The Heart of the Ocean
A Merman's Heart

“She’s got oceans

tucked away in her hair,

poems swim under her skin.”

-Sanober Khan

She was floating in darkness. Her body felt weightless and her senses were dulled. She didn’t know how much time had passed. She didn’t know what had happened in the meanwhile. All she could remember was the burning in her chest and the scarlet waters surrounding her. She recalled pairs of eyes staring down at her -red eyes, emerald eyes, purple eyes. Then, the darkness surrounded her lulling her to her eternal sleep.

Was that truly it?

Was this how her story ended?

She felt a wave of sadness surrounding her soul. It wasn’t fair! This wasn’t supposed to happen! She didn’t know how things would turn out in the end, but she sure as hell didn’t expect to die alone at sea. Not without making amends with everyone she loved. Hell, the last time she saw Alexandra, she had left her in tears! It wasn’t fair to die, before telling the only family member she had left that she truly loved her.

She sighed internally, surrounded by darkness and silence. Her thoughts were a mess, but they somehow guided her to a certain merman. She couldn’t help but chuckle. They always led her back to him. Her heart ached at the mere thought. He was the love of her life and the source of her biggest fear and yet...she just couldn’t let him go. Perhaps, she had lost her damn mind or maybe these were the regrets of a dead woman. She needed more time and time...time was the only thing she no longer had.

She gave her heart away, only to take it back in pieces. She thought that she would get over it...over him. She was just a naïve teenager back then -she knew that she’d grow stronger, tougher. The young adult she had become was careful with her feelings -she didn’t want to have her heart broken again. She didn’t know whether she could handle it for a second time. She didn’t want to have a repetition of the same situation. And yet, no matter how careful she was, she failed to realize that she never got passed it. That no matter how scared she was, she still loved him and always will.

She should have given him the chance to explain. Perhaps, things would have been different, if she had just allowed him to speak. What would have truly happened if she hadn’t run away from him at that beach? Maybe they’d be together now, cuddling where the sea kissed the sand and watching as the sun set on the horizon. She would have never set foot on that damn ship, trying to get away from everyone and everything. She would be safe and sound, wrapped in his arms as he caressed her hair.

What had she done?

Her eyes filled with tears as she sobbed uncontrollably. Why? Why did she have to self-sabotage herself? Why did she let her fear ruin her happiness? What if she had handled things differently? What if he never let her go? What if she had never run away? What if... What if...What if...

It was meaningless, now that she didn’t breathe.

And for the first time in her life, Aide felt truly alone. And it was so fucking scary, how quickly things we take for granted are taken out of our grip. How much things change in a matter of minutes, leaving us in an abyss of pain and sorrow. How regrets are choking our beings, punishing us for the words we didn’t say and the things we left for tomorrow. Leaving us screaming for the things that we could have and never will. And we cry and scream and beg for a chance to make it right. A chance that we had and wasted.

She couldn’t move her body and yet, she could feel the tear rolling down her cheek. She could feel her body shaking and yet, she couldn’t feel the coldness of the weather or the salt water of the ocean caressing her skin. She couldn’t feel the sand grains between her wet locks or on the tip of her fingertips. A constant ringing wouldn’t let her hear anything else, creating a pounding headache and urging her instantly to her side. She vomited all the water she had swallowed -her chest burning with each movement.

She felt soft hands taking hold of her long locks, making sure they weren’t in her face. She sobbed desperately as her vision slowly returned. She buried her hands in the wet sand, not believing she was still alive. She was scared and cold and tired. She had had enough -she didn’t want to deal with this shit anymore. She was so damn drained of trying to be strong. She was done. She couldn’t do it anymore.

“Shhh”, a soothing voice whispered, “You’re alright.”

Her body tensed; her soul cried in delight. She knew she was a mess and yet, she didn’t care at all. She turned around quickly, scared that he’d disappear in a second. Her eyes were burning as they frantically searched for his form. Her hands gripped his shoulders, making sure he wasn’t just a figment of her imagination.

“Evander?“, she whimpered.

His purple eyes gazed at her with an emotion she couldn’t decipher. He looked scared and tired as he took in her heaving body, almost as if he wanted to make sure she was still breathing and alive. And yet, his touch was gentle and careful as he caressed her cheek.

“Shhh, hush cor meum”, he caressed away her tears, “You’ve got nothing to be scared of.”

“Evander”, her voice broke as her tears fell harder.

His body tensed at her tone. He didn’t like how scared she was. He didn’t know what scared her the most; the Tenebris attack, her near-death experience, or him. The latter left a bitter taste in his mouth. His mate -the love of his life, the person he’d sworn to protect, was terrified of him. It stung. It burned. It hurt badly. His hands left her hesitantly, not wanting to upset her more.

“No, no!“, she cried out.

It seemed as if she was having a seizure. Her hands gripped him harder, not letting him go. He seemed shocked by her reaction. His arms immediately wrapped around her waist, bringing her closer to his body. He sat her upon his tail, his body wrapped around her shivering one. She turned around, tucking her face in the crook of his neck as she cried her heart out.

“Cor meum?“, he asked softly, “Aide? My love?”

She just sobbed harder.

“My love, you’re scaring me”, Evander caressed her hair gently, “What’s wrong?”

His sweet words fell on deaf ears. He held her tightly as she cried her heart out. He kissed her forehead and rocked them back and forth gently, hoping the movement would calm her down soon. He was worried she’d hurt herself -how long could humans cry like this? It didn’t seem healthy. He couldn’t help but feel happy that she allowed him to comfort her in this vulnerable state. He had missed her. Terribly. He felt like he could breathe again now that she was in his arms.

After a while, her sobs had turned to soft sniffles. She placed her head against his chest, listening to the beat of his heart. Making sure he was alive. Making sure she hadn’t lost him. Her eyes took in the sight of a familiar neckless -the blue shell greeting her with its vibrant color. She caressed its hard surface, feeling her merman’s breath hitch. She looked into his mesmerizing eyes with her tearful ones.

“You kept it?“, she asked hoarsely, “After everything that happened?”

“Of course”, he caressed her hair gently, “Kept it close to my heart, until she returned back to me.”

“Evander”, she sobbed at his words -her breathing becoming irregular.

“No more tears, cor meum”, he shushed her, “I cannot bear to see you cry.”

The waves crashed behind them, the salty droplets landing on them. They were in their own world though, they cared about nothing else but each other.

“I-I’m so sorry”, Aide gazed deeply into his orbs, “I’m so so sorry. I shouldn’t...I shouldn’t have left. I-”

“Shhh, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for”, he shook his head in denial.

“Yes. Y-yes, I have”, she caressed his cheek gently, watching as his eyes closed in delight.

“Cor meum, I was the one to scare you”, he laid a small kiss on the inside of her palm, “The thought of you being scared of me...it tore me apart, my Aide. Watching you running away from me...It killed me.”

Another tear escaped her eyes. Her soul hurt.

“Evander, I-”

“I know this won’t last. I know you’re terrified of me. I know I’m the monster of your nightmares”, the words were like acid on his tongue, “But please...just let me hold you in my arms. For one last time. And I will never bother you again.”

He talked as if he was dying. As if he’d disappear and never come back. As if she’d lost him forever. She didn’t know why, but the thought didn’t sit well with her. She couldn’t handle it. She became hysterical, her arms wrapping tighter around him as if he’d vanish right in front of her.

“My love? Aide?“, he tried to pry her away from his neck.

“No!“’, she mumbled as her tears painted his skin, “No! Please! You can’t do this! I can’t-”

“Aide?“, he seemed to be in shock, “Talk to me, please!”

“Please, don’t.”

He took hold of her neck, forcing her tearful eyes to meet his own. He hissed at the sadness and pain that stared back at him. What had he done now? Why did he always manage to fuck things up with her? Why did he only cause her pain and misery? It physically and emotionally pained him to see her like this. He just wanted her to be happy. For Thalassa’s sake, he was willing to let her go! He didn’t care about himself! Didn’t give a fuck if he’d become a Tenebris as long as she was alive and happy. And if he wasn’t the one to make her happy -if he was the creator of her pain, the least he could do was let her be. He knew he was an awful mate, he just couldn’t handle the consequences of it anymore.

“What do you want, my love?“, he was desperate, “What can I do?”

“Please, don’t”, she repeated once again.

“Don’t what”.

“Please, don’t let me go.”

He stared at her in disbelief. He became speechless. His heart pounded a mile a minute inside his chest as if it wanted to break free from its cage and meet the woman it truly belonged to. Did he hear her right? Was she for real?

“I’m the monster of your nightmares”, he whispered so close to her lips, “Not the angel of your dreams.”

“No”, she answered, “You’re the merman from my seashell pond.”

His purple eyes filled with unshed tears.

“I can harm you badly”, he reasoned with her.

“And yet, you can love me harder”, her fingers got lost in his locks.

“Cor meum”, he whispered, “My love”

She smiled brightly, making his eyes sparkle in delight.

“My merman”, she answered truthfully.

He stared down at her seriously.

“No more running, my heart”, he stated firmly, “I cannot take it anymore.”

“No more running”, she promised gently, “Never again.′

As the sun set on the horizon, his lips caressed hers as if his world was ending. Truth was, that as their bodies became one, his world had just begun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

End of chapter 26!!

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