The Dummies Guide for Superheroes: Introduction
Chapter 9

Brundon jerked awake when something began beeping. He looked up at the computer screen before he realized he wasn’t wearing his glasses. He patted his workstation, found his spectacles, and looked up again.

The screen had returned the results of twelve DNA samples from the alleged Detective Joachim Yardam’s body. Each one showed that 18 pairs of chromosomes were a perfect match to Yardam’s initial samples taken before he was turned into a storage device – but 5 pairs did not match, plus there were three more pairs that were undetermined. These three pairs didn’t have a comparison to anything known on the planet. But maybe that wasn’t the strangest part – how did a human DNA sample come back with 26 chromosome pairs at all?

Brundon muttered to himself, “Someone fucked up or screwed with these samples. Fuck!”

He deleted the results and began preparing a request for a new test – with a facility outside of Q.E.D. His work was suddenly hidden behind a window with Monica’s face. From the background he could tell she was at home, and what was even more of a shame about the image was that she was in silk pajamas, her red hair cascaded down around her bare, freckled shoulders. He’d seen her like this many times in his years working as the NOC, and it was almost aching to realize that goddess perfection on the screen really hid a demon harpy.

Something she quickly reminded him of when she snapped, “Why did you just delete the DNA test results from the John Doe?”

“The results were inconclusive. I’m ordering a new test, offsite this time.”

“Why offsite?”

“Well, I’m not geneticist, but I do know humans do not have 26 chromosomes pairs in their DNA, and those results did. And 5 pairs of the 23 were someone else’s, or something else, I don’t know which. I think someone tampered with the samples or maybe the equipment was contaminated. Either way, the results are worthless.”

“Did this problem occur with the men who were caught and killed at the Q.E.D. offices in Cairo and London?”

“If it had, BRINDA would have flagged it, wouldn’t she?” Brundon asked back.

Monica thought for a moment. “Tell me what the results from these new tests are when you get them.”

Brundon bit back the sarcastic remark that came to mind. “Yeah. Okay.”

“And Brundon, if you ever delete information which I have requested before speaking to me again, I’ll find another NOC. You are not as indispensable as you think you are.”

Her face disappeared.

“Bitch,” Brundon muttered before he went back to work.

The six heroes clustered like nuns gathering to minister in a strip club. They were doing this on faith and because they had to save people, not because they wanted to or were in the least bit comfortable with it. The maladjusted team didn’t speak as they walked through the temple halls toward an exit. The monks watched them pass but didn’t comment about the masks they wore.

Luke and Harley had settled on simple ski masks, the others had gone a little different. Anna was wearing a witch mask, Phan had found an Arnold Schwarzenegger mask, Leverett wore a monster mask, and Sabra wore a half-face Mardi Gras mask. Luke had also convinced them to wear gloves to prevent fingerprints from being left behind.

They stopped at the bottom of the stairs leading up to an exit. The six stared at the door, letting their uncertainty show.

“So...” Luke began, but he wasn’t sure where to lead it from there. He waited for someone else to add something, but no one did. “Are we supposed to say something prophetic or just go?”

Anna turned her dark eyes on him. “If you make up some really stupid thing that we have to say every time we go off to save the world, I will kill you. Again.”

Luke didn’t smile or respond to that. He looked at Harley.

“Let’s go before the dead guy decides not to be dead anymore,” Harley said.

“That works,” Luke said.

The others headed up the stairs to the door.

A hand grabbed Luke’s arm, startling him. His fear turned the area around him into Hawkins Point. Luke didn’t hear the others hit the dirt behind him.

“LUKE!” the other five yelled.

“It’s okay, Luke,” Ray said, his worried eyes watching him. “Relax and breathe, okay?”

Hawkins Point vanished, leaving the five lying on the steps. Luke nodded, but stared shamefully at the floor.

“Better get control of that. Won’t help anyone if you’re jumping at shadows.” Ray patted his shoulder.

Luke tried to smile, but he was too nervous to see it through.

“I wanted to tell you good luck and be safe. We don’t want Q.E.D. getting their hands on any of you. Remember…” He raised his voice, “All of you remember this. You’re not invincible. You can be killed again. This time, it’s forever. Be really careful out there.”

Luke started to pull away, but Ray held on. He looked back at Ray.

Quieter Ray told him, “I visited your father yesterday. He told me about his superhero rules, and I think that first one is a good one. You don’t have to save the world, Luke, just the ones you care about. Focus on saving these five and your father, and everything else will take care of itself.” Ray offered an encouraging smile.

Luke nodded and pulled away. He walked up the stairs to lead the group in stealing a body that held their secret of life.

Monica walked into a shattered lobby of Q.E.D. headquarters. The front doors had been blown out. Windows were shattered and the receptionist desk was a pile of splinters and twisted metal. She looked back as two ambulances pulled away from the front, carrying away the living but wounded. Around her the less wounded sat or ambled with dazed looks. She had seen destruction in all forms; a terror attack was the closest to comparison.

“Do you work here?” he asked.

“I’m Monica Stokes, CEO. What happened?”

“We’re still working on that. I’m Detective Sinise. Was Q.E.D. working on weapons at this facility?”

“I can’t answer that. Are you assuming this was an accident?”

“You security guards reported that six people were seen in the parking lot before one of them threw something at the window and the lobby blew up. Officers and emergency personal reported that about twenty minutes later, when they had just arrived at the scene, those same six came out of the basement and no one can remember what happened next. Sort of sounds like a suspicious weapon, doesn’t it? Maybe one of those not so stolen Q.E.D. prototypes?”

“No, Detective, that sounds more like a terrorist attack and people suffering from a traumatic event. It also sounds like you should ask to be reassigned since you’re already bias against my company.”

He smiled but it didn’t hide his expression that said he didn’t believe her.

“To help me do my job, I’ll need to see your security video? I can have—”

“Where’s Brundon Doughtry?” Monica asked.

“He’s in the morgue,” Detective Sinise answered. “About the security video, Missus Stokes. If I could—”

“That will be all.” Monica walked off before he could ask more questions she had no intention of answering.

She found a dozen police officers, two guards, and Brundon in the morgue. She marched up to Brundon, wrapped her fingers around his arm, and drug him into an alcove at the back of the room.

“I was on my way to Sydney when I get a call from the Santa Clara police chief saying someone bombed our building. Why was the police chief calling me instead of you?”

Brundon lowered his voice. “He was asking too many questions, so I sent him to you, just like you always tell me to do. Monica, these people stole Joachim Yardam’s look-alike anyway.”

“Did we get the results back from his DNA?”

“I called. They sent them last night but they haven’t arrived.”

She glanced at an officer as he passed. “Please tell me you weren’t an idiot and told these morons that.”

“I would never give the police information that might help them identify whoever bombed our building. God forbid! They might actually catch the people who did this!”

Monica stared at Brundon. There was no indication if his sarcastic come back had angered her.

“I’m going to my office to view the security footage. Join me when you’ve gotten rid of the police.” She walked away.

Brundon pressed his lips together, trying to keep his cool.

“Sir, I have some questions,” Detective Sinise said as he walked up behind Brundon.

Brundon turned to him, erasing the angry expression before the detective saw it.

Monica sat down at her desk, facing a screen that took up the entire opposite wall. She reached her hand out, pushing it into the control gel tray on her desk. A computer desktop appeared and she navigated to the folders containing the video files from the previous night. She pulled up several video files and started them playing. Her attention was drawn to the angle showing the front door…

14 Hours Earlier

A van pulled up to the front door of Q.E.D. and the six dysfunctional heroes climbed out. Harley moved away from the group, watching a blue electric ball he rolled from hand to hand. The other five watched the doors. Despite the late hour, employees came and went from the building, and at first the guards didn’t notice the six. It wasn’t until several employees had noticed the group and pointed them out that the guards took notice themselves. Two guards walked to the doors, staring back. The other two began ushering people behind security doors and radioing for backup.

“Four guards, six of us. The odds aren’t so bad. How should we take them?” Anna asked Luke.

No one spoke.

She turned to Luke. “Luke?”

“There are eighteen night guards,” was all he could think to say, “not four. The others are most likely on rounds, but I imagine they’ve been called to the front by now.

“Eighteen?” She laughed a little, looking back at the doors. “You didn’t think that was worth mentioning before we got here? That maybe we should have made a plan other than driving up to the front door where they could see us?”

He stared at the doors without answering.

Irritated she demanded, “How are we getting in, Luke?”

“I don’t know, Anna!” Luke snapped at her.

“Check this out,” Harley said.

The six looked. The heat from the electric ball was causing his gloves to smoke.

“Great. And what are you going to do with your blue ball now?” Anna chided.

He looked at her. “You can be such a bitch.”

“Men do that to me.”

Luke snapped, “Harley, get rid of it!”

“Someone might be able to figure out who we are if we keep using our real names.” Harley moved into a pitcher stance, looking at the front doors. “We really are going to have to come up with superhero names. Something…”

Luke looked at the doors. Four guards now stood at the doors watching them. He looked back at Harley, and all of his knowledge of kinetic energy and mass revealed to him a horrible outcome.

“Cool,” Harley finished saying.

“NO!” Luke yelled a moment too late as Harley chucked the ball of electricity at the doors. The ball hit the doors and discharged with the force of three sticks of TNT.

The lobby windows burst.

The guards were blown across the open space.

The steel and cherry wood front desk exploded.

Glass and shrapnel whizzed away with a zing, slicing through skin and clothing.

Alarms began wailing.

Luke turned to Harley. He wore an expression that told more about how enraged he was than any words could.

“I didn’t… I didn’t know it…” Harley stammered. “I didn’t think it would…”

“You didn’t think a ball of electricity might blow up!? Did you think it would just make pretty lights?”

“It’s not like I’ve been throwing balls of electricity around all my life, Luke!”

“So you don’t have basic knowledge of electricity, too? I suppose before you died you put your fingers in electric sockets! Threw water on exposed lines!”

“Guys,” Leverett said.

Harley snapped back, “I didn’t know it would do that, asshole! I’ve never made electricity with my bare hands before!”

“Luke,” Leverett said.

“That’s your excuse!? I’m ignorant so I can be stupid?” Luke snapped back.

“MEN!” Leveret yelled.

“WHAT!?” they both snapped at him.

“Luke, as our leader, shouldn’t you be more concerned about the alarms going off and retrieving Joachim’s body before the police show up?” Leverett asked.

Luke looked at the destroyed lobby, and then shot a glare at Harley, but he didn’t reinstate the argument.

In a calmer voice, Luke told them, “Follow me. And no one use names until we’re out.”

“What should we use?” Sabra asked.

“I don’t care,” he snapped.

The six hesitated a moment before following him.

Luke glanced at the guards as he walked by them, hoping they weren’t dead. They didn’t need the world thinking they were murderers.

He led them to the stairs and down to the morgue.

At the morgue door he pulled out a key ring with two dozen keys. It took seventeen tries to find the right one.

The group entered the dimly lit room. The morgue was one of the few departments that was staffed during the day but not at night.

“I still do not understand why a tech place has a morgue,” Leverett whispered. He didn’t really need to whisper, but it seemed the appropriate thing to do in a morgue.

“Well,” Phan began, “besides using the bodies for experiments, they also need to—”

Anna grabbed Phan’s throat, strangling him silent. “Not. Now.”

He barely nodded and she let go. Phan rubbed his throat and started glaring at her when she turned away from him.

“Okay, the bodies are over there in the freezer,” Luke said and led them to the freezer. He pulled open the door, revealing a room with shelves of body bags or bodies in full body suits with strange electrical patterns and areas of LED lights. “BRINDA says the ones in suits are back up units for the computer when one fries. The ones in bags are for experiments. Check the body bags first.”

They fanned out, unzipping body bags enough to see the occupant’s face.

They quickly unzipped and zipped body bags until Sabra, hidden by shelves at the far back called out, “Found him.”

They gathered around Joachim, staring at his pale face. He looked too peaceful to be dead.

“Too bad he didn’t believe,” Leverett said.

“BRINDA got the police file from the day he died and there was social media posts and videos all over the web,” Anna told them. “He had control of the weather and made a storm inside the precinct. Before he died, he killed that bastard partner of his with lightening. He did believe, just not soon enough.”

The moments following were awkward silence. The superheroes realized they could have been Joachim too. They could have died a second time, realizing at the last minute that BRINDA was right, and that there was no return to their old lives. It was a heavy reality to face.

Anna suddenly pushed them out of her way, zipped up the bag, and hoisted it onto her shoulder. “But he didn’t. Let’s move.”

“Do you need help?” Harley asked.

“I put my fists through walls. What do you think?”

Harley shrugged.

“Come on,” Luke urged.

The group headed back up the stairs. They came to the last landing as three police officers walked through the door. The police officers drew their guns.

“Don’t move,” an officer ordered.

They obeyed for lack of a better idea.

“Now might be a really good time for that little gift of yours, Leader,” Anna urged.

“It doesn’t work on demand, yet,” Luke said.

She leaned in, pressing the cold corpse of Joachim against Luke’s back. “Then imagine yourself in jail getting butt fucked every night.”

That worked. The stairwell turned into Hawkins Point. The sudden change of scenery confused the police officers.

“Could you give us something else? Something we can actually work with here?” Anna told him.

Luke scrunched his face, thinking of a place. His old lab surrounded them.

“Captain, muster up a small lightening ball; one that won’t kill anything.” Luke ordered Harley.

He heard something pop and hiss behind him and a ball of electricity flew past his ear. It hit one officer. He fell back against the other two and the ball shocked all three, knocking them unconscious.

The stairwell appeared. The six charged out the door into a lobby full of firefighters, paramedics, six more police officers, and what was left of the Q.E.D. guards. The police officers and guards ripped their guns from their holsters.

“Aw hell!” Leverett cried. “This was supposed to be easy!”

“Stealing a body is never easy,” Phan told him.

“Yeah. Because you’ve stolen a lot.”

Phan didn’t comment. Leverett looked at him. Phan offered a nervous smile.

“Are you kidding me!?” Leverett bellowed.

“I had student loans!”

Louder Leverett bellowed, “Are you fucking kidding me!?”

“Put the body down,” an officer ordered.

“I’m having a conversation here, young man. Put that gun away and wait your turn!”

The officer holstered his gun and answered. “Yes, sir.”

Leverett had looked away to yell again at Phan but the response got his attention. He looked at the man. The officer had obeyed Leverett’s command.

Luke looked back at him. With a single head nod he motioned at the officers and firefighters blocking the hero’s way out.

Leverett nodded. Using a firm, authoritative voice he’d trained himself to use with suicide jumpers and people who were in a panic, Leverett ordered, “I want all of you to put the safety back on those guns and put them away.”

As a group, they obeyed. The firefighters and paramedics looked ready to run. One took a couple steps toward the door.

“Now,” Leverett ordered, “everyone stay right where you are. Do not move a single step.”

They stopped moving. Their expressions went blank.

“This is like looking at the terra cotta army,” Phan commented in a whisper. “This is some creepy pasta shit!”

“Good. Once we have left the parking lot, you can move again. You’ll go take care of those officers in the stairwell, get them to the hospital. Understand?”

“Yes,” they answered in unison.

The six didn’t move.

“We should maybe go now,” Phan whispered.

They started walking, weaving their way through the people. To the six it felt like they were walking through zombies that at any moment would attack them. As soon as the six were outside, they ran like hell to their van. Harley had leapt into the driver’s seat and revved the engine to life before the doors were even closed. He slammed it into drive and was squealing out of the parking lot as the others slammed doors shut.

The lobby remained still until the van turned out of the parking lot. Eight people dropped, bleeding from their nose and ears. The others shook themselves out of the shock, finding they had bloody noses, and were unable to tell anyone what had happened to the body snatchers.

Sᴇarch the FindNovel.net website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.