Shadow
Chapter Forty-One

Idonia Torbet

“Ow! Fuck!” I yell, grabbing my cheek as I feel the bright red liquid.

“Oh, gods! Sorry, Khanelea,” Kosta drops his two knives and grabs a cloth to wipe off the blood.

“Are you alright, sister?” Olen runs to me with a canteen of water.

“I’m fine, Olen. Thank you, both of you,” I hold the cloth to my cheek while taking a drink of water. Not two minutes later, Rae comes running to the training yard. He’s panting, running to me to cup my face.

“Idonia? What happened?” Rae removes the cloth to see my cheek has already healed. I shake my head, pressing my lips to his cheek.

“I’m fine,” I assure him. “A mere training accident.”

“Olen?” Rae growls at my younger brother. I grab his shoulders and make him look at me and not the trembling pup.

“No, your greatness,” Kosta kneels in front my mate. “Khanelea Idonia was simply helping me train to be a good soldier in Khannun Kol’s army.”

“Who are you?”

“Kosta Nenouf, I am from northern Waerham in a town called Bravollr."

"A hunter or a farmer?"

"My father was a farmer, my mother weaved."

"His brother and him did trapping during the winter," I explain next, only earning a scowl from Rae. "He's good."

"How good?" Rae keeps his eyes on me, only for Olen to answer.

"Not as good as me, but improving."

"Olen, a Viker--"

"Never gloats or flaunts an ego," Olen recites mindlessly. I glower at him, making my brother shrug.

"I apologize again," Kosta adds.

"There is nothing to apologize for," I remind Kosta. "It was a training accident."

"Maybe you shouldn't be training," Rae suggests, making me glare at him.

"What?" I send to him through my link. "You can't make that decision!"

"I just did, Idonia." His eyes soften before I scoff and leave the training area.

He isn't allowed to do that. He isn't allowed to control me as my mate or my Khanel. Angry tears start to form, but I push them back as I stomp my way through the gardens up to the castle. The flowers have all lost their petals and have started to die off. Dying like my faith in Rae.

I though he admired me as a fighter. I though he would never try to control that part of my life. The one part of my life I would always have control over. Rae wants to take that from me. I came here for him, I'm being the Khanelea, the Khanea in the future. Yet he wants to prevent me from being me simply because of an accident.

How many times have I been hurt in training? Those males were never easy on me. My beast always healed me, just like she did today.

Once I get to our hall, to the door to our bedroom, I am stopped by a soft wail. The cries of a pup softly drift through the hall, making me turn from my trajectory into my bedroom to go the few doors down to Rikki and Disa's room. There is the new mother with her pup. Disa cradles a wiggly Sinikka who turns red and then purple with tears.

Disa desperately tries to put the pup's mouth around her nipple, but she won't latch on. Even through Disa's calming coos, her soft words, and soothing touch, Sinikka wouldn't feed. Carefully, I knock on the door. A servant whose name I do not know greets me first.

"Apologies, Khanelea, but the Madam is trying to feed her pup." As she tries to close the heavy wooden door, Disa stops her.

"It's alright, Berg. Let the Khanelea inside." The door opens for me and I enter. "My milk has not come in. I do not want to send her to a wet nurse, I want to feed her myself."

"I know," I sit on her bedside and watch the pup squirm and cry. "Berg? Please fetch us ale, very weak, the kind given to the younger males." The servant bobs her head and leaves us.

"Why are you back so early? Shouldn't you be training?" Disa continues to rock Sinikka back and forth as we wait for the servant.

"It's a long story," I try to give her a smile, but it's week. My anger at Rae still bubbles in my beast. He's hurt us in a horrible way. A way that will not be easily forgiven. The two of us have gotten past so many issues and this feels like a huge regression backwards. "For now, let Sinikka be fed by a nursemaid. A growing pup needs milk. Yours will come in soon, I promise."

It didn't take long for Berg to return with the ale, I had Disa drink it slowly as Sinikka was taken off to be fed by a wet nurse. "Take my mind off of this trouble. What is wrong with your training? I thought you were very strict about the schedule?"

"I am," I let out a huff and turn to look out the window. "I got hurt, a little scratch." I draw my finger over where the injury had occurred. By now the blood had scabbed and the scab had disappeared into nothing but a faint line that would be gone by the afternoon.

"Raedwulf got upset, no doubt."

"He did, he forbid me from training anymore. I'm no dainty female, I am a warrior, built to fight and defend. He can't do this to me." The rage fills me once again, making my beast fight inside of me. She started becoming more present after the first shift. Now, when this red emotion bubbles inside of me, so does she.

"When Rikki and I were first getting to know one another, we went horseback riding. Breeding and training horses was a large hobby of my father's, Aeral Ohlson, so I was raised around the animal. However, my mare got a stone bruise and threw me because of the pain," Disa took a deep breath, looking anxiously around the room for her pup. I place my hand on hers, silently encouraging her to continue. "We weren't even fully mated at the time, but Rikki freaked. He told me he never wanted me on a horse's back again.

"Of course, I was furious. We didn't speak to one another for three days. After we made up, we mated. It was hard to understand at the time, but later I got it. He was hurt defending Raedwulf from some anti-royalty rioters in the city. I- I felt his pain, I felt his panic, after that, I understood why he reacted that way. When he was in that situation, I felt his fear and sorrow."

"But I wasn't afraid. I'm not afraid to get hurt training."

"Context isn't important when you feel your mate's pain," she explains once more, then her eyes scan the room.

"Are you on his side?"

"No, a female should have the right to defend herself, to protect her family, but you are no ordinary female. You're the Khanelea, you may already carry the next Khannun inside you. It isn't just Raedwulf that wants to protect you, everyone here does. Sure there are other Khanels to hold the title as the next Khannun, but you are the here and now. Not only that, but being a northern daughter--"

"I'm a political tool by the southern heirarchy. I realize that."

"Say Avon's mate is a southern daughter and he must become Khannun, the northern Aerals, Masters, and commonfolk will have an issue that a half northern heir is lost," Disa rests her hand on my cheek. "Talk to Raedwulf, explain how you feel and don't let your rage fester too long."

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