Once My Mate, Always My Mate
How I Felt... What I Did In Return..

Sabrina’s POV

Xander hugs me from behind and I immediately feel wet from his body, using me as his towel to dry off and soaking me in the process. I try to wiggle away from him but he tightens his hold on me.

"Calm down Sabrina, it's just water.” Xander says to me. He kisses the top of my head and his wet hair slaps me sideways and drops of water fall on my face. I giggle trying to force my way out but he has me trapped

"Tell me something I wan to hear.” He says to me and the words find me before I could even think about it.

"Never let me go?" I ask as a joke but to be honest, the words cut deeper than that. Xander being here with me brought me more peace than I could ask for. I felt safe, as a girl that holds so much power and making everyone else feel safe around me, I tend to be the only one left lacking. Xander gave me a love that assured me, made me feel at ease with everything that I do and I can confidently walk around with zero fears of what is to come, because I know he will be here to stand by me.

After leaving Xander, I searched long and hard for that sense of security from the people closest to me. I looked for it in the man that happens to be my biological father but he could not give me his assurances, expecting me to find it myself. Aiden could only give me so much before completely going cold on me and for that, I partly blame myself. Everyone around me could never compare to Xander, when he is with me, I find pure pleasure in life and the walks of it.

Nobody can take me any higher or show me appreciation constantly as Xander can. To compare him is to insult him and with every pain that has fought through my defenses, gaining entry to my heart to inflict a wreckage I could never mend on my own, he has been there. I feel undeserving at times, for he is so perfect. Always ready to catch me when I fall and that is why those words, needing him to never let me go? That was not literal... I need him beside me always and I think he felt the power in my words no matter how hard I tried to downplay just how much I need him or my complete annoyance in how wet he was making me with his wet self.

"I am not going anywhere. This time, I will be the very possessive alpha wolf I should've been from the start. I will never let you go, not again and not for anyone." He says to me, his words holding so much promise and they ease my heart.

"We have both suffered enough being apart from each other, with the world so hellbent on hurting us, it only makes sense to stick together.” Xander says to me.

He pulls away from me to get dressed. He doesn't even bother to dry up as most of the water that was smoothly cascading down every muscle on his body was left on my now drenched clothes. The only wet part of his body was the head full of hair, the hair that has grown way too long and he was in need of a hair cut. His hair was starting to cover his eyes now, but I was low key starting to like this new broody lost bad boy look.

"Remember the first time we met?" Xander asks me and I nod my head yes, remembering it like it was yesterday. His beta introduced us and I was thrown by his insanely good looks. It took so much of me to act sane..

"You had my heart racing the minute we locked eyes. I needed you close to me at all times and I tried everything to keep you near and you fought me off... how frustrating that was but my fighter spirit would not give up and I am glad I didn't. You are my beginning and end, the only face I want to wake up to in the morning and see before I close my eyes to sleep. I refuse to do this life thing without you and I can't allow you to do it alone too." Xander says, walking up to me and forcing to look up at him.

"I don't think you understand my need for you. My wolf and I can never imagine a life without you and when we did, I was on my death bed but you would not let me die. That was the only way I could ever accept what was, you being with someone else and to stop fighting myself over this sacred law that has been ingrained in me from birth... now that I have you, it would be stupid of me to ever think of leaving you. Time has once again afforded us the the opportunity to be together again and why should we waste it? I know I won't. All I want to do is carry you over to that bed and keep you there. Praying nobody ever knocks on that door because we have so much time to make up for." Xander tells me, my heart bleeding with joy with every word coming out of his mouth.

"Although I think for us to be together, we need to talk about a few things. I know I mentally suffered being apart from you and I need you to know just how bad it got. The only way we can make sure it does not happen again, is to agree on certain things and promise to keep every promise.. Like when you decided to find me a new mate, forcing me to be with someone else and trying to manipulate the situation had me fuming.. you did me dirty on that end but I thought about it, trying to see things the way you did and believe me I struggled because my wolf and I could not come to terms with the fact that you would want another woman in the same bed you and I shared for some time. The same bed where we both made promises to each other, made love and thought that this was it." He says to me and I look down, trying to hide my shame.

Xander gently uses his one hand to have me look at him again.

"Don't look away from me. I am just trying to tell you how it made me feel, besides heartbreak which I believe was obvious, I was mad. I was filled with a rage that I could never ever bring myself to take out on you and unfortunately many people around me received it. My pack suffered for it, the mate you chose for me suffered because of the choice you made for me and I failed to obey as you are my moon goddess... and even if you made it to keep me alive and force me to get over you, I could never get over how it looked too easy for you to throw me off with someone else when all I felt was complete repulsion to the poor girl. I could sense her insecurities growing, an alphas daughter, someone so beautiful feeling completely rejected by the man she was fated to be with and I was her first mate... that is a scar that will stay on her forever. No time can ever ease her pain, her first heartbreak and every time she feels pain, it will be compared to the one I gave her. In no way am I saying this is your fault, I broke her and I will do my best to help her heal from such sorrow. I just thought you should know how bad it was on my end, I was a horrible person and as if you had died and forced me to marry someone else so I am not alone but I was alone.” Xander says and the shame doubles, guilt starting to eat at me when he mentions Jade and all that she has been through.

My childish antics, thinking love will cure everything. I mean how can I throw two people searching for different things together? Xander was dealing with a broken heart and I used glue to put his heart back together but who was I kidding? He was not fit enough to take on a new relationship. I screwed with two people even if my heart was in the right place...

"Look, I messed up and I messed because I failed to say no. I could have said no to you leaving me and just seen to my fate. My heart will always choose you and that is something we both need to accept from here on out and that there will never be another to replace you. I love you Sabrina.” X says to me and I finally look up, in to his eyes.

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