I stayed at the hospital until Giuliana got out of school the next day.

Annie picked her up and we’re meeting at the house so we can tell her about her father together. He hasn’t woken up yet, and we don’t want to keep lying to her about where he is.

But as I sit in the driveway, staring up at the house, I can’t get out of the car.

I spent the majority of the night Googling what to say to children in situations like this, trying to figure out what I’m going to say to Giuliana. The mommy blogs say it’s best to tell the truth, in the simplest form. To leave out your own emotions, so you don’t impart them on the child.

Eddie glances at me in the rear-view mirror. “You okay, Mrs. Krum?”

“That kid is going to be devastated.” I pause. “She’s going to have so many questions, and I don’t have answers for her.”

He heaves a sigh. “Maybe it’s not about having the answers. Maybe she just needs you to be there for her.”

“Thanks, Eddie.”

I suck in a long, deep breath, and blow it out through my lips, digging deep for any courage I might have stored inside me somewhere that I’m unaware of.

Then I get out of the car and head inside.

“Aarya!” Giuliana comes running for me before I can shake off my jacket, jumping into my arms. “You’re home early. How’s the gallery?”

I force a smile. “It’s good. I came home early because I wanted to see you.”

“You did?”

“I did.”

Ellie bumps me with her nose, so I reach down and pat her head. She takes her time sniffing me, no doubt trying to figure out the scent of the hospital on me.

“Listen kid, Annie and I need to have a talk with you about something.”

“Something important?”

I nod. “Let’s go sit down on the couch.”

I set her on the floor and she scampers into the living room to wait for me with Annie. I hang up my coat and toe-off my shoes, taking my time to prolong the inevitable a little longer.

Giuliana sits between me and Annie on the couch, her wide eyes bouncing between us.

I clear my throat and clasp my hands together, one squeezing the other. “Last night, your dad got hurt at his hockey game. He…fell down on the ice and hit his head.”

“He had-ed his helmet on, right?”

“He did, but it got knocked off.” Acid climbs up into my throat, and I attempt to swallow it down. “He went to the hospital so they could help him, and that’s where he is right now.”

“Can we go see him?”

I glance at Annie before returning my gaze to Giuliana. “We can. But there’s something you need to know. Your dad…” I pause, clearing my throat again. “He’s asleep. And the doctors don’t know when he’s going to wake up.”

“Is he really tired?” she asks.

Tears burn my eyes. “Yes, he’s resting because his brain needs to heal.”

Annie clasps her tiny hand. “He has a big booboo on his head.”

Giuliana stares at us with those big round eyes like she’s processing. “We should bring the Elsa band aids to the hos-bit-al. He always puts them on me when I have a booboo.”

Annie sniffles and turns her head away to conceal it with a cough.

“That’s a great idea.” Another fake smile strains my face. “I went to visit him last night, and he looks a little different right now. He has a bandage wrapped around his head, and a tube in his mouth so they can feed him while he’s sleeping.”

“They feed him while he’s sleeping?” Her nose scrunches. “That’s weird.”

I can’t help but chuckle. “It is, right?”

She hops off the couch with Ellie right behind her. “I’ll go pack the band aids.”

Then she runs into the hallway, and disappears.

I let go of the breath I’ve been holding. “Well, that was easier than I thought it would be.”

“She doesn’t understand the magnitude of the situation just yet.” Annie reaches over and pats my knee. “You did good.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing. This is…”

This is too much. I’m out of my depth. Alexander should be here. He’d know what to do.

“We have to stay strong for her. She needs us to stay hopeful,” Annie says.

Hopeful? I’m no good at that. Alexander himself told me I was a jaded pessimist when we first met. How am I supposed to stay positive when I saw him hooked up to all those machines with a tube stuffed down his throat?

“What if he doesn’t wake up, Annie?” I whisper, my voice shaking. “What are we going to do?”

I need answers. I can’t live in this limbo of not knowing what’s going to happen. It feels like my heart is being ripped apart from the inside.

Annie shakes her head. “We can’t think like that. He’s going to wake up, and everything is going to be fine. That boy is a fighter.”

My lips tremble. “I kept putting off telling him I love him. I kept telling myself, another time, another day. But now that day might never come.”

“He knows, Aarya. He knows. You didn’t have to say the words because he felt it.” Annie scoots across the couch cushion and wraps me in her arms. “But you have to stay strong. You have to believe that he will be okay. He needs your strength right now. You can’t give up on him.”

I could never willingly give up on that man.

I only hope life doesn’t force me to.

When we get to the hospital, my brave little curly-haired girl looks up at me and asks, “Can you pick me up like Daddy does?”

“Of course.” I bend down and scoop her into my arms, just as happy as she is to have someone to hold in this moment.

She scrunches her nose. “It smells weird in here.”

“I know. But that just means it’s clean.”

We stop in front of room 504 and I glance over at Annie. “You ready?”

Annie nods. “You ready, Giuls?”

“Yes.” Her voice sounds curious yet wary.

We step inside the room, and I watch Giuliana’s face to gauge her reaction. Her eyes flick from the machines to the wires, to the tubes where everything is hooked up to her father.

She squirms to get out of my arms, and I set her onto the floor. She doesn’t run like she normally does, taking tentative steps toward his bed.

“Hi, Daddy,” she calls.

He doesn’t answer.

She glances back at me. “Can I climb onto the bed?”

“Just be careful with those tubes coming out of his arm.” I walk up behind her and lift her onto the bed, patting the space beside him. “Here looks like a good spot.”

She places her tiny hands on either side of his face and leans in, inspecting the tube coming out of his mouth. “Does this hurt his throat?”

I shake my head. “No.”

“Hi, Daddy,” she says again, only this time she whispers it. “I have your favorite Elsa band aids for your booboo.”

Annie clutches my hand while we watch Giuliana dig into the tote bag she brought, and pull out the box of band aids, selecting one with Olaf on it.

“I’m giving you an Olaf one because you love him so much, and you like warm hugs just like him.”

Alexander does love his hugs.

I miss his hugs.

After she places a band aid over the bandage wrapped around his head, she begins pulling out everything else from inside the bag.

“Animals aren’t allowed in the hos-bit-al, so I brought you little Ellie instead. She can keep you company in case you get scared at night.” She sets the stuffed animal by his hip before pulling out white paper along with a box of crayons. “I’m going to draw you a picture so when you wake up, you can see it.”

On the ride over, Annie and I explained to Giuliana that even though her father is asleep, he can still hear her. We encouraged her to talk to him, despite the fact that he won’t respond, and now she’s doing exactly that.

I expected her to cry. To be upset about the fact that her father is hurt. But I don’t think the magnitude of the situation has set in yet. And how could it? She’s only four.

She’s only four.

Too young to lose her father. Too young for any of this.

Giuliana begins working on a picture as she tells her father about her day, like she would if we were home. Annie and I drop into the chairs beside the bed, and force smiles on our faces to keep the mood light.

After an hour, Giuliana looks up at us. “Why isn’t he waking up yet?”

I chew my bottom lip. “I think when your body is healing, it puts you to sleep until it’s finished.”

“So, when he’s finished healing, he’ll wake up?”

The harsh truth gets stuck in my throat, but luckily Annie takes one for the team and lies for me. “Yes.”

“This is a really long nap, Daddy.” Giuliana shakes her head, looking exactly like her father when he gives her one of his disapproving head shakes. “You’re going to have so much energy when you wake up.”

When he wakes up.

If he wakes up.

No matter how hard I try to keep my mind on the positive track, it keeps yanking me back to the negative thoughts.

I can’t live in a fantasy land. I never have, at least not until I met Alexander. He convinced me that love and romance and good men do exist. He even convinced me that I could have those things, that I could be loved by a man like him.

Is this my punishment for believing it? Is this what I get for playing house in this fake life that I don’t belong in?

Maybe I never should’ve agreed to this arrangement in the first place.

But when I glance over at that little girl sitting on Alexander’s bed, I erase that thought from my mind.

Maybe that’s the real reason I’m here. To help Giuliana through this.

Maybe I’m not destined for an epic love story after all.

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