The day before he’s due to leave, we have dinner together and there’s a solemnity in the air. It’s like we both know that it will be a long time before we see each other again and we’re too afraid to ruin the moment with idle chatter.

We go to bed, clinging tightly together.

“I’m going to miss this,” I whisper.

“Not for long,” he murmurs back, but we both know that it’s a lie.

In the middle of the night, I feel a dip in the bed but I don’t register what’s happening. My subconscious mind thinks that Demethys is merely getting up to use the restroom.

I turn over, pulling his pillow towards me and bury my face in it, breathing in his scent as I drift back to sleep.

The next morning when I wake, Demethys is already gone. At first I think he might just be in the bathroom or downstairs in his office but when I roll over, a piece of paper crumples under me.

When I pick it up and glance at it, I immediately realize the truth. Tears spring into my eyes as I start reading it.

My dearest Harper, it reads.

I couldn’t bear the thought of saying goodbye to you. I hate saying goodbye. It feels too final, too emotional. Instead I will tell you I’ll see you soon.

Because I promise that I will see you the minute I come back. I want you to know that I am leaving in extreme reluctance. I wouldn’t ever leave you if I didn’t have to. You are my sun, my moon, and my stars.

This line hits me hard and I start sobbing, unable to hold back the tears. I continue reading, clutching the letter in trembling hands. Wet tears stain the ink as I flip through all four pages. I pray fervently to the gods that they deliver Demethys back to me soon.

I want only the best for him, of course, but what I want most is for him to be back in my arms, safe and happy. He left the book we bought yesterday on the side table, another note in it for me to read, telling me to write in the margins which parts I liked so we can discuss it when he’s back.

I can’t lie in bed all day and I vowed I would get straight back to my chores when he left. I got a long enough vacation, I don’t need the other zagfer servants to resent me for being a layabout as well.

Heading to my own room, I enter to find it covered in a thin layer of dust, smelling a touch musty. I throw open a window, breathing in the fresh air and trying to force myself to put on a good face while I get dressed.

I need to get used to being without him again. Even though it’s going to be much longer than before, I still made it through last time and I can do it again.

Scrubbing away my tears, I fix my hair into its usual braids and pin them under my cap before smoothing a hand over my simple, gray cotton dress and tie the white apron around my waist.

I’m presentable enough for work now, though I miss dressing in pretty dresses every day. I descend the stairs, carrying the dirty linens with me and head to the kitchen to begin my daily chores.

My efforts are poor though, my body feeling listless without Master Demethys there to brighten my day. I miss him already and it’s merely been a few hours.

The ache inside increases as I clean his office, knowing that he won’t be back to see it for a long time. I won’t have to come in here every day anymore. Probably only once every few weeks. Maybe less if he’s gone for a very long time.

The worst is not knowing how long he’ll be gone, I think. I start dusting his desk and my hand stills as a memory floats to the surface.

I was here, unloading supplies for my former master for a party that Demethys was hosting. It was then that he saw me standing next to his office with a heavy bag of flour. He grabbed it for me and hoisted it up, not even minding that he got his clothes dirty. This was only the second time we ever met, after he ordered from my master’s shop for his party.

When he carried it into his kitchen and plopped the bag down, I immediately got a kitchen cloth damp and dusted off his jacket for him.

“You’re such a hard worker,” Demethys said.

“I do my best, sir,” I say with a nod of my head.

“And your master makes you carry these bags by yourself?”

“Yes, sir. All day, every day.”

Demethys was upset at the idea of a dark elf forcing a young, human female slave to do his fetching and carrying.

“You should work here. I’d never make you do the heavy, laborious tasks that your master does. Would you like that? I could purchase you and you would live a much more comfortable life.”

I was taken aback by that and my suspicion must have shone through because he was quick to reassure me that he had no ill intentions—merely that he thought someone as kind and hard-working as me ought to be treated with more respect.

Within a few days he was purchasing my freedom from my former master for a tidy sum and bringing me back to his manor home to begin my new life.

And while he was respectful of my space, he seemed to seek me out intentionally whenever I was cleaning. I loved talking to him, telling him about my day and idle servant gossip. In turn, he told me stories about his childhood and what it was like to grow up as the second son of a prominent family.

He asked me to clean his office since Ivrir often fell asleep in front of the fire while he was supposed to be cleaning. While I would clean, he would sit and do paperwork and chat with me. Whenever he wasn’t off on assignment, which was often in the first few months, he was always talking to me and sharing things with me.

There was a clear attraction between us but Master Demethys never once tried anything untoward. He gave me ample space and always regarded me with the utmost respect.

After a while, he started having me take over more of Ivrir’s duties. Ivrir was the head of the household in name only. I was to be the one to exclusively clean his bedroom. The other servants took linens in and out to wash but I was the one who tidied up, cleaned his private bathroom, swept his fireplace…everything.

I don’t know if the other servants minded but I never heard any protests. In fact, they treated me even more kindly when they realized that things ran much smoother without Ivrir trying to be in charge.

Life was good but it felt like there was a growing tension between Master Demethys and I. At the time I thought it was due to the stress from the wars but I now know it was because he was trying so hard to hold back from expressing himself to me.

One night, things came to a head after I woke up from a nightmare. Master Demethys had just gotten back from a mission and was tending to his wounds all alone because he didn’t want to wake the servants.

I saw him sitting in his office, struggling to bandage a cut on his ribcage and immediately entered without knocking, startling him. He protested that the injuries were just minor but I shushed him and started helping him clean and bandage the rest.

As I was doing so, I made my way up to his last injury, on his cheek. We were so close together, the silence stretching between us. One look into his eyes and I saw that he was mesmerized by my movements. I couldn’t tear my gaze away either, when I realized he was watching me.

Our mouths moved at the same time, meeting in the middle as we shared a gentle kiss.

After that, it was never the same again. He approached me that afternoon, with a single morning glory in hand and asked to court me. He wanted to prove that he wasn’t going to simply seduce me and then have me dismissed. He wanted to show me how much he had grown to care.

I took the flower and accepted his courting request. We shared everything. He was my first in every way.

And now he’s gone again, for who knows how long? How can I possibly go on for months without him? How can I pretend everything is normal?

How can I just act like everything is fine when my heart is breaking inside? I love Demethys with all my heart. He’s the only person who has ever truly taken the time to get to know me and who I am. No one has ever cared about me like this before.

Demethys is my entire world and I just have to keep pretending like I’m not worrying myself sick about him and his fate? What if he is permanently injured? What if he is killed while he’s away?

It hurts inside to have to say goodbye. We’ve had such a short time together and it’s been interspersed with him being sent on missions in between.

My stomach rolls and I have to rush to the bathroom next to the kitchens to heave up the contents of my meager breakfast. I hadn’t been able to eat much because of how despondent I’ve been. Being without Demethys is making me physically ill as well as turning me upside down emotionally at this point.

Oh Demethys. Please come back to me soon.

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