Rejected Mate and Following Fate - Awakening Book
Chapter 54: Jerk

“I should have found her a long time ago, before any of this. I should have looked harder, but I was young, and stupid, and I believed in my father when he said it was for the best.” Oh, for the love of god! I give up, eyeroll upwards at the fates and mentally ask them is this is deliberate. I mean, when you decide to avoid a topic and they just keep pushing it between us like some sort of annoying sign, it starts to grate a tiny bit. That heartbreak and rawness in the croaking tone tells me finally though, how much the betrayal of his father is screwing him up, and I focus all my energy on that and not the universe trying to make me smother him with his own hoody. I instinctively wrap my arm around his, hoping contact will keep me from heinous beatings, and lean my head on his shoulder in a bid to blank them out. I really want to ease his pain, as it ebbs through me and waves inside of my own heart and stomach. He's still trying to shield me but this close, he's failing to do it fully, and I can feel it inside of me. It's heavy, and deep, and consuming, and I forget everything about being upset with him or angry. I slide my flattened palm along his arm instinctively, cover the back of the hand he has laid on his mom's and entwine my fingers in his, so we hold hands on top of hers. Colton turns his head with my contact and rests his chin and mouth on top of my hair, pushing in against me so we're half cuddling but not really, just touching, leaning together, and for once I don't push him away or feel the need to jump out of proximity. We both exhale at the same time, a heavy releasing of tension, and hurt, and energy, as we sag together, and everything pauses for a second. That calm silence his touch always brings me I can feel him feeding from me, soothing him slightly with my touch like an imprinted mate is meant too, and I close my eyes and enjoy the stolen moment I'm allowing myself. I can push everything else aside and pretend that it's okay to be what he needs when it's about her. When the topic isn't us, and markings, and anything other than being a support for someone who really needs it. “I don't know how to lead, Lorey. These people, this pack. I'm just a kid. I'm not ready.” The devastation and self-doubt rips through me as it waves over me from him, and I look up from my nestled position, shifting to see his face without breaking away. Hating that he feels so out of whack and the normal confident rock I've come to depend on is wavering. “You're a born leader. Maybe it seems hard right now, and things aren't clear, but Colton, you are the best for your people. Look around. They're here with you. You did this. Safe, protected, you stood up and made a stand for them against someone you love. You put them first, always. The good of the pack, it's always your primary focus, even when other things get in the way. How can you doubt that? It's what makes you the strongest kind of leader!” I praise him with honesty, heartfelt, and hushed, as I whisper the words he needs to remember. How he can doubt himself this way is beyond me, when everything I know about him makes it obvious, he was always going to be the best kind of alpha. He is! “Maybe I just want to be a kid who's selfish. Who took the girl he wanted and walked away, and screw all this. I should have left with you. Belonged with you, wherever you went.” He sounds defeated and I know this isn't him. This is a tired and uncertain guy who has had a lot thrown at him. In one day, his ex-mate resurfaces, dragging his long-lost mom along, and he finds out his father kept her prisoner, after murdering his own people and destroyed the life he thought he knew. It hurts to hear him say it, feel it. The regret of what happened with us, even while I'm trying to ignore it. The tears bite at my eyes, and a lump forms in my throat, that almost chokes me, inflicting a unique kind of body and brain ache that's hard to shake off. “Maybe you should have, but you would never have forgiven yourself. You made the choices you made for the good of the pack, even if it hurt us. If you left them, he would never have relinquished control, and they would be suffering still. The fates had a plan, and maybe leaving with me would have changed my path and never led me to her. And what about her? You've waited for her for ten years; she needs you too. They all do. I finally see how all of this is so much bigger than us, Colton. Why it had to be that we couldn't be together. It was by design, and we did what we were meant to, even you when you rejected me.” I nod at Sierra, my own voice strained with my own undercurrents of agonizing emotions, knowing that all of this is his pain talking and the desire to run away from everything hurting him. A normal flight or fight response, and I felt the same when I learned about all of it, in fact I still feel this way. To run and bury my head and wish it'd been different. It's fear, it's overwhelm, but it's pointless and running isn't going to fix any of this anymore. Juan has to pay; the balance has to be restored, and Sierra needs her son. Colton needs to lead. Colton sighs, slides his arms under me fully and picks me up, surprising me with the sudden maneuver, and drags me to his lap where he wraps himself around me. He buries his head under my chin, against my chest so I have no other option than to hold him too, taking from me what he needs, even if he should have asked first. I relent and wrap him up in a hug, being the strength he's lacking, while doubt and heartbreak consumes him. It's both awful, and yet the best thing, to allow myself to be this way for a while even if it confuses my heart all the more. “The people, the war, the future... it's all interwoven. Us, your mom, your dad... we can’t run away from any of this. Even if we wanted to. We're part of it, even in our mistakes, even in our heartbreak. The fates, they know what they're doing and for whatever reason they did this to us, it'll make sense in time.” 1 run my fingers through his thick short hair, stroking it back and lulling him against me Caring for him, giving him what I can as it starts to stir up all kinds of longings, and warm sensations in the pit of my stomach being this connected to him. “I denied the fates, Lorey. Maybe I was meant to find her with you, by your side. Maybe I screwed everything up by rejecting you.” He squeezes me harder, pulling me closer so I end up almost entangled in his body fully, and it starts to feel inappropriate and way too intimate as I naturally fit up against him in the hollow of his lap. Especially with my ass nestling in his groin, and I'm fully aware he's carrying a pretty healthy package, because it's now worked somehow into a position where it's wedged in between my ass cheeks and distracts from the heavy feelings of this scenario. Distraction at its finest, a pretty sizeable one at that, and I try and focus back on what I'm meant to, but it's not an easy task. My eyes scan the room for signs of Carmen crashing in here, because of my own guilty libido as my nether regions tingle. I'm heating up with being this close, skin starting to sizzle, and stomach flipping over at something so nothing and stupid. I don’t seem to have much control over it now, when all I can focus on is the fact, I can feel it through his pants, and mine, and it's impressive. It being... you know.... his ummm. It's not like I haven't seen it, when he's turned from wolf to human again, just somehow when he's standing up and there's a lot of abs, pecks and muscles all levelling out the eye candy, you don't really size up what you don’t want to get caught looking at. I looked that one time, accidently, and it was memorable. I wriggle in a bid to get his “situation’ from under me, not that it's reacting much, it's that I'm painfully aware of it through thin sweats, and once your head goes somewhere like that, it's hard to get it back out of the gutter. I've been having lucid pornographic dreams about him these past weeks while out there alone, but the reality feels a lot more.... Substantial and within grasp. Swallowing hard, trying to rake my mind, and hearing back to him and failing badly. I start blushing crazily, aware I'm being a freak. Heat spreading up from my boobs, neck, and cheeks, that makes me sweat instantly, and overheat, so that I must be turning rosy visibly. Becoming that awkward, sex starved, teen virgin, you read about in young adult romance books. Scared to now put my hand anywhere, and flinch anytime I feel an ounce of movement under me, while trying to avoid looking down, or directly at him, and subtly attempting an escape from impalement without drawing attention to it. “I don't think they ever intended you to be with me. This is where you're needed. They wouldn't give you a role if they didn't think you could do it.” My words are rushed, babbling mainly, cheeks flushing, a little breathless. Focusing on sliding sideways like some sad little untouched having a freak out, because he has a penis, and it's like I just realized, because I'm sitting on it. Distracted from the levity of what we're talking about because Colton is making me .... hot. That's the word! Really, really hot. Squirmy. My whole body pulsating with need now that it's caught on to what's happening. I think I'm experiencing my first full on hormonal breakdown, full haze mode initiated, and craving things I shouldn't. My wiggling does seem to change the atmosphere a little, and the way he frowns at me as he sits up and glances down at my weird moving in his lap, says it all. I react by looking much like a rabbit caught in the headlights, widening my eyes in embarrassment, and try to smile, albeit weirdly at him, to distract him from the fact I'm trying to dislodge my butt from his manhood. I feel like an idiot and slide straight back into his groin with a minor bump that does extract a twinge of movement that makes me gasp lightly. I ignite a semi now he’s aware of where my thoughts are and my grinding on it unintentionally. Oh my god. I didn't mean to and now, it's like that elephant in the room... literally, and I spazz out mentally. Freak out in full. Completely flustered, face so flushed I know I'm probably crimson from chin to roots and my movements are clumsy. It feels bigger like this and it intimidates me more than a lot, now I can feel it half hard, and probing my ass way more. I get a hint of dimple as a slight knowing smile moves in, a raised brow, and his whole aura changes from down and depressed to “well, hello, are you doing what I think you're doing?". That cheeky twinkle in his eye and it's obvious my hormones are giving his hormones the come on. I literally see the slide of Latino Lothario as Colton’s whole aura changes to wolf mode, and his eyes begin to glow. His prey caught in his sights and I become hyper aware that every cell of my body heightens to crazy levels. His wolf rattles mine, and I can't stop the way she piques; knowing my eyes start to glow in response to his primal signals as she uncurls deliciously. I'm suddenly super aware of every part of his anatomy, and tingling with apprehension, as our bodies start to tune in on one another in the first stages of going into heat. This is new for me and the timing couldn't be any worse. He slides his hand under my hair to catch me in his hold, locking his eyes on mine as his pupils dilate, and things get real heavy real fast, so that my lungs literally stop functioning. He lifts my chin and brings his face to mine so our noses graze, the contact ignites a fire inside of me, and I groan softly, so quiet no one in the room hears it but him and I forget that there's other people here. Colton is all in horn mode, his erection growing under me, only making this worse, and I think he even forgets we're sat beside his mom. I almost self-combust as though he zaps me with a taser when he grips me a little harder and move sin with intention. “I don't believe never was in the plan. You're here now. They brought you back to me.” It's so soft it's barely audible, his voice tickles my mouth as he runs the tip of his tongue across his bottom lip and sucks it in, sexy as hell. I pant in response as one of his hands slides under my ass and cups a cheek with a small squeeze. My underwear gets clammy, my heart rate almost explodes, and I press my thighs together to combat the aching sensations down there while I bite on my own lip, such is the desire to do that to him. My head gets insanely foggy, and all I can do is lean in, crave with a hunger like I “m starving to have that tongue in my mouth. The memory of his kiss fueling me on with abandon. My nails rake across his chest as I begin to slide my hands up in readiness to curl around his neck. Instincts taking over as my wolf dominates with her unyielding need. He tilts down softly, and I know what's coming, the slow move in, the way he lifts me to him by the ass as he grazes his nose against mine, and as much as I start to get drawn in, aching for him to do it, something tugs me mentally, clawing slowly at the back of my mind. I'm almost drooling as I relent and start to close my eyes, my heart pounding through my chest, and I want those hands of his to slide up my shirt and feel me out. Yet, I can't. Sense claws at me as he gets so insanely close his lip softly slides against mine, igniting a desire and passion unmatched, and it takes every ounce of will power and strength in me to close my mouth, breathing so heavily I might pass out, and inhale like I need oxygen badly, through my nose. It's incredibly painful and takes everything I have in me to lean back and break the headiness of being caught up in his scent, his touch, his power over me, which inevitably leads to more. Our mixed emotions of strong desire and need for sex is pulsating between us, and I honestly don't know where I find the strength to break it. I lift my hand and stop him midway, with a hand over his soft lips, and close my eyes tight while I try to regain some control and attempts to rationalize. Breathing in and out and slowly, counting to ten while praying my body calms down and saves me from my own weakness. Colton halts, sensing my change, and has the decency to sit still and not push me. I swear, if he did, I would lose and probably traumatize the doc with a vulgar display of porn in the infirmary. I honestly, for a second, thank the stars Colton doesn't force my hand, even though his own need is almost overpowering me. We clearly have the attraction, and every day the haze gets closer my own body will start to betray me, just like this. I turned this year, so this will be my first heat, and god, it's going to kill me if this is anything to go by. Maybe this is that, creeping in, or maybe it's just the downside to imprinting, so that when we get too intimate the need to screw gets right in there, but whatever it is, it's a reminder to stay away from him like this from now on. Close contact is a no. We can't fight it. “Don't. Some things I can't forgive. You're just making this messy.” I shove him back forcefully, my voice shaking, not able to breathe properly, a whispering tone as I slide off his lap, getting on my own two feet on Jell-O legs and a lot of lightheadedness. I avoid his eyes, but Colton isn't about to give up. He catches me by the waist and pulls me to him bodily, so I collide into his now standing frame, and almost crumble. Maybe it's a last-ditch attempt to play on what's already ignited between us and throwing caution to the wind, but I'm getting stronger by the second now I haven't got him all around me, hemming me in. "Are you really going to stay mad at me for an eternity and deny this between us? Come on, baby. I get that you're angry, but really? Never? When it feels like this? When we both want it this much.” He leans in, aiming to carry on his smooth seduction, nuzzling into me as though this is merely my being a stubborn girl, and this is all a game. Pulling me up against him and wrapping me in tight as he tries for a second go at aiming a kiss, but it riles my temper, and I snap. From lust crazed to pissed in zero point five seconds. "Colton, stop it, let me go.” I start fighting him, but he has octopus arms and manages to get me tangled up with him no matter which way I tray and escape. “No can do. It's not in me to let you go again. You've got me crazy right now.” He makes a joke of it, pinning my arms around me and swiftly leans in to peck me on the lips and gets himself a knee to the groin. I'm not playing, and I know I started this, but I'm stopping it now, and he needs to accept it and fuck off. Colton is faster than me though, blocks my assault and just gives me that cheeky boy, dimpled grin that infuriates me. Making light of the heaviness that's between us and pushing my mood off like water on a duck’s back. “Nice try. Good to see your time without me brought out the fierce. I like a bit of rough in a girl.” He slowly unwinds me, chuckling at my furious glare, and then leans in, cups my face, steals a quick lip to lip kiss before I slap him hard in the abdomen for doing it against my will. Crossing the line even if a second ago I was begging for it. He makes an “oof noise, clutches it, then throws up defensive palms and laughs at me. He's not deterred, or mad, he’s seeing that little thing between us as a ray of hope that he might get his way if he plays his cards right and might even take advantage of getting up close again. My hackles rise, and I go into defensive mode, eyes glowing with warning that he needs to back off. Insides calming from what that was and instead igniting in fury, ready to claw him half to death. "Okay, I surrender, red eyes. I get it. You need more time and I need to up my apology game. Maybe calm my testosterone while I'm at it.” That smug, cute boy face, and the bro mannerisms, as he adjusts his own black sweats and rolls his shoulder to relieve some of his own sexual tension. "You need to go choke.” I snap at him sulkily, pushing past him in barging for the direction of the door, irritated by him, at him, at me. So annoyed that he took liberties when I was showing weakness and pissed me off all the more. “It's not a preference, but if it gets you hot, I'm into trying it.” He adds with a raised brow, that complete inappropriate sexual innuendo getting another slap in response as I spin on him, instinct making me lash out to maim the asshole and he cowers away playfully, laughing harder at me and clutching his side as though hilarity is painful. Utterly entertained at my amusing him. Not fazed by my anger one bit. Not taking this seriously at all, and not injured by my feeble aims ... this guy who was literally seconds away from betraying his new mate bond and cheating on his Luna. JERK! He backs away with a raised set of hands, that goofy smile of adoration, looking at me in that wicked devilish way that makes my blood boil. All happy, teenage asshat, who doesn't see anything wrong in what just went down. "Honestly, you just ... arghhh” I half growl at him, self-combusting with sheer frustration, and pent up rage. No longer willing to play this weird whatever it is, losing my cool, and being as immature as him. I turn again, go to storm out of the infirmary, fueled with hot anger and returned hatred. Seeing the doc and medic glancing my way as I stomp my hardest towards the door, glad they didn't actually see us getting hot and heavy back there and throw daggers back at the room I'm leaving. I walk smack bang into an incoming figure in the doorway, and almost trip over them in the process, muffling a shocked yelp as they right me to my feet with a mumbled apology, and then look past me directly. “Alpha ... we have incoming.” It's a low tense sentence and my heart stops beating. It shuts me up, my blood runs cold and I mentally try and calculate if it's been long enough for Deacon and his pack to get here. It's only been a couple of hours, surely it can't be. My blood runs cold, cooling my jets, and dispersing my tantrum as seriousness makes me turn to look back at Colton standing in the room by the bed. Colton mentioned attacks.... maybe it's Juan and his men, or maybe it's vampires. I feel instantly sick, my insides turning to dust, but Colton springs into action, the ever-ready warrior, the smile fading and the carefree dropping around his feet. He seems to grow taller, look stronger, his eyes turning to a low glowing amber as his expression calms completely. A born leader pushing everything else aside when faced with an actual threat. “It's showtime!” He sounds out confidently, those eyes burning brighter as he bristles up and gets ready to go out there and take down whatever threat is coming for his people.

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