(Chapter song ‘Kiss Me' by Magic)

AVERY

“Alright. I get your pissed…” I say to her back.

“I’m not pissed…” She glances back. “I’m livid. There’s a difference.”

“But if we're going to make it through this trip, we can’t be at each other’s throats. I won’t walk around on egg shells around you.”

She stops and turns around. “Oh, I think you will because it’s better than the alternative. You don’t get a pass for taking the life I built with you and giving it to another woman. If you don’t like the hostility, too bad.”

She spins around and I’m left confused. “It’s just cologne…” I flop my hands at my sides and shake my head.

We enter the dining car and she grabs a menu out of sleeve holder. We walk down the aisle and she chooses a table.

I sit down on the opposite side of her seat and lean on the table. “I think it would be better if we don’t talk about Razor or us. Just avoid the subject altogether before this compounds.” I whisper as I glance for prying ears.

She picks up the menu and reads it smugly. “That’s fine. We can ignore the fact that you’re an unfaithful jackass. I don’t really want to talk about your home wrecker anyways.”

I lick my upper lip and take a deep breath. I calm my emotions and urge to defend myself. “Agreed. What are you ordering?”

She slams the menu down. “Just tell me one thing. What does she have that I don't?”

“Zen…” I whine and sit back in my chair.

“No. Tell me, Avery. Because it’s been driving me insane. Is she smarter? Stronger? More money? What?” She folds her arms on the table.

The waiter side eyes us as he brings food to a table on the other side of the aisle.

“I don’t know. Really. It just happened, ok. I didn’t mean for it…” I whine. “Look. It’s not going to change anything so drop it.” I pick up my own menu and start to read.

She chews her cheek and reads her menu. “Was she better in bed?” She asks without looking at me.

“Ok. You know what?” I drop my menu and sit forward. “It had nothing to do with you. I needed help and Razor helped me. What happened after was no ones fault. She didn’t have anything better or more than you. She was just there.” I cinch my brows as I stare at her.

Her jaw goes slack. “I wasn’t there?”

I pick up the menu and read it. “Not in the way I needed. No.”

“Oh.”

There was a pause then she just gets up and walks away.

I watch her leave. “Zen…” I say softly and she waves me off.

I grab our bags and follow her out.

When I get back to the cabin, she’s sitting with her back on the wall on her bed. She knees are pulled up and she resting her arms on her knees while she picks at her fingers.

As soon as I enter the cabin, I smell the salt. I sigh and drop the bags. I walk over to the edge of the bed and squat down in front of her. “I'm sorry.”

She sniffs and wipes her cheeks. “Don’t be. I couldn’t give you what you needed, so you found it in someone else.”

I climb up on the bed and mirror her posture. “It’s not your fault, like I said. What I needed, you couldn’t give me.”

“Like what?” She chokes as she turns to me.

It kills me to see her crying and I want to make her feel better, but I know that’s impossible at this point. All I can do is get us to at be civil.

“A better life.” I point to my chest.

She looks at my chest then up to my eyes. “The wolf. You hated humanity that much?”

I look at my hands as I play with my fingers. “I guess you could say that. I felt it was better than suffering as human.” I roll my head to her. “There’s things we can’t win, Zen. We can kill a thousand monsters, but it doesn’t change the fact that humans are weak. I wanted to be strong. Razor gave me that.”

“So, you didn’t think we would have been strong together?” She whispers.

“I wanted to. I really did. But the reality is, this… in my chest… it’s stronger. The abilities I have will make more changes than a pair of humans ever could. It’s just the truth.” I reach up and wipe a tear off her cheek. “I know you’re strong. I also know you’re loyal to a fault to humanity. I just… I wanted to fight with you, but I wanted to guarantee that I could survive with you. I thought this was the only way. Having someone like me in your corner improves the odds. We can use all the fancy weapons and lore, but there’s things out there that will mow you down, Zen. I couldn’t leave you helpless like that. I needed something.”

“You lose faith in your species and try to make it sound heroic. You lost faith in me and decided that you knew what was best. So, really. This is about you being a coward and believing I’m weak.” She turns away.

“No. Far from it. I know you’re not weak. But I’m also not stupid. There’s things out there that are so strong, Zen. I was scared. I’m not saying you can’t fight, but I just figured we could add a stronger weapon to our arsenal. I’m still on your side. I’m still in this war. I will always have your back. Just not in the same way.” I reach over, place my fingers on her chin and pull her face to mine. “Can you at least understand that?”

“You say you’re on my side, but you’re not. We got in this to fight back against them. That means you.” She looks down and I drop my hand.

I lean to her. “That’s the difference. I don’t want to be on their side. You fight fire with fire, Zen. Monsters with monsters. That’s how you win.”

She meets my eyes. “I don’t know if I can accept that. Humans have their place. If we use monsters to fight for us, we look like hypocrites.”

I shake my head. “Not in the eyes of justice. Zennie. You can’t look at this as black or white. There’s grays that need to be accepted. If you win with my help against a bad mother, it’s still a win for you if the ones you save are humans. No ones going to look at the fact that you had a wolf in your corner.”

I sit up and turn to her. “Look at this way. You use spells and cursed objects right?”

“Yeah.”

“Same thing.” I hold out my hand. “I’m just another spell or cursed object.”

She pauses.

“I know it’s hard to understand. And I know it's even harder to accept. Especially for you. But I didn’t do this to stick it you or my race. I did it because I love you. I want you to win, Zennie. I want to give you everything you need to win.” I lean my head on the wall and pray that this is making sense to her.

She looks away and I can see her eyes well. “You ruined yourself for me?”

I lean closer to her. “I improved myself for you. If you want, I sacrificed myself to give you and our species the best chance they could get.”

“And I shot you for it.” She squeaks.

I shrug and the corner of my lip ticks up. “Gut reaction. I didn’t take it too personally. I had a feeling you’d do that.”

“Sorry.” She mumbles.

“It's fine. Don’t worry about it. I lived.” I smile.

“You did. I won’t lie and say any of this makes me feel better, but if Razor made you feel better, I can’t stop or argue that. She’s lucky.” She leans her head on the wall.

“She’s not lucky, Zen.” I say quietly.

“She’s not?” She asks as her brows come together.

“No. She’s not lucky because even though she could give me what you couldn’t, she couldn’t replace you. I didn’t want to leave you, Zen. I didn’t have a choice. I did everything because of you. Not her.”

“I don’t get it. You left me on my wedding day… for me?” She flicks her eyes around my face.

“I was a coward. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you like that.” I apologize.

“No. You shouldn’t have.” She grumbles.

I lean a little closer. “I will always regret not standing with you. I know I missed something so special. I know I destroyed everything, but I hope that there’s still a small chance that I can at least make a friendship. I know you don’t love me. But can you at least like me?”

“It’s going to take a lot.” She whispers.

The heat that was building in the cabin, had me adjusting my collar. The room felt so hot it looked like the window was trying to fog.

“Like I told you. I will always love you. I hate that I broke your heart. If I can somehow fix some of it. I’m happy with that. This was entirely my fault, Zennie. Please. Let me fix it.” I slightly plead with her.

She lifts her head off the wall. She stares at me for a minute and then she does something I wasn’t expecting.

She kissed me.

Her lips hit mine and my heart stopped. Our lips parted and my hand landed on her neck under her hair. My tongue found hers and my wolf whines. She tasted so good, a little moan left my throat.

The heat rose a few more degrees and I basked in the softness of her pink, full lips. I was hoping for forgiveness, not a kiss. My emotions rise and I’m not sure what to make of this at all.

She slowly breaks the kiss and I run my teeth gently across her bottom lip.

“What was that?” I mumble on her lips.

“Seeing if I felt the same way.” She mumbles back.

“Do you?” I run my fingertips down her cheek.

She pulls back. “No.” She side eyes me and looks down at her hands.

“Oh.” I sit with my back on the wall. I glance at her and try to feel what she’s feeling. I’m not really getting anything, so maybe she’s telling the truth because that kiss didn’t feel like she hated me.

She sits back, too. “But I don’t want to shoot you.”

I huff a chuckle. “I guess it’s a step.”

“It’s a big one.” She says.

I roll my head to her and grin. “I know it is.” I gaze into her blue eyes. “Does this mean no more fighting?”

“I can’t guarantee that, but I think I can put some things aside until at least Athens. We'll see after that.” She states.

“I can accept that.” I sigh, reach up and touch her cheek. “Thanks for talking with me.”

“You’re welcome.” She gives me a small smile.

I was about to suggest breakfast when an announcement came over the trains speaker.

‘Bonjour, passagers. Bienvenue à Paris. Nous aurons une escale de 3 heures avant l’embarquement. Destination Athènes, montez à bord de l’Eurostar sur le quai 9. Organisez vos transferts et passez une merveilleuse journée.

Good Afternoon, passengers. Welcome to Paris. We will have a 3 hour layover before boarding. Destination Athens, board the Eurostar on platform 9. Have your transfers in order and have a wonderful day.’

“Ready to shop in Grand Paris?” I hold a hand out to her.

“I'm always ready to shop. Are you kidding?” She chuckles.

I take her hand and lead her out of the cabin. We'll just get some clothes and make it to the next bullet train.

As long as nothing happens, we'll be in Athens by tomorrow night. Hopefully, it will be a better trip now.

It felt good to tell Zen the truth. Even if it was only a half truth. Until I know she’s ready to hear all of it, I’ll keep the rest to myself.

She doesn’t need to know that I suffered because I’m the biggest dumbass on the planet.

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