Mated in the shadow of my sister by lady gwen
Chapter 145

Chapter 0145 (Lily POV) I had just fallen asleep when I heard my phone buzz a couple of times. There were very few people who had my phone number -basically, my bosses, my new co-workers, a couple of new friends, and James- so I knew I should probably get up and check the messages, just in case they were important. Groaning, I got out of bed and walked over to the desk where my phone was plugged in. (I was not used to having a phone, so I had not yet realized how useful it could be to plug the phone into an outlet near my nightstand.) The incoming messages were from James. I smiled to myself as I opened the messages and quickly read them. Unfortunately, my smile soon faded. Two things immediately stood out to me. First, it was clear to me that James was in pain. That worried I felt myself begin to panic as I read and re-read the messages. “I love you, Lily Brogan.” Despite everything else that James said, those were the words that stood out to me the most, and I could not help but read the words over and over and over again. “I love you, Lily Brogan.” Wow. I had not expected that to be what James texted me. “Why do you seem like you are panicking, Lily?” Rose asked me in our link. “Because I am panicking, Rose.” “But James is our mate. He is supposed to love us.” “It is too fast.” “Not for werewolves,” Rose protested. “It is too fast for me.” Rose did not say anything in response to that. She knew that the James/ Luke issue was one that we continued to have slightly different perspectives about. Rose already loved Luke. She liked Kalen a lot too, but for her Luke would always be her mate. If it were up to her, we would not be moving back to West Mountain-she agrees it is not safe for us yet- but we would be s staying close enough to the pack to see James and Luke as often as possible. My perspective was a little bit different. I admit that I feel drawn to James. I also admit that I really liked the side of him that I saw in Hawail, and the side of him he reminded me he was when we were kids. I have missed James since we left Hawail, and a huge part of me wants to blow caution to the wind and jump into his arms. Heck, I picked Ravenswood because it made me feel closer to James. But even so, a bigger part of me knows that I need more time. James hurt me a lot, over a long period of time. James has changed, and I have forgiven him, and it hurts me that he is clearly upset and in pain tonight…. but I still need time to heal. More than that, I need time to grow up and discover who I am and what I want. Does that make me selfish? Maybe. But if I cannot be selfish at 20 years old, when will I be able to be? Shouldn’t James need some time too? Surely he cannot go 26 years of his life thinking and feeling one way and be ready to jump in with both feet after just a couple of months? Or can he? Taking a deep breath, I tried to think through things logically and calmly. The past several years forced me to grow up really quickly. As a result, I have grown more mature than a lot of other 20-year-old she-wolves. At the same time, I am also a lot more immature. I know that those two sentiments seem to contradict each other, but it makes sense if you think about it. Instead of using my teenage years to learn how to deal with hormones, friendships, emotions, and relationships, I spent my pre-teen and teenage years largely in survival mode. I was more focused on figuring out where my next meal was going to come from and how to avoid abuse and bullying than I was anything else. At the end, I walked away from West Mountain with a ton of life skills, but also a lack of knowledge on how to be in a relationship and how to manage my hormone and emotions. Before I commit myself to my mate or anyone else, I want to figure some of those things out.

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