The Fake Out: An utterly hilarious and totally heart-warming romantic comedy
The Fake Out: Chapter 34

How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice.

—KAILEY H.

After dinner, Millie asked me if I wanted to go on a walk with her. She and I moseyed down a path that took us to a pasture on the other side of the house.

I noticed two brown dots off in the distance. “Are those horses?”

Millie nodded. “One is named Custard and the other is Pudding.”

“Do you get to ride them?” I asked.

“Not as much as I want. The rule is someone has to ride with me.”

“I bet being the youngest is the worst.”

“It’s not so bad. Being born with a broken heart on the other hand…” Her smile melted as her voice trailed off.

What was I supposed to say to that?

Millie blinked her baby blues. “I made it weird, didn’t I? I’m sorry.”

“No. No,” I reassured her. “Of course not.”

Grinning, she turned around, so she was walking backward. “I totally did. My mom says I know exactly how to get the sympathy vote. It’s a talent. You should see how many times I get to choose the movie on family nights with a little cough.”

It was hard not to smile back at her. “You are diabolical.”

“Thank you.” She took a deep bow. “Some people get really freaked out when I say stuff like that. You spend a lot of time in hospital beds when you’re a kid, you find ways to amuse yourself.”

We continued our ambling walk along the fence line as the orange sky melted into the horizon.

Millie paused and leaned against the fence. “We had a sister meeting.”

“A sister meeting?”

“Yup. Just the sisters. Right before dinner.”

“I bet Chris hates that he’s not allowed to come.”

“Sometimes we hold meetings even when we don’t have anything to talk about. Just to annoy him.” Millie grinned. “At this meeting, we voted on you.”

“Me?”

“Sure. We do this with all of Elmie’s lady friends.”

“Oh, are there a lot of these lady friends?” I asked casually. Because I wasn’t at all interested in the answer.

It should be noted I was lying to myself.

“Not really. And honestly, we haven’t liked any of them. Most of them act like they’re better than us. It’s gross.” She brushed her hands off on her shorts. “But we’ve voted, and I was chosen as spokes-sister to let you know that you’ve been approved.”

“Thank you. I’m honored.” I think.

“You’re welcome.” She linked her arm through mine, her voice downright chipper. “But you should know we love that big idiot a lot. He’s the best brother. He paid for all of Betsy’s school, helps out Ellie, and set aside a college fund for Aggie. He bought this house for my parents. And even though none of them think I know, having this heart is expensive, even with insurance. He pays for all that, too. But it isn’t the money stuff. He takes care of all of us. Little, quiet things that nobody thinks of.”

My heart squeezed at the fierce, tender way she spoke of her brother. “You all are lucky to have him.”

“You’re right, and you have him now too, so please hear me loud and clear: if you hurt him in any way, we will find you. And then they won’t find you.”

I froze. “Did you just—”

“Threaten you? Sure did. But don’t worry. We’ll make it a quick death.” Millie tugged on my arm to get me moving. “Come on. Let’s go eat some ice cream and watch a movie.”

After we returned from our walk, Chris and his dad wandered off when it became clear we planned on watching a romcom. I hung out with Margot and the Sisters (big S, because I was beginning to think they may be an organized crime syndicate).

As soon as the men left, Margot brought out a huge stack of wedding magazines. “I thought we could look through these. I’ve been collecting them for a few years. I thought for sure I’d have had to pull them out for Ellie by now… Well, anyway, one day for her. But you, we haven’t talked about the wedding, have we? Have you all set a date?”

I hesitated. “Not yet.”

“Oh, a spring wedding would be lovely. The season will be over for Chris. Do you want a church wedding or outside?”

“Outside? Maybe?”

“I think outside would be beautiful in spring.”

I tried to look excited. After all, this was my (fake) wedding my (fake) future mother-in-law was discussing. But the lie, the big fat lie, was taking up more and more space inside me. Growing like… like fungi.

Yes, mushrooms were the guilt of my heart. I hated mushrooms.

“I know you have your mom and sister at home, so I thought,” Margot continued, “maybe we could plan a weekend where the girls and I could come down and we could go dress shopping. If we’re going for a spring wedding, we should find something soon.”

“Okay?” Not okay. The mushrooms expanded twofold.

“Mom, chill. You’re going to freak her out,” Aggie said.

Margot wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Don’t mind me. I’m just so excited. I have prayed for a woman to come along who would get ahold of Chris. But the right woman. One who’ll appreciate his heart instead of the football and the fame and all that. That kind of stuff doesn’t last.”

I cleared my throat. “To be honest, you hardly know me.”

She waved a hand. “I know my boy. You know, he called that very first day he met you and told me about the pretty librarian who yelled at him.”

“He did?” I couldn’t keep the surprise from my voice. The day he met me? That would have been long, long before our arrangement. He hadn’t even known my name yet.

“Sure did. I’ve heard the way he talks about you. And now, I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

“How does he look at me?”

“Like you’re his favorite thing in the whole world,” Aggie said.

I wondered how I looked at him.

But I was too afraid to ask.

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