyly across the street. “Walk normally,” said Felix. “Don’t attract attention.”

“What like blowing up Nelson’s Column? Yeah, I’ll try my best.”

I stopped creeping, as per the wizards wishes, and walked casually. Passing the cafe we were in earlier and turning the corner, Felix stopped sharp. He saw something of danger ahead. I looked about to see if I could identify what he had seen. The road was packed with people; shoppers and tourists. My car was still there, thank god, the only silver one in a line of 10 black and navy cars.

There was a man standing opposite my car, leaning against the wall smoking and checking his phone. Felix had him in his sights. He took the small flask of potion we filled earlier and took a swig. His eyes almost went into the back of his head. “Ergh!” he went, gagging against the taste. “Wait here.”

Gladly, I watched as Felix nonchalantly passed the man, who didn’t even look up. Felix turned back and pretended to know the man, I heard him say: “How the devil are you? Long time, no see!”

Felix reached a hand out for the man to shake, he looked confused for a second but went along with it and they shook. The wizard’s eyes went slightly funny as he tried to contain what he was seeing, and pretended to have a coughing fit, bending down so the man couldn’t see him.

“Take care of yourself!” said Felix, standing a second later.

Felix walked back towards me and pushed me back around the corner out of sight. “He’s undercover police. I just had to make sure. They’ve got him watching your car.”

“How come he didn’t recognise you?”

“Made a facial overlay of myself,” Felix demonstrated it, his face changing to that of an older gentleman, completely different from his own. I looked around nervously in case any one just saw that. “These sheeple don’t see anything,” he said. “Anyway, I can only keep it going a few seconds, the wand isn’t powerful enough to sustain a holographic overlay that long. And it hurts my face.” He said rubbing it.

“So what now?”

“Get your car keys ready.”

A slither of apprehension filled me at these words. I followed him back to the car, fear rising in me. “Go straight to the car Norton.”

This time, the man looked up and did recognise us. In a mad panic, he didn’t know what to do first. Phone for backup or reach for his taser. Felix had his wand trained subtly towards the man, from inside his sleeve.

The man’s phone melted like hot wax through his hand, before he suddenly screamed as the taser began to come alive in his pocket. Small flashes of blue light in his back pocket, made him jump around the road like looney. What he didn’t realise was his shoe laced tied were tied together, so he fell to the floor, writhing like a snake.

“Hurry up and get in the car!” said Felix. I yanked the ticket off the windscreen (another £100!) and started the engine, revving loudly as a small crowd gathered about the writhing man.

“Drive towards the coast,” Felix commanded.

“Which coast?!” I said. “I don’t know if you realised this, but Britain is an Island, it’s all coast!”

My nerves were shattered to bits, like they were made from glass. I drove through rush-hour London traffic, my hands trembling. The wizard had his eyes closed again, either because he felt travel sick because of the potion or he was deep in thought.

I took the first road I saw out of London, heading towards Dartford.

“All I can sense is that he’s by the sea,” said Felix touching the dog’s lead again. “Problem is, he’s teleported three times already. That ring inside him is a teleporting-fucking-ring Norton! Do you know how valuable that is?!”

“Very?” I offered.

For a while I thought Felix was asleep. As I entered Essex, aimlessly driving hoping he would start directing me soon, he suddenly cried: “I CANT SEE HIM!”

I swerved and nearly hit the car next to me, forcing them to blow the horn at me.

“You stupid idiot!” I cried. “What did you shout like that?”

“I’ve lost contact.” He chucked the dog lead on the back seat. “Had too much potion, third-eye has closed up.”

After a few more seconds of huffing and puffing at this apparent annoyance, he said. “Take this turning here.”

I dutifully followed his direction, pulling off the main road and down onto a narrow country road which wound on for miles. “I’m going to have to do something unpleasant if we want to beat this Creep to the ring.”

After more winding country roads, we came to a small run down petrol station. Felix went inside, straight to the toilets before I had even got my seatbelt off. Seemingly appeased, he ran back to the car. “You coming or what?”

I got out and stretched. “What we doing?”

“Getting help,” he said.

Ah, music to my ears. However, the kind of help he was talking about was not what I would class as friendly help.

The wizard opened my car boot and pulled out a large duffle-bag that I had never seen before. “What’s that?” I said.

“It’s my portable bag of magic,” he said matter of factly.

I locked the car and followed him into the service station. “Right, but what is it doing in my boot?”

“Put it there when I first met you. It’s my magical essentials bag. For emergencies.”

The lady behind the counter looked a mixture of scared and curious as Felix re-entered with a large hold-all. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to rob you. I need to be left undisturbed in the disabled toilets for a while with my friend.”

Like leaving the stinkiest fart in the world just hanging in mid-air, he marched off to the toilet. “Norton!” he cried.

“It’s nothing weird, we’re government agents.”

She nodded, I think she believed me.

Felix locked me inside a small, dirty disabled toilets with the flick of his wand. “What are you going to do?”

“Raise a demon.”

I stood in shook. “Seriously?” Fiddling with the lock on the door I realised it wouldn’t budge. “Should I wait outside? I might get a coffee. Do you want one?” I said desperately.

“Don’t shit yourself Norton,” said the wizard, unravelling his bag of magic on the piss soaked floor. “It’s nothing like the last demon, this one will be under my control.”

With no escape and numerous protestations from me, the wizard proceeded to mark the floor with chalk and salt. It took about fifteen minutes to light several different coloured candles, finish the complicated markings on the floor, and place a small bowl of his own blood in the middle of it. He even had me turn the lights out.

This was followed by him kneeling on the floor, reading aloud from a book, what sounded like gobble-de-gook words.

It felt like the air was being slowly sucked from the room until my ears felt funny, like they do when your on a flight.

For the wizard to tell me not to shit myself because this demon would be under control was ridiculous in hindsight. When the thing did arrive, on cue, inside the salt circle next to the toilet, I felt complete terror grip me. A shard of ice ran down my spine as the silky black substance rose from the ground. The only thing remotely human about this black-smoke-entity was the eyes, which shined blue towards us.

“Zagakowski,” said Felix, to which the demon bowed.

I wondered why the wizard had made me stay in here with him to watch this torrid display. “I need you to tell me the final location of a creature. In return for this, I offer you my blood. To help you in this search, I provide you with one dog possession.”

Felix chucked the lead into the demon’s salt circle.

Picking it up, a large snout protruded from the smoke-black face and sniffed as loud as a vacuum cleaner.

In a voice that I can only describe as what I would imagine a snake to sound like if it could speak English, said: “Place you request of dog is—Tintagel—Merlin Cave.”

“Perfect!” Felix cried.

“Another,” said Zagakowski. “Already half there.”

Felix rolled his eyes and sighed. “Oh no, so the Creep knows about it too?”

Zagakowski nodded. “More powerful.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” said Felix. “Thanks Zagakowski. I pay you in my blood.” Felix handed over the bowl of his blood, which I had to watch him extract from his arm earlier.

The demon Zagakowski, did the most disgusting thing, he lent down and sucked with an almighty intake of air. Absorbing the blood seemed to be like the ultimate high. In a few seconds the black smoke seemed to morph into more of a human shape. With that, it bowed and descended down into the floor.

Felix rolled up his equipment, in abandonment at the preservation of it, simply chucking it into his holdall. “Start the car! We’re gong to Cornwall.”

I darn’t argue with him, he was more charged than nuclear power station. When he unlocked the door, the lady from behind the counter, was standing behind it. She took one look at the floor, the candles, the salt, the spilt blood… and screamed.

14

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