Sheer Cupidity: A Standalone Cupidity Romance (Heart Hassle Book 5)
Sheer Cupidity: Chapter 31

LEX

I did the right thing.

At least, that’s what I tell myself over and over. Every minute. Every hour. Every day. Every week. I tell myself that again and again and again, every time my mind drifts to Belren. Which is often.

I wonder if Benicia does the same thing.

Before, when Belren died for me, I felt guilt and confusion. Now, I just feel hollow.

So, all in all, things aren’t great.

My afterlife used to be so…fulfilling. When I said I loved my job, I meant it. I loved everything about it. Shooting Love Arrows got me giddy. I sighed with reverence every time I made a Match. I often couldn’t wait to spread around Flirt Touches and watch the magic happen. I loved creating meaningful connections, I loved being a cupid. I loved love.

Now though? Now, I kind of hate it.

Not ideal for a cupid to hate love, but there it is.

I nock another Arrow onto my bowstring and pull it back, watching the two fae in front of me. I let it fly, hitting my target perfectly, and a puff of red evaporates like mist. The male latches eyes with the person beside him on the bench, and just like that, love has begun.

Jerks.

My wings tingle a bit, and I feel the love soak in, but it’s not gratifying like it used to be. Now, I’m too bitter to taste the sweet.

Walking away, I let my bow hang loosely in my hand, barely skirting around a couple of fae with goat legs as they go running by.

This spot is quite popular, no doubt for how picturesque it is. The island is small, but what it lacks in size, it makes up for in pretty romantic spots. Like the blooming meadow just behind me, and the tufts of trees that grow into natural archways, making little convenient spots for fae to hide beneath for passionate rendezvous. Fae of all kinds are around, many of them having a picnic by the crystalline lake, taking advantage of the sunshine.

If I were my old innocent, naive, blissful self, I would absolutely adore this place. But I can’t find the adoration for it anymore, because it’s been six weeks since Belren disappeared. Six weeks feels like a long time when you’re grieving. It also reminds me of just how short it really is in the grand scheme of things, which just makes it worse, because for me, there’s no end in sight.

Whether it’s six weeks or six thousand weeks, I’ll still miss him.

I did the right thing.

I’m sure I did, because he’s somewhere, existing, without the fear of an expiration date. Yet still, when I lie awake at night in my corporeal form, or when I’m roaming the realm to give Love with a lackluster aim, all I want is him.

All I want is to be haunted again.

With a sigh, I stop in one of the shadowed archways and go corporeal, putting my bow and arrow away so I can just sit on the grass and enjoy the perfumed breeze in the air. I watch the fae around the island, half-heartedly trying to see if I can spot any other unmatched potentials, but just as I spot a group, my cupid mark glows pink.

Frowning, I look down at my number, my thumb rubbing over it. A second later, I hear a familiar and heavily accented voice coming up behind me. “So she does take breaks. Shocking, that.”

My head jerks around, my brows shooting up in surprise when I see none other than Sev and Emelle walking up to me.

“What are you two doing here?” I ask, jumping to my feet.

Sev grins at me, raking his eyes up and down my form before he shoves his hands in the pockets of his bright orange pants. “Gotta say, I’m surprised to see you outta the librarian getup.”

I self-consciously brush my hands down the formfitting pants and tunic I’m wearing. “I thought it would be good to have a new fae wardrobe, since I’m going to be staying in this realm for the near future.”

Emelle winks, since she’s wearing something similar. “You fit right in.” She pulls me into a hug, squeezing me tight. “Sev tells me you’ve made four hundred Love Matches already this month. I don’t want you to push yourself too much. After everything that happened…”

A lump forms in my throat, and I have to shove away the emotions that I don’t want to feel. It’s easier to throw myself into my work again instead of thinking too much. I suppose I still haven’t learned—I’ve reverted right back to old habits—and it all boils down to the fact that I don’t know how to cope.

When we pull away, I give her what I hope is a reassuring smile. “I’m fine, truly. I’m happy to get back on track with all of my goals and cupidity standards. It…keeps me busy.”

Wow. I’m really good at lying lately.

She nods like she was expecting that answer. “Still, I worry about you.”

Sev tilts his head toward her. “She gets all weepy,” he tells me. “I don’t know how to deal with tears and shite.”

Emelle rolls her eyes. “The last time I cried in front of him, he stripped off his shirt, shoved it in my face, and told me to cheer up because abs make everyone happy.”

He shrugs and arches a black brow. “Did I lie?”

“Actually, no,” she relents, looking back at me. “Do you think abs give off endorphins?”

I falter at that. “Oh. Well, um. I’d have to research it later.”

“That’s the spirit,” Sev grins, clapping me on the back.

“Not that I’m not happy to see the two of you, but was there something you needed from me?” I ask.

Emelle nods and then gives me a guilty look. “Actually, yes.”

Uh oh.

“What?” I ask warily.

She hesitates, and Sev cuts in. “She’s got cupids for you to train. We got an influx of ’em.”

I barely suppress a groan. “Recruits? I don’t know…”

“Please,” Emelle begs, grasping my hand. “You’re the best cupid. And I’m not just saying that to flatter you. Sev looked it up back at Cupidville. You are literally the best-performing cupid to have ever cupided.”

Well. That gives me a nice little boost.

Still…

“It takes meticulous attention and patience to train new cupids.”

“I know,” she agrees. “And you’re the best person for the job.”

My eyes narrow. “Are you doing this to distract me, or because the other trainers are all full?”

Emelle winces. “Both.”

I let out a sigh and reach back to make sure my bun is still secure. “Alright, Madame Cupid. I’ll handle the trainees.”

“Thank you,” she beams. “You can start today?”

That was quick.

“Of course,” I tell her. She really has been the most understanding, relaxed, wonderful boss that cupidity has ever had. I haven’t even been assisting like I should be, so I certainly can’t complain. Maybe throwing myself into training will be a good thing. Aside from the distraction, it will mean I’m not alone, which is how I’ve been these past six weeks, since I’ve pretty much given up on the whole cupid partners thing. Apparently, I’m too aggressive at cupidity to be a good team player.

“Perfect. Thank you, Lex.”

“It’s my pleasure.”

They continue to both stare at me, and I wait for them to say more. When they still don’t, I wipe my face, checking to see if I have something on it. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Emelle clears her throat. “Well. There’s something else we wanted to ask you.”

I look from her to Sev. “We?”

“This affects Sev just as much as it will affect me.”

I’m intrigued. “Alright… What is it?”

“Well…I’ve been thinking,” she begins, chewing on her bottom lip nervously. “See, the thing is, I’m here.”

I wait for her to elaborate, but she doesn’t. “Yes? You’re here. Talking to me…”

Emelle shakes her head. “No, no. That’s not what I mean. It’s…well, I’m here always. I can’t go into the Veil because of Ronak. And with my family, I can’t, like, just go off onto Love rushes or Lust binges, you know? I’m here permanently.”

“Okay…” I press. “I’m still not understanding what you’re getting at.”

Sev cuts in. “Boss lady here wants to take off the love chaps and pass ’em off, get it?”

I blink. “I’m sorry, what?”

Emelle takes a deep breath. “What I’m trying to say is, I think it’s time for me to resign my place as Head of Cupidity.”

My mouth instantly drops open. For a moment, I’m sure I heard her wrong. “Resign? But you can’t! You’ve brought so much wonderful change to cupids everywhere!” I argue. “Cupid breaks, cupid partners, cupid parties… You’ve massively cut back on terminations, you’ve initiated wonderful training camps and installed trainers…the entire cupid world has changed so much because of you, and all of it has made our afterlives so much better and richer!”

I can’t even imagine going back to how things were. I didn’t know any other way then, but now that I do… Just the thought of all the cupids that will be affected by this change makes me nauseated.

At my list of examples, a proud smile fills Emelle’s expression. “Yes, and I’m so glad I was able to do all of that. But let’s face it, I’m just a figurehead,” she says, shrugging a defeated shoulder. “I can’t go to Cupidville. I can’t even go into the Veil anymore. Heck, I even have all the Veil powers in me, like a bunch of puzzles mixed together, so I’m not wholly cupid anymore—I don’t have the right pieces,” she tells me. “I haven’t shot a Love Arrow in months. I have no business being the boss. I’ve been lucky that I’ve had Sev to run things back in Cupidville, but it’s not fair to him, and he wants to get back into the field.”

I shoot a surprised look at Sev.

“What? I’m gettin’ a bit bored. I mean, do you see this?” he asks, motioning down his body. “I’m not meant for administrative work, get it? And maybe I miss the bit o’ Lust I used to blow out.”

My head swims and my fingers tangle in anxious twists. “But…what if someone comes in and just…undoes all the changes you’ve implemented? That would be absolutely horrible. There could be a big cupid uprising. They love you as their boss. Someone else will mess everything up.”

“They won’t,” she says with conviction.

“They might promise that in the beginning, but how can you know for sure?” I challenge.

“Because,” Emelle states, “I’m giving the title to you.”

Shock courses through me like waves crashing against my eardrums and beating against my heart. “What?”

“You’re the best cupid ever, Lex. And not just because of all these crazy goals you’ve hit, but because of your heart,” she tells me, rainbow eyes tearing up as she softly places a hand over the organ indicated. “You are the perfect cupid, because you love bestowing love on others, and you’re dedicated to not only every Match, but every fellow cupid too.”

“Emelle…” I shake my head, too much emotion flooding me, too many doubts swarming like wasps. “I can’t possibly take over as Head of Cupidity.”

“You can,” she says firmly, dropping her hand. “And what’s more is you deserve it, and cupidity deserves to have you. A true cupid at heart, leading by example.”

A million doubts swarm in my head. “I can’t,” I whisper, denial thick on my tongue. “I’ll mess up. Or the cupids won’t accept me, or—”

“They’ll fooking accept you, luv,” Sev cuts in. “They’re sick of me, to be honest. Too many orgies in the office.”

Emelle casts him a look. “During break times though, right?”

He shoots me a conspiratorial wink. “Sure. Anyway, like I was saying, you’ll be fine.”

I blow out a heavy breath. “I don’t know…”

“It’s your decision,” Emelle tells me. “But no one else will ever be as perfect for the job as you are.”

Her faith in me makes my heart swell, and the prospect sounds…amazing. Shocking and terrifying, but also amazing. I never thought in a million years that I would ever be offered something like this. Yet here she is, handing it to me on a pink platter, because she thinks I’m the perfect cupid.

“I’m not as perfect as you think,” I admit, feeling shame crawl up my neck and heat my cheeks. “Ever since, you know, I just…don’t love love as much as I used to. For the first time, this”—I motion toward my bow and arrow—“feels like a job. So maybe I’m not the right fit after all. I would’ve been before, but now…”

Instead of looking worried, Emelle just nods. “I get what you’re saying, but Lex, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Because you see, you’ve been the perfect, peppy cupid who believed love is the answer to everything, and you’ve also experienced heartbreak firsthand. What better person to truly understand all the facets of love than you? Love isn’t all sunshine and roses, and you understand that. You also know what it takes to be a great cupid, and you can inspire so many.”

Well, when she puts it like that…

I swallow hard and then begin to pace inside our shadowed archway, putting a few feet between us so I can think. Mentally, I make up a pros and cons list of all the reasons why it would be good or bad for me to accept.

Emelle and Sev watch me quietly as I go back and forth, batting away wayward vines as I attempt to walk through my thoughts for this huge decision. Taking over all of cupidity, being in charge of every single cupid, being the one to make the decisions…

Can I do that?

I’m a perfectionist workaholic, sure. And I’ve probably researched more about cupids than anyone else, but does that mean I can actually lead?

“You’re ready, Lex,” Emelle says, as if she can tell the direction my thoughts have headed. “I wouldn’t offer this position to you if I didn’t totally believe that. Plus, Sev and I will be here to support you every step of the way. Always.”

I straighten the strap of my quiver and run a hand over my shirt before spinning on my heel and stopping in front of them. I look between the two of them, and I’m ready to tell her that I need a day, a week, a year to truly contemplate all the positives and negatives of this, but instead, what comes out is, “I’d need full training as an interim. At least ninety days. And you have to be okay with me popping in to ask you questions. I’ll probably annoy you with how much I check in, but it’s imperative that I—”

“Are you saying you’ll take the job?” Emelle interjects, a smile starting to spread across her face.

I feel a little shell-shocked. “Yes, I suppose I am.”

She lets out such a loud squeal that no doubt some fae probably heard it. Sev digs a finger in his ear like she broke his eardrum. “Fooking shite on a stick,” he mumbles.

Once again, Emelle slams into me with a fierce hug. I never considered myself a hugger, but I’m starting to get used to hers. “You’re going to be amazing, Lex. Much better than I ever was.” I start to argue, but she pulls away and shakes her head. “No, really. You’re what Cupidville needs.”

Feeling a bit awkward at the proud way she’s smiling at me, I clear my throat and pretend to straighten my sleeve. “Well, I’ll certainly try my best,” I promise. “So how does this work?”

“We figured that out already! We researched it,” she says, wagging her brows proudly.

I can’t help but smile.

“Anyway, it goes like this.” Emelle takes hold of my arm with my cupid mark. “Ready?”

“Now?”

“No time like the present,” she chirps.

I hesitate for a moment. “Alright, Madame Cupid.”

Emelle tears up a little. “That’ll be the last time you call me that.”

Looking down at our arms, she runs a finger down her cupid mark, making her whole arm glow bright pink. “I, cupid one thousand fifty, name cupid sixty-nine my successor as Head of Cupidity.” She presses her glowing marks against mine, and as soon as she does, I suck in a breath at the jolt that passes from her skin to mine.

Little pink lightning bolts erupt between us, like static electricity caught between blankets. It makes the hair on the back of my neck lift, and a warmth spreads up my arm and down my spine.

It’s over in seconds, and when Emelle pulls her arm away, all she has now is her cupid number. But I stare at my arm, which now has a new mark—a heart with an arrow through it right below my number.

Adrenaline—or maybe newfound cupid power—seems to shoot through my veins.

I run a finger over the new mark, watching as it glows softly. Somehow, I inherently know how to call for her or Sev or any cupid I could possibly need, just as I know I could use the mark to bring me wherever I want to go.

“Wow.”

“I know,” Emelle says, dropping her hand. “Feels trippy, huh?”

That’s one way to put it.

“I guess I should go to Cupidville?” I ask, still marveling at the mark. “Goodness, I have so much to do…I’ll need to research all about past transitions and determine what methods were most successful. I’ll also need to meet with the other Veil heads, as well as make sure cupid processing is running smoothly, oh, and I should probably throw a party? Though I’ll need to come up with a theme…”

“Lex, breathe,” Emelle tells me.

I take a huge breath. “Right. Thank you.” My head is swimming with all the things I need to do now to make sure I can live up to Emelle’s legacy. “I’m going to need an assistant.”

Sev grins.

“Um. Maybe…maybe not you.” I try to say it as politely as possible.

His grin gets wider. “See? You’re already doing a right well job of it. Better judgment than this one,” he says, elbowing Emelle.

“You did great too, Sev,” she says, patting his arm. “Despite all the sexcapades during office hours.”

“Thanks.”

“And who knows, maybe you’ll find the perfect assistant with your new trainees,” Emelle points out.

Doubtful. Most new cupids are absolutely dreadful. Can’t even properly drag a finger for some Flirt Touches. Their technique is usually way off.

Wait…

“You mean I still have to train some new cupids even though I’m going to be the boss?”

“Yep. No take-backsies. Why do you think I made you agree to that first?” she says with a smirk.

I let out a sigh. “Alright.”

“Speaking of…”

Emelle looks to Sev, and he nods. “Right. Be back in a stiffie.”

He disappears in a cloud of pink glitter.

“Went to go get your trainees,” Emelle explains.

“Right. Okay. Umm…” I nervously run a hand over my scalp to make sure no hair is out of place. I don’t have the best track record of working with other cupids, but I’m determined to be a good teacher and not the kind of teacher everyone hates. “How do I look?”

“You look perfect.”

I blink at Emelle. Because the answer was somewhat expected.

The voice was not.

I’m frozen, staring at Emelle, wondering what just happened, but then I see her lips curve into a smile, and her teary eyes glance over my shoulder. “Your trainee is here.”

My entire body erupts with goose bumps, and I slowly turn around, already shaking.

Because I know that voice.

Standing just a few feet away, the male before me has silver skin and gray molten eyes. He has gray horns curled around his head, and a pair of stark-red-feathered wings at his back. His loose hair that hangs at his shoulders was once white but now is the same pink as my own. But the best part?

He’s as solid as the world around him, not a single inch of him sheer or muted.

“Belren?”

And it’s that smirk. That curling, curving smirk that makes me nearly faint as he strides over to me. I can’t even breathe as he stops before me. Can’t properly see with the way tears have flooded my eyes.

When he lifts a hand to grip my chin, a choked sob escapes me at the solid warmth of his touch just before he leans in and whispers against my cheek. “I told you I’d find you.”

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