Onyx Blood [True North series book 2/3]
Chapter 22 - the Fantasy

We halted in front of my door, and turned to face each other. I looked at Thoridor. His face had started to feel so familiar to me. His piercing eyes, his dark eyebrows, his high cheekbones, and his angular jaw beneath his black beard — they were somehow comforting now. I inched closer to him instinctively, and tightened my grip on his hand.

“I need you to understand how much it meant, what you said to me earlier,” I began, “about my accidental wielding. Both Aricor and Warrian told me it was still my doing, that it didn’t matter wether I wielded or not — but it does matter. Thank you for acknowledging how much that impacts my past, I really needed that.”

Thoridor smiled, and pulled me into him. We stood there for a moment, wrapped in a tight embrace, and for as long as it lasted, everything felt right. Everything felt good.

“I know how good it feels,” Thoridor chuckled into my mind. “How about you explore that thought a little when you lay down in bed?”

Crimson spread onto my cheeks, and I unwrapped myself from Thoridor’s heavy embrace to look at his face. He was grinning cheekily at me, which in turn made the corners of my mouth curl upwards a little.

“It’s what I do,” Thoridor whispered, and released his hold on me.

He stepped backward and bowed at the waist. “Sleep well, Princess,” he said slyly, and turned around. He walked away without another word, leaving me speechless.

I went into my room, and got myself ready for bed immediately. I slid beneath the covers, and got comfortable. “It’s what I do,” he had said. What had he been picturing?! My mind slipped back to what he had said when I had asked him to kiss me. He wanted me to want him with an unclouded mind. Without his hands on me first. He wanted me to want him first.

I wondered what it would be like, kissing him. If being close to him had the effect it did on me, I could hardly even imagine what kissing him would feel like. His lips on mine. I turned to my side, caught off guard by the excitement coursing through my veins.

I tried to think about something else, but my mind kept flashing back to Thoridor. And then, in a sudden surge of misplaced bravery, I reached out to him. I didn’t say anything — just reached for him.

“Hi love,” he replied immediately, “I was hoping you’d reach out.”

I was silent for a moment, trying to calm my breathing.

“What were you thinking about?” he asked slowly, his words laced with a teasing undertone.

“Nothing,” I lied, “I just reached out to you on accident.”

“Did you now,” Thoridor taunted me, “well, how about I show you what I was thinking about?”

“Show me?” I repeated confusedly.

“Yes,” Thoridor replied, “like this,” and immediately my mind was flooded with images.

I saw myself and Thoridor, sitting on the rooftop, my head resting on Thoridor’s shoulder. He had his arm wrapped around my waist, and was talking to me, but I couldn’t understand what he was saying. I saw myself giggle though, so it must’ve been funny. I saw Thoridor chuckle, and look at my lips. I saw myself say something, and my heart sank as I read the words on my own lips. “Kiss me,” I said. Immediately, Thoridor took my face into his hands, and crashed his lips into mine.

I could see myself wrap my arms around his neck, and pull him closer. I could see him pull me on top of him, so I was straddling his lap. I saw my hands glide down the sides of his neck, and along the curve of his broad shoulders. I saw Thoridor grab my waist, and his fingers digging into the fabric of my dress. My breathing sped up as I saw Thoridor begin to undo the lace backing of my dress, and gently letting it slide down over my shoulders, so my back was exposed.

I saw his fingers draw gently circles on the smooth skin of my back, lower and lower. I could see myself arch my back below his touch, grinding my hips into his—

And just like that, the image went up in smoke. I gasped for air, and threw the blanket off my body, as a strange type of heat clawed at my lower belly.

“What was that?” I panted down the bond.

“Just some thoughts,” Thoridor chuckled, “did I go too far?”

I covered my heated cheeks with my hands, trying to calm myself down.

“No,” I stammered. He hadn’t — in all honestly, I had actually been kind of disappointed he had stopped.

“Oh believe me, I could go on and on,” Thoridor chuckled in response to my shameful thoughts, “but I’d prefer leaving some aspects to the element of surprise.”

I walked to the bathing chamber, scooped some cold water from the basin and splashed it into my face.

“Do you do this a lot?” I asked Thoridor, “picturing us… doing things like that?”

Thoridor’s chuckle echoed through my mind. “Yes, love,” he replied, “it’s all I have to keep me sane. It’s not common, you know, what we’re doing.”

“What are we doing?” I asked, immediately feeling my face flush again. Somehow, hearing him say those words, after having seen his thoughts, felt… intimate.

“Not completing the bond,” Thoridor clarified, “my body’s going crazy, being around you all the time, but not getting to… do what mates are supposed to do.”

I swallowed thickly. “Oh,” I said, “well. I’m still learning, about all this.”

“I know,” Thoridor agreed, “and there’s no rush. I’ve managed this long, I’ll manage the rest too, until you decide you want me.”

The heat from before began spreading through my body again, and settled somewhere deep within my core.

“You got something wrong though,” I said, trying to distract myself, “about me.”

“Oh yeah?” Thoridor asked, and he sounded surprised, “what did I get wrong?”

I untied the string on the neckline of my chemise and slipped it down my shoulders, so it slid down my body and pooled on the floor around my ankles. I stepped out of it and glanced over my shoulder, to my back.

“My back,” I said, “it doesn’t look the way it did in your imagination. There’s a birthmark on it — a port-wine stain. It spreads from one shoulder onto the other one, taking up almost my entire upper back.”

I nervously waited for him to reply. What if he’d be repulsed by the thought? Kids had always made fun of my back, and so I had always kept it hidden. I remembered the Queen and Morai had whispered about it too, that first day, when dressing me.

Thoridor whistled between his teeth, and his reply filled me with both relief and steamy thoughts. “I can’t wait to see it.”

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