Werewolf Compilations
Chapter 104

My eyes stay fixated on James as I lay beside him, the sun just beginning to rise through the shutters. After the doctors left, after they stitched him up, he stayed here and fell asleep and he's been asleep since. James slept through the night seamlessly, and I assume he must be healing. Alpha blood heals at a quicker pace, but I didn't know he would be asleep for all of it. Part of me hoped for meaningful conversation as he rested in my bed, pillow talk, something deep.

The doctors said he would be back to normal in a day or two.

I get out of bed and walk into the bathroom, shutting the door while I wake up and turn on the shower. I don't lock the door, and part of me gets a rush, but the other focuses on the fact that he'll be asleep for the day. Anyway, I step in and try to rekindle the flame, gathering up the excitement again. My hair sticks to my shoulders and my fingers draw swirls on the fogged glass until I imagine him in here. Suddenly my hands are acting as his as they wrap around my torso, running slowly across my wet skin.

I pretend my touch is his, and I immediately realize how dangerous this game is. My back touches the tiled wall as if it were his chest, and his hands creep upward. I close my eyes and take in the sensation of the water raining down on me, dreaming. One of his hands runs down past my belly button while the other holds me. I feel him touch me and I pull away, not wanting to play anymore.

I get out once I'm washed, and I get dressed in the bedroom in front of him as he sleeps. Then I make my way downstairs and into the kitchen for breakfast. I find Theresa here but not Gail. "She's not feeling well," Theresa explains. "I'm sure she'll be back in a few days."

"Everyone's not feeling well," I comment. "James will be back on his feet in a day or two, that's what the doctors said."

"Oh, good. He'll be resting all day then."

I sigh. "Yeah."

"I'm sure Will has everything under control."

The doorbell rings and Theresa answers as I continue eating. Not expecting anyone exciting, I ignore the voices until the sound of footsteps going upstairs grab me and Theresa comes back with an uneasy look on her face. "Was it Will?" I ask, curious.

Theresa takes a seat. "No, it wasn't."

"Well, who was it then? Theodore? A guard?"

"It was his father," she says and my heart jolts, "he'd heard that there was an accident and that James was hurt. I told him it wasn't bad, and he went to see him."

I place down my fork, not knowing what to do. His father doesn't know that I exist. Should I hide? Should I confront him with a lie? Should I confront him with the truth? My heart picks up pace and I feel the need to stand up and move. I walk around the kitchen in circles, and Theresa watches me. "What are you doing?" She asks.

"Is he just here to see him? He's not staying, is he?"

"I'm not sure," she says, "now sit down and tell me why you're acting like this."

"His father he doesn't know about me," I confess. "He doesn't know that James has a Mate."

"Well, why don't you introduce yourself then? I'm sure he'd be happy to know."

James said he wasn't a good man, that he didn't want him in my life for good reason, so I should wait until he wakes up. I'll just avoid his father and hope that he leaves in an hour or two. "I think I should wait for James," I tell her. "He'd want to be a part of it, I think."

When I'm finished eating, I anxiously grab the diaries from where Gail left them in the living room and head into the closed-off room, moving quick so his father doesn't see me. I close the door behind me and sit in the small chair, opening the second years.

January 7th, 1992

It has only been two days, but I am sure that I am pregnant. I can feel it. I can feel it inside of me, the changes, his child. When I had first decided that I was pregnant yesterday, I thought that I would have been happy, but I am only scared. I see her in my dreams, the Moon Goddess. She lurks towards me and digs her nails into my pregnant stomach. She claws at my skin.

I sit in the library all day because it is the only place I feel safe. James comes in and tries to get me to leave, and I do for meals and bathing and sleep, but it is not enough for him. He yells at me because he is frustrated because he cannot understand my fears. He holds me at night and I tell him that I feel unsafe in his arms. I feel unsafe everywhere but in the library. Last night he shouted that I should sleep in there, so I did. It was the best sleep I had gotten in weeks.

It will be five months until I can hold my baby in my arms. It will be five months of hiding from her, but it is worth it.

January 23, 1992

I am not pregnant. We had gone to see the doctor and he said I am not pregnant. She will not let me be happy. She will not let me, but I will keep trying.

January 28, 1992

We had tried again last night and James felt very distant during. It is as if he no longer takes joy in trying for children, and it makes me feel dirty. I feel whorish when I have to beg him to try with me, when he treats it as a job and not a pleasure. Afterward, I went into the bathroom and cried a little. I am sure he could hear me, but he did not come in to check on me. I had stayed in the bathroom for an hour and when I came out he was asleep, so I went to the library and slept there. Theresa had dragged down a mattress and set it on the floor. It takes up most of the room, but it's comfortable for when I sleep. January 29th, 1992

Will you talk with me, Diary? James won't.

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