I WAKE BESIDE ALEKS. Blink. And promptly leap out of bed.

Was it a dream?

“Relax,” he grumbles, his big hand wrapping around my wrist and dragging me back down. “There’s a monitor.”

He points to the monitor on the bedside table that shows the sleeping form of my daughter in the other room.

My daughter. God. How did this even happen? It feels so strange and hard to grasp.

I fall back on the bed, my heart beating too fast. “Are you sure she’s breathing?”

He points back in the monitor’s direction. “Yes. See how her little chest goes up and down? She’s very happily sleeping. I can set up biometrics if you want.” He settles into his pillow and shuts his eyes.

Might seem a little over the top, but…

How did I get here? I think back.

I have a vague recollection of Aleks waking me up and carrying me to bed, then tucking me in. Ivy was already asleep.

“What time is it?” I ask.

He opens one eye, his voice groggy with sleep. He is not amused. “Middle of the fucking night and I’m exhausted. Go back to sleep.” He closes it again.

I try, but it’s more early morning than middle of the night, and I can’t sleep. My mind’s racing with everything that’s happened in such a short time.

I pace around the room and stare at the monitor. I look at Aleks, bare-chested in a pair of boxers, one arm lazily flung over his eyes, his huge hand on the pillow. I stare at his tattoos, only shimmers in the darkness.

He’s definitely asleep.

I don’t know what he does when I’m asleep, but he seems to have the sleeping pattern of a cat. Not totally nocturnal, he naps and lounges in small intervals only to wake up ready to go on the prowl and hunt. I, on the other hand, love sleep. It was a coping mechanism when I lived with my parents. They wouldn’t usually bother me when I was asleep.

I walk back to the monitor and see sweet Ivy. I’ve heard some kids aren’t good sleepers even at her age, but so far so good.

I need to see her. I want to prove to myself that she’s here and that she’s okay. I never had the privilege of looking after her in the middle of the night when she was a baby. It seems like it’s a rite of passage of sorts for a mother.

I might even climb back into bed with her, whether he likes it or not.

I tiptoe over to the door between our rooms. My hand on the knob, I wonder if I’m being overprotective.

I guess that’s a mother’s prerogative.

It is for some mothers, anyway. A little pang hits my chest. I can’t get back what I’ve lost, but I can control the next stage of my life.

I open the door and enter the room. From the doorway, I can hear the faintest sound of her breathing. See the gentle rise and fall of her chest. Little wisps of white-blonde hair are scattered on the tiny pillowcase. She clutches a little teddy bear in her chubby fist. My nose tingles and my eyes grow misty.

I kneel beside my daughter and gently smooth the wisps of hair away from her face and behind her ears. Bend and kiss her.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. Sorry for leaving her. Sorry for not keeping her the very second she left my body. I know I had no choice, but I don’t know how I’ll ever fully forgive myself.

How do I learn to be a good mother?

You love her unconditionally. You teach her. And if there was anything your parents did that was wrong or hurtful…you do the opposite.

What had my parents done that I hated?

Used me.

Treated me like an object.

Hit me when I annoyed them and downplayed my fears.

I guess it honestly wouldn’t be that hard to do better.

I can do this.

I want brothers and sisters for Ivy, too. A part of me wonders if he does.

Aleks isn’t like a regular guy you’d meet that might, say, coach Little League or teach them how to drive a car.

The two of us, both me and Ivy, are in a world that’s totally new. While Aleks says we’ve fast-tracked life, we have a lot to make up for. Maybe evolution or God or whatever made the gestation period for human children nine months to give our brains time to adjust to the concept of a helpless life-form fully dependent on us. I never let myself mentally prepare, because I knew I wasn’t going to be able to keep her.

To be honest, I’ve hardly gotten used to the concept of having a husband.

Ivy rolls over, her cheeks rosy, and sprawls out on the bed. She looks like a little angel.

Soon, we’ll interview nannies. Aleks says his family’s eager to spend more time with me. Get to know me. I guess my white-knuckled wedding day didn’t really count.

I finally pull myself away from Ivy so she can rest and tiptoe noiselessly back into our bedroom. Aleks is still fast asleep.

Outside the window, the winter-swept horizon’s filled with bare trees, the branches sparse. When I look closer, though, I can see the tiniest hint of buds on the branches outside this window. The sun is beginning to peek through clouds, as each day we march closer to spring, we get more and more sunlight. It feels like a sign. Hopeful. Still dark and cold but there’s promise of life in the air.

I stretch and do some early morning yoga, my face toward the sun, content for now in the knowledge that my husband’s here with me and there’s hope for him yet, and my daughter’s safe in the other room.

I stand and stretch, then notice a small notebook beside Aleks’s phone on the bedside table.

Curious, I do a little…investigating, you might say.

Pay off mortgage.

College funds for the other kids.

Anonymous donor.

Isaac and Abigail Brooks.

There’s a series of routing and account numbers below their names.

My hand flies up to my mouth to stifle a gasp when I realize what I’m seeing. So many zeroes…

My phone lights up. I look from Aleks to the phone and back again.

“What did you do?” I whisper.

I tap on the phone and my eyes widen when I see a message from Ivy’s foster mom, Abigail.

Harper. I can’t thank you enough. I know it’s early but I was up at the crack of dawn. We miss Ivy so much. I sat on her little bed for a little while but gave thanks she is with you now. And then I saw the notifications. I know it had to be you. Tears of gratitude. Thank you, thank you. You didn’t have to do that. Bless you!

I swipe at my eyes.

Abigail, it was my new husband, but I’ll be sure to thank him. I am so grateful for all you’ve done for Ivy.

Please do! And don’t be a stranger. We’d love to stay in touch.

I’m not sure Lutheran minister and Bratva mix well, but I guess we’ll see.

“Who you texting?” Aleks’s sleepy-sexy growl of a voice makes me jump.

I put the phone down. “Abigail.”

He pushes up to his elbow, scrubs a hand across his face and cocks an eye at the monitor. “Didn’t I tell you to get your ass back in bed?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

He grunts and plops back onto the pillow. “Come ‘ere.”

I crawl into bed next to him after my own peek at the monitor to make sure she’s still sleeping soundly.

“Why were you texting Abigail this early? She text you first?”

“Yeah. She wanted to thank me for what we did for them.”

He shrugs and closes his eyes, still half asleep.

“Thank you for that.”

He grunts. “Talk’s cheap, woman. You can thank me with that mouth later.”

“Are you trying to use me for sexual favors?”

“Always.”

I reach under the blanket and slide my hand along the length of his cock. The utter maleness of his groan makes me instantly wet.

“Harper. Later.”

I feel his body tense when I stroke him through his boxers. “Fuck.”

“Mmm?”

I slide under the covers and find his warm length. Pull the covers down so I can breathe a bit more easily. Tug down his boxers so his cock springs free.

My mouth waters. I swallow. I’ve never wanted a man before Aleks, and even “want” is kind of an understatement.

I bend my mouth toward him and swirl my tongue on the very tip, tasting salty pre-cum. I swallow.

“Still want me to stop?” I ask in a husky whisper.

I stifle a moan when he tangles his fingers in my hair and wraps them around his fist. “Stop now and I’ll spank your ass.”

I grin, then brace myself so I can fully take him and slide him into my mouth. He helps with firm thrusts of his hips. I suck him in and slide my tongue over the length of his cock.

My thoughts begin to short-circuit as sensations overwhelm me. His hand fisted in my hair, guiding my mouth up and down while I suck and lick. His fingers on my hand, showing me how to cup his balls while I suck him. The guttural sound of his moan edging on my own arousal. His voice, all husky and rough, whispering filthy, perfect words I could play on repeat and never tire of hearing.

“Good girl, that’s my perfect little wife. You know just how to please me. Just like that. You’re a fucking wet dream come to life, Princess.”

I smile and close my eyes, losing myself in the way his rough hands feel in my hair, the coarse hair on his thighs feels beneath my hands, the velveted steel of his cock in my mouth. The sense of absolute power that courses through my veins.

“Jesus fuck,” he says with a groan. “Stop or I’ll come in your mouth.”

“S’okay,” I whisper and go right back to it with another languid suck.

His grip in my hair tightens to painful. “Stop.”

I pause reluctantly.

“I want to come inside you,” he says on growl.

As I slide on top of him, I stare into his eyes. “You weren’t kidding about one-upping Mikhail, were you?” No condoms, no birth control. We have a two-year-old in the other room and he fully plans on getting me pregnant.

He holds my gaze. “No.”

He splits me wide open in one savage, perfect thrust. My head falls back as heat rushes through my body.

“Grab your tits,” he says in a rough whisper that makes my nipples harder. I obey, moan, and shift my hips as he makes me ride him. “You come when I tell you to.”

“Mmm,” I say with a whimper. “God, yes.”

I take a peek at the monitor, horrified at the thought of Ivy waking up — he claps a hand to my ass.

“Hey!”

“Eyes on me. She’s fine,” he says with another hard slap to my ass.

My cheeks bloom with fire as he rolls us over and positions me beneath him. His mouth falls to mine as he kisses me, our tongues entwining and our breathing matched. If I still hated him, I think I’d learn to forgive him simply based on how perfectly he fucks me.

“Beg me before you come.”

“I’m already there,” I moan, the first powerful spasm of ecstasy rocking me.

“Beg.” His hand’s at my throat. Gripping. My heart beats so fast I’m dizzy. Something dark and deep and primal in me wants to test him, push him, see what he can do.

I hold his gaze, a silent challenge.

The thrusts of his hips slows, and he licks his lips. The fire in his eyes tells me he likes the challenge as much as he likes my submission.

“Harper,” he warns.

“Mmm?”

Bending his head to mine, he whispers in my ear. “Polina’s coming to watch Ivy today. I’m fully ready to leave Ivy with her and bring you back here to chain you to my desk while I work.”

I swallow. “Sounds fun.”

What am I doing?

“I’ll use your mouth whenever I want it and only let you come when you’ve behaved yourself.”

“Mmm. The anticipation’s killing me.”

So’s the swell of his cock inside me and my growing need to climax, but I won’t give him that satisfaction.

“Do you really want to test me?”

My hips rise to meet his. Bringing my nipples to his lips, he licks. A warning. I stifle a whimper and close my eyes.

The lick becomes a bite. My eyes fly open, and I stare at him.

Holding my eyes, he lifts his hips and thrusts harder. My head falls back and I brace myself, so close to release I’m going to snap.

“Fucking beg me.”

“Beg you for what?” I say in a breathy whisper.

I nearly weep when he pulls fully out.

“Aleks! No. I’m sorry,” I amend. “I’ll beg. Please. I’m sorry, alright, my God you controlling jerk, pleeeasssee.”

Shaking his head, he bends his mouth to my ear and bites. “You’re a brat. I should tie you up and take my belt to your ass before taking your pussy and making you wait for yours.”

I glare at him but quickly forget my gripe when he thrusts back into me. Oh, God, yes, I’ll do anything for this, anything for more.

I reach out and tentatively run my hands along the length of his bare shoulders as he holds my gaze. I clasp my fingers behind his neck and meet every thrust.

“Please,” I whisper. “Please, Aleks. Husband.”

That pleases him. He brushes his lips across mine before he nods. “Come, Princess.”

I drown in pleasure, joined with his. Wave after wave courses through me and he hisses out a breath with his own release.

We’re finally panting and sated when he drops his forehead to mine and lets me go.

It’s then that I realize the voices in my head have been silenced.

There’s nothing now but a symphony of color and perfection playing a sad but lovely tune in the background as I gave myself over to pleasure.

“I’m gonna fuck you hard at the range for that.”

“For what?”

“Making me lose focus.”

I hold back a grin.

“When are we going again?” I ask as if I don’t know precisely. I dart a glance to the monitor and my heart stops.

“Aleks!”

“Mmm?” He rolls off me and reaches for his discarded tee from last night.

“Where’s Ivy?”

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