Nevermore (Crossbreed Series Book 6)
: Chapter 19

It must have been three in the morning. Ren had left a while ago, but neither Crush nor I could sleep with all the barking. When the noise quieted, I poked my head into the bedroom to see if he had shifted back. A small slice of light from the hall revealed a sleeping wolf curled up on the bed.

After closing the door, I tiptoed back into the living room and sat down on the sofa.

“He better not shit in my bed,” Crush grumbled from his recliner, the footrest kicked up and a blanket over his lap.

Not all wolves are housetrained. We’d found that out the hard way at Keystone when Viktor sometimes shifted in the house and no one let him out.

I reached for the tequila bottle on the corner table and pulled a blanket over my legs. “Ren said he’d probably stay in wolf form. Something about their animal going into protective mode. Thanks for calling him.”

Crush glared at the bottle in my hand. “Haven’t you had enough?”

“Not nearly.”

“Mind explaining what happened tonight? Something tells me Switch isn’t the one that put you in that black mood.”

I took one more swig from my tequila and screwed the cap back on. I doubted Crush wanted to hear my relationship problems, but the alcohol had lubricated my mouth and emotions. “When I left Keystone to stay here, I left things unfinished with Christian. We had a fight about him keeping secrets, and we haven’t had a chance to resolve it. When I went back there tonight to pick up the money, I walked in on him and Lenore.”

“Who the hell’s Lenore?”

“The whore who gave me the loan,” I said, nodding at the money on the kitchen table. “Lenore the whore.”

“Why does it matter who it was with?”

I flung the blanket off my lap. “Because she knew Christian and I had something going on.”

“I thought you had a falling out?”

“We did, but she didn’t know that. Well, she kind of knew, but I didn’t give her any details. She knows we’re partners, and she knows there was something between us. You just don’t do that to people unless you’re trying to stick it to them. She intentionally went out of her way to seduce him.”

“What if Christian seduced her?”

I straightened my legs in a fluster and put my feet on the shag rug. “Whose side are you on anyway?”

“The side of common sense.”

“Common sense doesn’t live here anymore.”

“Maybe you’re better off alone.”

“It’s not even about that.” I scowled. “This is what I get for trusting someone. And I’m not just talking about Christian, but I trusted Lenore. She was going out of her way to help me with a loan and doing it with a smile. She invited me over for tea and gave me the impression she wanted to be friends. You should have seen the smile on her face when she handed me the money in nothing but a thong and high heels. She knew I was on my way over. That bitch enjoyed every second of my stunned reaction.”

“Let it go.”

“I can’t. I’d love to just walk away and never see her again, but I still owe her a favor for that money. One she can call on anytime. And besides that, she’s helping me with the rest of the money. I don’t have any time left to look for alternative solutions. She’s going to call with information, and I’m afraid to talk to her.”

“When has Raven Graves ever had trouble speaking her mind?”

“If I lose my temper, she has the power to rescind her offer. This is our lives we’re talking about—mine and yours. Not to mention the wolf locked up in your bedroom. It’s gonna take a huge spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down. I don’t ever want to see her again after our deal is complete, but that’s impossible as long as she still holds that favor in her pocket. And now that she’s working for the higher authority, I’ll see her at parties. Viktor likes her so much he’ll probably invite her over. This is a nightmare.”

“You didn’t have to take on my problems.”

“And you didn’t have to take on mine.” I set the bottle on the floor, my eyes downcast. “Why am I not enough?”

Crush grabbed his nail clippers from the end table. “I don’t recognize you anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

He clipped his thumbnail. “I don’t understand what you see in that Vampire, but seeing as you’re half, maybe I get why you’re drawn to him. They say opposites attract, but sometimes the differences are what tear people apart in the end.”

Crestfallen, I let go of the bottle. “Christian isn’t like anyone I’ve ever known. One minute he’s an arrogant bastard, and the next he’s doing something unexpectedly romantic and thoughtful. How can I love both halves if one of those halves is always hurting me? We made promises to each other—promises he didn’t keep. What if we’re both just too damaged to make a relationship work? I don’t even know where to start.”

“Nobody gives you a manual on love. The rules are different for everyone.”

“I give up.”

He clipped another nail. “How long is this going to go on?”

“What do you mean?”

He set the clippers back on the table. “Even though I think the man you love is a peckerhead, giving up isn’t the Raven I know. When did you become a quitter? If he wants to give his heart to a cold bitch, then he gets what he deserves. But show that bastard what he’s giving up.” Crush leveled me with his eyes. “If another woman is staking her claim on your man, then you gotta fight. Fighting isn’t just for the men. You’re not a damsel. If that bitch is standing in the way of something you think might be worth holding on to, then you need to tell her how it is.”

“And risk the only chance I have at getting the rest of the money?”

“People like that will walk all over you because they pin you in a spot where you can’t move. That’s why she went after your man. She’s testing how much control she has over your loyalty. What they did or didn’t do isn’t your fault. Everyone has control of their own actions, and if you don’t want to give him a second chance, that’s all right by me.”

Crush was right. I’d been waiting for Christian to come around and apologize for hiding my father’s secrets, but that gave him all the power. There was too much ambiguity surrounding our relationship, and I needed to make my feelings crystal clear. Had we not had the argument, would Christian have gone public with his feelings? I’d never know unless I laid my cards on the table. Maybe then we could move on with our lives, no matter which direction it took us. As lovers or just as partners. How could I expect him to meet me halfway if I wasn’t willing to do the same?

I turned the bottle in a circle. Something had been weighing on my mind, and I wanted my father’s take on it. “Christian saved me from the fire.”

“That’s what partners do, isn’t it?”

I slowly looked up. “No. He saved me from the fire that killed my mother.”

A thunderstruck silence followed. His eyes were wide and unblinking. “What the hell was he doing there?” Crush growled.

“It’s not like that. Christian had nothing to do with the fire. He was outside and had intended to keep walking until he heard me crying for help. I was standing in the window, and I remember a crowd of people watching from below. He ran through fire to get to me. The floor was ready to collapse, and if I’d stayed in there any longer, I’d be dead.”

Crush closed his eyes for a long time. I couldn’t read the emotions playing on his face. Neither of us liked talking about that night. My memories were too vivid, and he’d never wanted the full picture painted of what I’d survived and what my mother had not. Crush leaned to the left and stroked his goatee several times.

I took a deep breath. “Finding that out changed everything. He’s an immortal who’s seen his fair share of death, and you know how most of them feel about humans. He could have kept walking that night, but he didn’t. When my maker erased those memories, Christian and I had to start over with our relationship.”

“Your maker did what?”

“That’s a long story, and I don’t want to get sidetracked. When I lost that memory of Christian telling me about our connection, something always felt like it was missing. Learning about the fire really changed the way I saw him. Not just because of the selfless act, but there’s this debt of gratitude every survivor carries when someone saves their life. It never goes away. And what makes it worse is I don’t know if that’s the reason I love him.”

“Maybe it just made it easier.” Crush sighed. “I can’t tell you how to feel. I can’t even explain how love works. And I sure as hell can’t tell you what the right thing to do is. It’s your life, Raven. You gotta follow your own heart and do whatever makes sense.”

“Nothing makes sense.”

“If what you say is true, then I owe him. It doesn’t mean I’ll freely give him my approval if he ever grows the balls to ask, but maybe I owe him the benefit of the doubt. The only thing I don’t want to see is you giving up on yourself. I love you, Cookie, but you don’t belong here anymore. You need to be out there doing superhero shit and saving the world.”

I climbed to my feet and gave him a heartfelt hug. Crush tightened his arms the way he always did when he meant it.

“Can I borrow your gun?” I asked.

He chuckled and let go. “What Breed is she?”

I straightened up. “It’s not for Lenore. I’ll deal with her later.”

“So why do you want a pistol?”

“I need to get General his money to keep him out of our hair until I get the rest. I don’t trust meeting him unarmed, not after the stunts he pulled on you and Switch.”

“Bedroom closet.”

I snorted and collapsed on the sofa. “Well, I’m not about to get mauled by Switch’s wolf, so it’ll have to wait until morning.”

Crush lifted the remote and switched on the television. “What’s a few hours? Gunsmoke is running a marathon. When the sun comes up, I’ll make Pop-Tarts and juice, just like old times. Then I’ll give you a box of bullets so you can blast a few holes in those sons of bitches.”

“I love you, Daddy.”

He winked. “What’s not to love?”

I tossed a pillow at him and laughed as we settled in to watch old Westerns for the next two hours.

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