Loving the leech (Guardians of Red Moon city #4)
40. You're mistaken

Kaylin’s POV

No. There must be some mistake. I can’t be. No. But given how serious Salazar looks, I realize pretty quickly that he’s serious. Everyone knows Alaric Gotfire, even the humans. What I didn’t realize before my studies with Salazar was that he’s a dragon. Alaric is one of the most famous business moguls in America, and apparently my dad. How is that possible? Did he and my mom have a one-night stand, or what the hell is going on? Did he force her into something she didn’t want to do, and I came to be that way? Salazar must notice where my thoughts are going when he starts talking.

“It’s okay, Kaylin. He didn’t force your mother into anything she didn’t want. In fact, she loved your father very much, and he loved her. You can take it easy,” Salazar replies with a big smile, which falls fast when I look confusedly at him. “Your eyes have changed, and you’re about to lose control. It’s okay; you need to breathe. Where was I? That’s right! Unfortunately, Alaric’s dad wasn’t as calm about the mix as I was. Bamrit Gotfire was an evil man, which also his name means. “The dark one.” He didn’t want any mixed blood in the family and was an elitist when he was alive. All he cared about was keeping their bloodline pure. Alaric was a good boy, at least then. How he is today, I don’t know, but it’s possible that Bamrit punched that kindness out of his body. He became violent when his only child, who would also take over his business empire, came home and told him that he made a vampire pregnant, the vampire princess, no less. I tried to protect him the best I could, but even I can’t beat a whole dragon clan alone.”

“That doesn’t explain how da-, I mean Carl comes into the picture,” I say and flinch when I think of the man who’s been my dad for all these years, turns out to have never been.

“We had to find someone who could take care of you and ensure you were allowed to grow up in a safe environment,” Salazar begins. “Miranda died not at your birth as you were told, but a few weeks later. Alaric was locked in a cell and couldn’t do anything to stop it. Bamrit was pissed when he found out that your mother didn’t have an abortion and chose to assassinate her.”

“Why did he kill her?” I ask quietly and feel the tears burning in my eyes.

“Because she was a threat, you were a threat. Yes, Bamrit considered you were a direct threat to him and his race. The firstborn natural hybrid from complete darkness. Both vampires and shade dragons come from the goddess of darkness. You have mixed blood that’s impossible to recognize unless you’ve shifted, and since dragons don’t shift for the first time as werewolves do, just a dragon can guide you through the change.”

“But why do I become-.”

“Angry for nothing and can’t cope with your mood swings?” Salazar asks with a smile, and I nod. “Because dragons are short-tempered and most vampires are alike, above all high-ranking. You who are also royalty have an even hotter temperament, and if you mix it with dragon blood, you get a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode. I’m surprised you haven’t already, but unfortunately, it’s a matter of time until it happens.”

The others in the room are looking at me, and I feel fear in my chest. What do I do if I accidentally hurt someone who doesn’t deserve it? My gaze lands on my daughter in my arms, and her sleeping face immediately makes me calm.

“We used a witch to give Carl the illusion that you were his daughter. Since he barely had any family and was a close friend of Miranda when they grew up, they both thought it was the best choice. He knew what he signed up for, and we knew that even though Carl was only human, he would protect you no matter what happened. The only problem was that the witch didn’t check his mental strength before, and the illusion became his reality; that was never the end-game. The idea was that you’d become an adult, and when you reached a certain age, the illusion would disappear. His memories would come back, and you would find out the truth. It became too much and real for him, hence impossible to return on his own. That’s why you felt his guilt about Miranda dying because, in his world, it was your birth that killed her and not Bamrit.”

The thoughts are spinning in my head, and I don’t know where to start. How am I supposed to process this without losing my mind at the same time? My grandfather is responsible for my mother’s death. Do the vampires expect me to take revenge on my dad for that or what? This means my daughter is three parts vampire and one part dragon. How will William react when he finds out? It’s no secret that he’s loyal only to vampires, and that’s barely. I have only perceived him as dedicated to his clan and no one else. Just look how he reacted when the council showed up; on the other hand, it may have been because the risk was that it meant terrible things for me.

Who knows? What I’ve managed to discern from others is that William doesn’t trust anyone in principle, and above all, not other beings. Then the question remains whether he can accept both mine, but above all Aurora’s genes? That’s what scares me, the thought that William might not want anything to do with her. Should he choose not to want to have contact with me and reject me correctly, then it’s okay. I can survive that. But Aurora is a baby, and she needs her father in her life. My fangs push themselves out of my gums, and I get reminded of how hungry I was before.

I must have blood; ordinary food won’t calm me down now. Salazar gently lifts Aurora in his arms and smiles sadly at me.

“Go, I’ll guard her. You’re about to lose control,” Salazar says, and I nod before flying out the door.

In just a few seconds, I’m in the forest, ready to catch my prey, regardless of obstacles. Someone comes up behind me, and I react lightning fast by pushing the person up against a tree. I calm down when I see that it’s the Everton family, and Benjamin is the one that dangles above the ground.

“Forgive me, Benny,” I whisper and put him down on the ground. “I don’t know what’s going on with me.”

Ozzandra hugs me hard and caresses my hair as only a mother can. My body is shaking, and I don’t know why.

“You have to eat, Kaylin. The mixture with your blood and all new information affects your body. Go, but take the boys with you,” she says, and I nod before we head further into the woods.

I attack a deer and drink every drop in the body. The others look at me anxiously, and I sit down on the ground with my knees pulled up. My arms hold my legs, and I stare up at the dark sky. How did this happen? Does Alaric know I exist at all? What will he say when he finds out the truth? Ugh, just a few months ago, I was a small gray parenthesis in history and now, something unique that no one can fully understand. Despite all my new friends and daughter, I still sometimes wish I could go back in time. To be the invisible Kaylin Clarkson, who everyone thought was human, if only for a day.

She who dedicated her time to helping other addicts and was good at mixing drinks. Instead, I’ve become a royalty, whom others expect to rule an entire race, while apparently have dragon blood in my body and the mixture makes me a time bomb that can explode at any time. As if that weren’t enough, I also have a beloved to whom I have a complicated relationship and a mate who does everything to make me happy. The memories of the arena and all the ones I’ve lost don’t hurt as much anymore, but they’re still there like a weight in my chest every day.

Elijah sits down next to me, and I lean my head against his shoulder. Benjamin and Oliver do the same, but with a little more space. He says nothing, and that’s one of those things I always appreciated with him. Not nagging about someone else talking before they’re ready is something more people should remember to do. It’s rarely a good idea to pressure someone before they’re prepared to take that step. Elijah is a good friend, and I can treasure myself lucky to have him in my life.

“It’s too much,” I say after a little while, breaking the silence. “I don’t know how to handle all this, Eli. Aurora needs me more than ever if things with William don’t work out. How am I supposed to be a good mother while leading a whole race and also solve everything with my possible dragon blood? A few months ago, I thought I was human and lived a seemingly boring life. But it was my life! It might not be very exciting or fast-paced for others, but for me, it was perfect. I could slowly but surely work my way towards my goal and dreams without anyone interfering. Now I have all these expectations on me, and I can do nothing but worry that I’ll fail again.”

It’s just as good, to be honest. You come a lot further with honesty than lies, and given how well we all know each other by now, they can notice that something is wrong regardless of whether or not I chose to lie. My reaction to events may be regarded as childish or over-the-top for those of you who are human. But if you had been in my shoes and gone up the steep hill with shoes made of lead as I do right now, you probably would’ve felt the same anxiety. All I ever wanted was to make my parents proud to call me their child.

Now it turns out that the man who tucked me in when I was little and read fairy tales to me was never my parent but an illusion of truth. Theoretically, does it count as a lie, or is it instead to withhold information? I don’t even know myself anymore. What I do know, however, is that my mother wasn’t honest when she asked me to send my father home to her because Carl was never my father. According to Salazar, Carl and mom were good friends, but nothing more than that. If mom loved Alaric so much, why did she say that about Carl?

Was it to withhold the truth until I was ready, or does it belong more to the story I missed? I guess it was to keep up the facade and wait until I was mature enough to understand. The problem is that I don’t understand at all right now. On the other hand, if mom had told me all this that Salazar shared when I fought Carl, then I would probably have lost focus and died instead. I don’t hold any anger or the like against any of the people involved because I understand that they did what they thought was best to protect me until I was strong enough to defend myself.

At the same time, it hurts to know that others knew things about me that I myself wasn’t aware of.

“It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, it’s natural, and I would’ve thought it was weird if you didn’t. You’ve undergone very much since you entered our world as a naive half-vampire who didn’t understand what dangers lurks among the shadows. Feeling this way is human, and even though we’re violent beings who do anything for survival, we all also have a human side that makes us who we are. Sure, we may use more violence than necessary many times, but at the end of the day, we’re no more than people,” Elijah replies, and I listen persistently to his words. “No one, human or not, can carry and go through neverending amounts without breaking. It’s simply not possible.”

“What should I do?” I ask with a sigh.

“You should focus more on yourself and do things your way,” Benjamin replies in Elijah’s place. “All this time, you’ve focused more on what others think and want, which has made you forget about yourself along the way. It’s something admirable, absolutely, but also incredibly unhealthy. All of us get to a point in life when we’ve got to put ourselves first for survival, and once you reach that point, you’ll know what you need to do. You can’t go through life and protect everyone else to forget about yourself simultaneously. Your life holds value to others, and you owe them, but above all, yourself to feel good. You’re valuable and deserve to live your life the way you want.”

A quiet tear falls from my eye as Oliver is quick to wipe away. He smiles at me, and I smile back.

“I’ve said it before, and I’ll repeat it; William doesn’t deserve a beloved like you, Kaylin Clarkson. Hopefully, he realizes it sooner rather than later and starts to shape up,” he says, and I begin to giggle uncontrollably.

My giggles develop into a full-blown laugh that echoes between the trees. The weird thing is that I have no idea what’s funny. Maybe I finally lost my mind? The others start laughing with me, and it must be an interesting sight when all four of us lie on the lawn, rolling back and forth, laughing at nothing. Suddenly a Hickory-black wolf comes out through the shrubbery, and I bare my fangs, ready for fights if necessary. It turns out that it isn’t needed since it’s Nathan’s wolf. He lays down and tramples with his front paws like a kitten.

Slowly he crawls towards me until his big head is in my lap. I scratch him between his ears, and he purrs at the attention.

“Hey, Nate,” I say, kissing his furry forehead. “You couldn’t wait, could you?”

He whimpers in response, and I laugh at how dog-like his wolf is. I don’t know his wolf’s name; hence I can’t talk to him directly but have to use my link to Nathan. While my mate continues to enjoy the attention on my lap, I chat with my friends in peace. At least until a knife soars in the air and I catch it three inches from my face. The others react lightning fast to the threat while I laugh.

“You need to do better than that, old man,” I giggle, and Salazar smiles as he emerges from the trees with Aurora in his arms.

“The student has overtaken the teacher,” he laughs and puffs out his chest in pride. “There was a little girl who missed her mother.”

My eyes shimmer as I jump up and take her in my arms. I feel like we’ve been apart for years instead of an hour. I put my forehead against hers, and she giggles. Our eyes meet, and I caress her cheek with my index finger.

“You’re magnificent, my little Aurora,” I whisper, and Nathan licks her cheek, resulting in even more giggles.

“You okay?” Salazar asks, and I guess he refers to my meal.

“Yes, it went well,” I answer and nod.

“Is it easier to manage the mood?”

“It depends on the situation I’ve noticed. Sometimes it’s enough to use the breathing exercises that you taught me; other times, windows explode without me noticing.”

“Well, we noticed!” Oliver exclaims and laughs. “We experienced it not so long ago.”

“What triggered it?” Salazar asks anxiously.

“William’s move to the city,” I respond with a deep sigh.

“He’s thus still one of your biggest triggers,” Salazar sighs, and the others look questioningly at me.

Everyone thinks that after my letter and the reaction after the arena that everything was okay on my part. It wasn’t. I’ve only suppressed those feelings of betrayal over William’s behavior when he bit me and forced me into the situation. For you, maybe my reactions are exaggerated, and that’s perfectly okay. We can’t always agree with each other about everything without consequences. But if truth be told, it was mainly the burning feeling of betrayal in my chest that made me fight on in the arena instead of giving up. We talk to each other and have made progress in trying to solve it, yes.

However, this doesn’t mean that everything is forgotten and forgiven, not by a long shot. But before I can work on forgiving William, I must first work on it and figure out why the grief after Brandon was so great. We had barely gotten to know each other; even so, it felt like my heart exploded when he took his last breath. It’s not normal, and I’m still looking for answers to those questions about why. The question is, who can answer them? Salazar seems to be well versed in what’s happening. Can he have an answer to it?

“Grandpa?” I say and test the word, which makes Salazar smile big.

“What is it, my little Tulip?” he asks.

“Did I know, Brandon?” I ask, and his facial expression changes to hesitancy.

“Why do you wonder?”

“Because it hurt when he died,” I answer quietly. “Brandon was a great help to me in the arena, and he saved my life several times, even though he didn’t have to. Why would he do that if I wasn’t important to him?”

Salazar sadly looks at me and sighs soundly before sitting down opposite me.

“The truth is that Brandon was your warrior, Kaylin,” he says, and I frown my eyebrows in confusion.

“Warrior?”

“He wasn’t a vampire like you thought, and neither was that why he was in there. There was a challenge he had to endure to become your warrior protector truly, a guardian. Which in this case was to prove that he was prepared to die for you, which he did,” he replies.

“How can he be my protector if he died?”

“He’s not dead; he’s waiting for you to come and bring him back from the eternal darkness.”

A / N:

Hey, everybody!

It’s much information to take in at once for poor Kaylin, and now, moreover, it seems that she has a warrior guardian who didn’t die. Never a quiet moment!

❀ What does Salazar mean by the fact that she’s expected to bring Brandon back from the eternal darkness?

✿ How will William react when he hears all this? Will his bigotry become a problem?

❀ What do you think will happen?

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