When Summer Dies
Chapter 8: Doubting, Still

After they’d finished eating dinner the very same day, Keri pulled out a worn, graying world map. “If we’re caught,” he said. “I’ll protect you. But if I fail, then you should know where to go, so you will get back to safety.”

Maria nodded, and didn’t say that she already knew her way to the Human Kingdom.

Keri bent forward and tapped a blank spot in the middle of Leron and the Demon/Were Barriers. “This is where we are,” he said. “And this is where we’re going.” He proceeded to trace a pretty straight line from their spot to the Demon/Were Barriers.

Maria frowned, and rubbed her chin as she leaned forward. “We’re really close to the coast,” she pointed out. “Do you really think that’s safe? I know there are quite a lot of storms in this area.”

Keri raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You think so? I don’t. All this good weather can’t have been just good luck.”

Give him time, Maria told herself. He needs time. “I know for a fact that there is a lot of storms in this area,” Maria assured him. “I was taught as much.”

Keri shrugged. “It’s probably gonna be fine,” he dismissed, and waved his hand. “Don’t worry so much! I’d think more about staying hidden than the weather.” He started folding the map again, and muttered, underneath his breath, “I’d prefer not to associate with that scum anyway.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“That scum,” Keri repeated loudly. “Demons. I don’t want to associate with them at all.”

Maria bristled. “Why not?”

“They are unworthy of my attention, is all,” Keri shrugged, and stuffed the map into his backpack. “You up for a game of cards?”

And Maria knew that she would never be able to fall in love with him.

“Hey, Princess?”

“Hmm?”

“You ever been in love before?”

Maria nearly fell off the horse. Only her light grip on Keri’s loose shirt kept her on the horseback. “I -” she stuttered. “No, I, ah, I haven’t.”

“Really?” Keri said, and there was genuine surprise in his voice. “A beauty like yourself must’ve had a lot of interested people, though?”

“I mean, I guess,” Maria said. “But I’ve never been interested back, not really. Why?”

Keri gave a low, happy hum, and the muscles under her palms relaxed. “I have,” he said. “When I was training to become a knight.”

Maria perked up. “Oh? Do tell.”

“His name was Matthew,” Keri begun, and his voice took an aloft and dreamy tone. “He was two years younger than me. He had the most gorgeous, green eyes, and his hair was so pale it was almost like snow. His voice reminded me of honey, and – I’m sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?”

“No,” Maria lied. “Not at all.”

“Okay,” Keri beamed. “It was nothing more than a fling, but I was deeply in love, and so was he.

“Was it a happy relationship?”

“Oh, yes,” Keri assured her. “Definitely. There was nothing but softness and something pure between us, and although the flame of our relationship was short-lived, it burned brightly and hotly.”

Maria found herself smiling. “That’s adorable,” she sighed. “What happened between you?”

The muscles under her hands tensed, and Keri went silent for a while before answering. “I don’t know,” he muttered. “Matthew told me that I wasn’t right for him. It was a clean breakup, though. Most of my feelings had faded, so it was easy to let each other go.”

“I’m sorry,” Maria said. Why had she asked again? She should have realized it was something bad. “Are you only attracted to men, or-?”

Was this too personal to ask? Probably – but she deserved to know, if she were to marry him.

“Oh, no!” Keri exclaimed, and laughed. “By Nie, no. If I did I would’ve already told you that I was, so that you wouldn’t have to marry someone who’d never love you. I’m bisexual. Attracted to both genders.”

Maria frowned. Both genders? Not – two genders? Not men and women? Not the binary genders?

Both genders.

“Oh,” she said. “Okay.”

This is what I want, Maria reminded herself harshly. This is what I need.

Maria had curled up close to the fire with her Täk dictionary in her hands and a blanket around her shoulders, when Keri gave a frustrated cry. “Argh, why is it so goddamned cold?” he complained. “I hate it! I hate all this snow! May Nie make it burn!”

Maria blinked. “It’s not that bad,” she said. “It’s worse in Summer.”

Keri, who’d started jumping around to regain some warmth, froze and stared at her with wide, disbelieving eyes. “It’s worse? How can Summer be worse?”

Maria laughed. “Oh, that’s right. You only experienced the roylor part of Summer – the cool part.” When Keri’s confusion only seemed to grow, Maria giggled and closed her book. “You see, Summer is really warm. Like, infuriatingly so. You’re burning up from the inside out. It’s horrible in its own right – and in that way, Winter is better, because you can just cuddle up to the fire. You can’t do that in Summer.”

Keri tilted his head and wrinkled his nose. “I don’t get it. How can the change be so huge?”

Maria shrugged. “I don’t know. It just is like that, I guess.”

“Is there really nothing good about Summer?”

“Oh, there absolutely is,” Maria assured him. “You should see the sky at night! So many stars, beautiful and sparkling and lighting up the whole world!” She beamed at the memory of her and Cerron strolling through the Gardens at midnight, gazing at the stars and pointing out constellations and the legends behind them.

Keri didn’t smile back. “You sound like you actually enjoyed yourself in that dark hole,” he said

Maria blinked. “I mean,” she said, and her gaze darted to the left. “I wasn’t tortured or anything.”

“Well, what did you do?”

“Read some books, was taught some language, ate my vegetables, walked in the Gardens, got to know the servants…” Maria listed, perplexed at why he was making such a fuss out of this. “Why? Something wrong?”

Keri frowned, but shook his head. “No,” he said, not quite a drawl, but close. A creeping sense of horror crawled up Maria’s back. “I just don’t think it’s healthy to think of Demons as anything less than captors and kidnappers.”

Maria bit back a vicious snarl as the horror turned to unexpected anger. “You know I wasn’t kidnapped, right?” she said. “It was all a ploy to find me a husband.”

Keri laughed. “Yeah, that’s a good joke,” he said. “As if anyone would go there willingly!”

“I was a guest,” Maria snapped. “I was a guest, and I could leave at any time I wished!”

Keri chuckled. “Yeah, that’s a nice thought, ain’t it? I wish, but no. Come on, now, help me find the ingredients for today’s dinner.”

Maria spluttered before shutting her mouth with a snap. She swallowed down her next retort and ignored the taste of bile at the back of her throat.

Determinedly, she decided not to give him the pleasure of arguing. It would be no use. He wouldn’t believe her, anyway.

Well, perhaps she’d be able to convince him to see the truth someday. Until then… with a sigh, Maria got up and reached for her bag to help make dinner.

“Okay, so a block of cheese and more bread. Got it?”

Maria nodded, and accepted the handful of coins Keri offered. “I got it,” she assured him. “And you?”

“I’m gonna get us some milk,” Keri informed her, and began to walk away. “We can afford to travel a bit luxuriously.”

Before Maria could give any reply, she lost sight of his back in the crowd of Demons, and she shrugged. He’d find her when he finished. He always did.

It didn’t take long to find a place that sold cheese, and after placing that in a bag, Maria moved on to try and find someone who sold bread, no matter what kind. The loaf had disappeared into hungry mouths after only two days. Maria was to blame for that, though, and not only because she loved loaf. There was a crow that would, every now and then, land in a nearby tree and caw painfully at her until she threw some bread at it.

Oh! Over there was a booth selling bread. Maria hurried over to it, but there was no one behind the counter. A sign was hung up from the roof, and it read, in Täk – “out for lunch! Soon back! My familiar is guarding, so watch it!”

Maria pouted, but decided to hang around until the owner came back again. Meanwhile she could inspect the goods or something, she decided, and leaned against a solid wooden support beam nearby.

Out from the busy bustling of the streets, a thin voice said a name she recognized. “-worried about King Cerron.”

“Oh? Why?” another voice, raspy and gangly like a spider, said.

Maria straightened, and peeked around the beam she’d been leaning against. Two old Demons were talking together right around the corner, wearing thinner clothes than most without looking cold at all. “He’s acting like before, again,” the first voice, the wrinkly lady, said. “Treating his servants and advisors unfairly and keeping a lot to himself.”

“Oh,” the man sighed. “I know what you mean. I heard his eyes are dark all the time, too.”

Maria’s breath hitched in her throat as something cracked in her chest. “Oh, Cerron,” she breathed, eyebrows knitting together in an unhappy frown. To that day, the only time she’d seen Cerron’s eyes flash dark was the first full day she spent at the castle. Why would he be so angry now? Could it be something the Merfolk Queens had done, again? They’d been bothering him when she –

Maria swallowed. She wouldn’t think about that.

“Yes, I heard that, too,” the lady nodded. “Things are turning back to normal.”

The man sighed again, and shook his head mournfully. “It’s because she’s gone.”

“Who, the King’s Jewel?”

The man nodded. “Aye, the Human Princess. She was a good influence on him.”

Time slowed down, and the ground tilted beneath her feet. Maria reached up to touch the soft woolen scarf covering her head and lower face, desperately adjusting it so that she could breathe more easily.

A good influence? Had Cerron been a bad King before Maria had arrived? She could’ve sworn that he had been doing well the last few moons – but, then again, she didn’t know how he’d been acting before she’d knocked on the castle doors.

Was that why he was mad? Why he was keeping to himself?

Because she had –

oh.

The old lady sighed softly. “Poor creature,” she muttered sadly, and shook her head. “I hope she’s safe, wherever she is.”

I – Maria thought. I don’t know.

“Hello,” a new voice said, and Maria started badly before spinning around to face the newcomer. A young girl with the ice-blue eyes of a siren but the sharp fangs of a werewolf stared back at her with a startled look on her soft features. A Hybrid, then. “Uhm. How can I help you?”

Maria blinked. “One bread, please. A whole, not just a half,” she said, anxiously tugging her scarf back over the lower parts of her face to hide herself. When she handed over the money her hand shook, and it wasn’t because of the cold.

Being on the road was terribly boring. There wasn’t much to do except talk to Keri, help set a camp, make dinner, or read the two books she’d brought with her – and that was quickly becoming boring, as well. Maria had all but memorized Stories of the Ice and Stone, and had plowed through most of the thick Täk dictionary, too.

They were nearing the Demon/Were Barriers, and that meant that Maria would be able to get some new books – the Werefolk Kingdom was famous for her vide variety of books, which you could buy at any and every corner.

After rereading Stories of the Ice and Stone for the seventh time, Maria slammed the book shut and rubbed at her eyes. She was mixing up names, again. Ünnen, but this was tiring.

Keri looked up from sharpening his sword. “You okay over there?”

“Yep,” Maria chirped. “I’m fine.”

“Okay,” Keri drawled uncertainly, raising an eyebrow skeptically. “No matter,” he muttered, and shook his head. “This is our last night sleeping out under the sky. Tomorrow we’ll find a tavern somewhere and sleep there.”

Maria wanted to scream. First, he said that he wanted to steer clear of Demons to avoid suspicion, and then he decided that they might as well sleep at a tavern – where was the logic?

“Is that safe?” Maria said, instead of pulling off her hair, like she wanted to. “I would wait until we’re out of the Demon Kingdom before risking that.”

Keri waved his hand dismissively, and grinned. “It’s fine,” he said. “No way will we be found now. If we’ve managed to stay hidden the last two weeks, we can stay hidden now, too.”

“If you say so,” Maria sighed. “How are we going to get past the Barriers?”

Keri shrugged. “Jump onto a passing caravan to slip out. Pretend to be traders. Something.”

Maria rubbed at her temple and muttered into her palm. “Okay,” she said, with fake happiness and a sharp smile. “Okay. That’s fine. Perfect.”

A few hours later, after Keri had fallen asleep, Maria sat next to the fire and hid her face in her knees.

Three days, maximum. And then she’d be out of the Demon Kingdom. She’d return to dad, the Humans would greet her with parades and flowers and gifts, and then she’d marry Keri.

Three days, and she’d be out. She’d never walk through the quiet halls of the castle, never walk beside Cerron in the Gardens, never laugh with Dinna next to the fireplace in her room, never visit the libraries, never be elbow deep in dirt with a frustrated Cerron next to her, never, never, never.

She couldn’t turn around now. It was too late for second thoughts; she’d made her choice when she jumped out of her bedroom window, late at night.

How was Cerron faring? Maria could imagine how Dinna had reacted to the note; horror, then desperation, and then sorrow. She’d run, really run, to find Cerron, and Cerron -

Maria bit her knuckles to keep in a sob as tears welled up in her eyes. Oh, poor, poor Cerron – how could she have left him like that? Her first true friend? The first Creature to treat her like a normal person, and not just a doll – ever?

And Dinna – sweet, innocent Dinna, who just wanted to live her life out to the full inside of a castle…

Corel, and Dannet, and Cerron’s crow, Kieran - and everyone else, really!

Oh, Nie, why was she so stupid? If only she hadn’t jumped out of that window – Keri was always watching her, she couldn’t just run away now – and if she did, she would probably slip and break something! She had absolutely no experience about walking in snow, besides the thin crust that covered the paths in the Gardens.

Back in Leron, they had accepted her. Cerron respected her, he was calm and collected, he listened when she had a problem, he accepted her.

Keri never would.

May Gera take my soul!

A loud, pained caw broke through the silent atmosphere, and Maria started. She looked up from her knees, but knew that it was useless. The fire didn’t give enough light to brighten their surroundings so much that she’d see a bird sitting in a nearby tree, after all.

But the crow wasn’t sitting in a nearby tree. It was sitting right in front of her, and Maria gasped before shuffling back. She dried away the tears sticking to her cheeks and scowled. “What do you want?” she bit, but the bird only cocked its head at her.

Wait… there was something familiar about it…

Maria gasped again. “Kieran?” she breathed. “Is that you?”

The crow might have nodded, but it might have started at the sharp tones of Täk, and then it flew off, into the darkness.

Maria screwed her eyes shut. “Of course you’re not,” she whispered. “I pushed all that away from me.”

She whimpered, but bit back the bitter tears, and curled up on her bedroll with only a little bit of heartbreak.

“Are you really sure about this?” Maria whispered as quietly as she could, while Keri tied Joen to a pole outside of the tavern The Mighty Robin. There was light streaming out of the windows, and laughter echoing from within the walls. It seemed cozy, a place that many people might end up calling their home.

“Yes, yes, yes,” Keri grumbled, and tightened the knot one last time before letting go. “I’m sure we’re not gonna get caught. Stop worrying so much!”

I’m worrying about you, Maria thought sourly. I’m not worried about me.

Keri went for the door, and when he opened it up, warmth and the smell of pork greeted them like an old friend. Maria tugged at her scarf self-consciously, and told Keri to hurry up and rent them a room.

Them a room. Oh, Mäti. She was going to be sharing a bedroom with him. And not for the last time, either. Oh, Mäti.

As Keri spoke in hushed tones with the owner of the place, Maria kept watch over the two of them. Then Keri jabbed his thumb over his shoulder in her direction, and the Demon’s gaze slid over to her.

There was one horrifying moment where the two females’ gazes locked. Something flared to life in the Demon’s red eyes, and Maria’s widened.

She had been recognized.

For one brief moment, Maria was equally relieved, horrified, and excited – but the owner only nodded to Keri, accepted a handful of coins, and handed him a key.

-what?

“I’m not sleeping in the same bed as you,” Maria said, and shook her head. Her mouth was a thin line, and her arms crossed over her chest as Keri frowned.

“Why not? It’s not like we’re going to do anything!”

Maria rolled her eyes, and tried to come up with a reliable excuse. “Well… you know, I’ve gotten used to sleeping at the ground. I won’t be able to fall asleep in a soft bed even if I try my very best.”

Keri raised an eyebrow, and Maria’s heart sped up. She really, really didn’t want them to share a bed. Of course, she knew that they would eventually have to – but that was later. When she knew him. “I guess,” Keri said. “But – are you sure?”

“Yes,” Maria said. “I’m sure. Please, just let us go through what we have left of food. I can write a list of what we need.”

Keri nodded uncertainly, and moved to untie his backpack.

Maria did the same, and began to sort the items within in piles.

There was silence for a few moments, and then Keri looked over at her and hummed. “What’s that?”

“Hm?” Maria looked up from counting carrots, and raised her eyebrows at him. “What’s what?”

“That,” Keri repeated, and pointed at the Täk dictionary.

“Oh,” said Maria, her heartbeat speeding up. She’d been hiding the dictionary for a reason. “Oh, that’s just – that’s nothing.”

Keri frowned, but before he could give a reply, the door slammed open. Maria’s hands instinctively went to her back, attempting to draw an arrow that wasn’t there, while Keri grabbed for his sword, only to realize that he’d left it on the other side of the room.

And that six Demons bearing the Mïzel’s Guards crests were barring the way.

Before Maria could take a good look at them, Keri reached out to push her behind him. “How did you find us?” he snarled.

While his arm blocked most of her view, she could still hear what was going on around her. She shamelessly took advantage of this fact, of course. “The owner of this tavern recognized you, and sent a message to the Barrier Guards with a messenger horse,” a voice she recognized informed them curtly.

Maria let out a shrill gasp and stepped around Keri’s arm. “Dannet?” she cried, and a wide, wild smile bloomed on her face. “I didn’t know you were a Barrier Guard, sir!”

“Greetings, your Highness,” Dannet replied, and gave a short bow. “I’m not a Barrier Guard, I was merely passing through the town when I met those five.”

Keri shot a look between Maria and her teacher. “You know this filth?” he spat, and Maria could almost smell acid on his breath.

“Know him? Of course I know him!” Maria turned to smile widely at Keri, and she didn’t even care when he scowled darkly at her. “He’s both mine and Cerron’s archery mentor!”

Keri’s blue eyes darkened even further. “Don’t speak that name!” he hissed.

The raw joy faded instantly, and Maria remembered who she was talking to. She met his gaze with a cool expression and sneered, “I will speak his name if I so wish to.”

Dannet cleared his throat. “His Majesty King Cerron has a message for you, your Highness. If I may?”

With a glare at Keri, Maria nodded. “Go ahead.”

“Maria,” Dannet begun, in Täk, and excitement rose in Maria’s chest. Cerron was leaving her a message – and had used her name! “I hope this message reaches you before you leave my realm,” Dannet continued, his face blank like stone and his voice likewise.

“Your note made me unsure about whether you truly wished to go with the Human Knight or not, and therefore I sent my men after the two of you. If you are leaving, but not out of your free will, then this is your chance to come back, if you so wish to.” Oh, thank Goodness – some part of Maria had been terrified that Cerron wouldn’t let her come back. She wouldn’t have known what to do if that had been the case!

“If you do not, and want to return to your father, your childhood, and your Kingdom, then tell my men to let you leave and they will.” Even though Dannet’s voice was as unwavering as ever, Maria could read the uncertainty behind Cerron’s words. He wasn’t sure what she was going to choose – even after all they had talked about, all they had learned about each other, he still doubted their friendship.

- or maybe he doubted himself.

“No matter what you choose, know that I have greatly enjoyed the last year, and that I will cherish the memories of you by my side as long as I live.”

Oh, that Goddamned idiot. He truly didn’t know whether Maria honestly liked him or not, not because he doubted her, but because he doubted his own worth.

“I remain, Cerron.”

Maria blinked back tears, and reached up to rub at her chest, where a warm feeling of gratitude, hope and fondness was blooming. “I will come,” she whispered, and gave a watery smile at Dannet. “Of course I will come!”

Keri growled, and grabbed her arm in a tight grip that would surely leave a bruise later. “You’re not going anywhere!” he sneered.

“Let go of me,” Maria said calmly, and met his gaze unblinkingly.

Keri snarled. “You’re not going back there!” he cried, tugging harshly at her arm. “You’re gonna come with me, we’re gonna get back home to the Human Kingdom, and I’ll be a hero, and we’ll marry -”

Maria finally snapped, after two weeks of being treated, not like a Creature, but like an inferior, and punched him in the nose. She put all the strength she could behind the move, and Keri choked at the impact, before he sank to the floor with a wheeze.

Without pause, Maria turned back to Dannet and smiled sweetly. Ignoring the dull ache in her hand, she inclined her head politely. “Where were we?” she asked, and tuned out Keri’s groaning in the background. “Oh, yes. Tell Cerron that I’m coming home.”

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