Loving the leech (Guardians of Red Moon city #4)
38. Big step

Nathan’s POV

“I know, Miles. That’s something I have to discuss with Kaylin. She’ll be my luna after all,” I explain to my beta, asking me to come back because I’ve been away longer than we bargained for.

“It’s understandable, alpha. I don’t call to complain about my workload, or well that too. But the members have started to wonder if you abandoned us, and given that you haven’t allowed me to say anything about her yet, I can’t explain your absence either.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to her today and call you up at a later date. Sound good?”

“Perfect! Talk to you soon, alpha.”

I hang up and groan while rubbing my face. Kaylin has enough on her plate now and doesn’t need more. But I can’t postpone it anymore, not when my pack needs me there. I don’t put the members in front of my mate; I’d never do that. However, I have to come back sooner or later, and I don’t want to leave Kaylin behind.

“What are you thinking so hard about?” my mate asks.

I turn around and look at her. She’s wearing a black shirt and a white knee-length preppy skirt. Her hair still drips from the shower, and she works with a towel to dry it. I smile at how beautiful she is naturedly, and Zac immediately starts to purr inside my head.

Oh, what do we have here? Come here, little red riding hood, so that I can taste you. The big bad wolf is famishing.

You’re a real pervert!

I close the link between us quickly before he can answer to focus on the present and not get caught in a fantasy where Kaylin is situated naked on my bed with handcuffs. It’s a lovely fantasy, however.

“My beta called,” I reply.

“Is there something wrong?” she asks with a worried expression over her face and takes a few steps towards me.

“No, not really. My members are starting to wonder why I’m not coming back since I was supposed to be gone just one night,” I explain, and her mouth shapes into an ‘o’.

“Then what’s the problem? It would be best if you went back then,” she replies with a sad smile. “We both knew you couldn’t stay here forever.”

“Why don’t you come with me?” I ask hopefully. “I don’t think Zac nor I can manage to be without you. Besides, you’re my luna, off the record.”

She looks thoughtful and doesn’t answer me but walks up to the dresser to brush her hair. I don’t interrupt her thoughts but wait patiently for her to gather herself and say something.

“What does it mean to be ‘luna’?” she asks without turning around.

“The luna is an alpha’s mate, which you know,” I reply, and she nods. “You strengthen me by your presence and become like an extra mother to all the members. Your job will be to be the logical one when my head creates chaos and help me keep our pack safe for those who live there.”

“Like a nanny?” she asks.

“In a way, though, it’s adults too. Your opinion plays a big role for not only me but also the others. You’d have the opportunity to participate in all the problems and everything that happens in the pack. Together we work to solve problems and ensure calm.”

“How would it work in practical terms? I’m a vampire princess, and my people expect me to lead my race in the near future. And say that William and I would solve our problems-.”

“Kaylin, I know,” I interrupt and smile at her as she turns horrified to look at me. “William and I resolved our conflict when you gave us that ultimatum. He talked about wanting a second chance and asked me for advice. This is the best choice for you, and that’s what matters. I respect that, and we’re on the same page.”

“Thank you,” she replies, posing in front of me with a smile on her face. “That said, purely practical... How does it work if I’m your luna, William’s nyx, and the vampire queen? I can’t be in three places at the same time.”

“It’s something we have to discuss together. My wolves have nothing against vampires; hence there’s a possibility of a mixed pack just like this. However, it’s only an option, provided that William’s clan accepts werewolves. Somehow we’ll solve it; I don’t know how and I don’t know when. What I do know, however, is that I want to be with you,” I answer and put my forehead against hers. “Now that I’ve finally found you, I’ll never be capable of letting you or Aurora go.”

After many ifs and buts, I manage to explain to Kaylin why it’s essential that she accompany me home to meet my members. She’s worried, and I can understand that, considering everything that’s happened before. We can start by mentioning how William treated her when he bit her without consent; then we can move on to how the council hurt her mentally and finish by saying that her beloved knew it wasn’t her he was holding in his arms at night. Yeah, it’s no wonder she’s insecure. What she needs to understand, though, is that for my, excuse me, our members, it’s a blessing to meet their luna finally.

For us, werewolves are a strong pack when they have an alpha and luna, but a mated alpha pair is at their strongest. Younger alphas rarely try to attack when a pack’s alpha has a strong partner next to him who’s ready to defend her family no matter what. Kaylin is such a person, and I say that not only because she’s my mate but also because she has a protective aura. She knows how it feels when no one is in your corner and is therefore prepared to be the person who’s there and cheering you on when no one else does. That’s what makes her extraordinary.

“Are you sure you’re okay with looking after Aurora for a few hours?” Kaylin asks my sister, worried that something will happen to her daughter.

Aleida understands Kaylin’s concern, as she found herself in the same place once upon a time when the twins were born, and her mates had to take them home without her.

“It’s entirely okay. It would be best if you met Nate’s pack sooner or later, and it’s as good to do it quickly now, like a band-aid,” Aleida replies. “Moreover, I get the opportunity to cuddle with a baby again! I haven’t been able to do that for years now with the quadruplets turning six.”

Kaylin gently caresses her daughter and kisses her forehead tenderly. Aurora stares into her mother’s eyes and smiles. I stand next to my mate with an arm around her shoulders, and my stepdaughter’s eyes land on me. Her smile shines big, and I’m surprised how this little vampire can like me this much already. Kaylin moves Aurora from her arms and puts her in mine. I look down at her and smile.

“Be a good little pup now. I promise that I’ll soon come home with your mother again,” I say and find myself kiss her forehead.

Kaylin smiles at me, and I hand over Aurora to my sister’s waiting arms. She immediately starts cooing in Spanish and disappears further into the house. We look after her and giggle together before heading out to the waiting vehicle.

At first, the silence in the car is okay, but after half an hour, I also begin to feel the nervousness that my dear mate radiates from every pore she has. I look at her in my peripheral sight and see her biting her nails while muttering silently to herself. She doesn’t notice that I peek at her from time to time, and in the end, I release the steering wheel with one hand to hold her hand in mine. Kaylin looks questioningly at me, and I smile, even though I can’t let my eyes off the road in front of us.

“It’s okay, Kaylin. No one will hate or hurt you in any way. I’m with you all the time, and you’re safe,” I say calmly, and she breathes in deeply a couple of times until her heart rate calms down significantly.

“Thank you,” she replies after a while, stroking my hand with her thumb.

It’s no wonder that she feels uncomfortable, given past experiences. From the day she met William, all the new experiences subsequently have been disastrous for both body and soul. She worries about how my wolves will react, and I understand that. After all, it’s not long since she was put into a world of creatures she never thought existed for real. She’s still used to William and his clan; they work in a different way than werewolves. Werewolves are not aggressive for no reason; there’s always something underlying that makes us attack.

Take rabid rogues as an example; they attack because they lost their minds and only follow their instincts as wolves. I don’t attack anyone, assuming they don’t provoke or threaten my family; you probably understand my point. Vampires, however, can strike for no particular reason, just because they can. They’re like wasps. Many vampires, but not all, are arrogant and consider themselves higher up on the food chain than us werewolves. That isn’t true since we’re at a balanced level against each other since we have strengths in different ways.

I park the car and turn towards my mate. Kaylin’s breathing is swift, and I quickly realize she’s about to have a panic attack. I turn her head in my direction and look into her deep eyes.

“Nothing, and I really mean nothing, will happen to you in my territory. My members are loyal to me, and in time it’ll be the same with you. They’ve been waiting for years to meet their luna. You’re safe,” I say, and don’t let her go with my eyes until she slowly nods. “I’m with you all the time and won’t leave you.”

When she once again nods, I open the car door and walk around it to open her door. My members start coming out of different houses, and when Kaylin takes my hand, they cheer. She smiles uncertainly as she stands beside me, and the celebration of my wolves doesn’t calm down until I lift my hand.

“Good day, members,” I say.

“Good day, alpha,” they respond at the same time.

“It’s with much joy and pride that I have the opportunity to introduce you all to your new luna,” I say and smile lovingly at my mate. “Kaylin Clarkson.”

It’s quiet for a little while, and I don’t understand why until one of my strongest warriors looks at her with admiration.

“You fought in the arena of death and won,” he notes, and Kaylin smiles at him.

“Yes, that’s right,” she replies, and the cheers begin again.

It may sound strange that they celebrate that she survived a situation where others had to die, but you also need to understand that the pride of each pack is to have a strong alpha and luna. The stronger, the more confident the members feel. Kaylin has shown what she’s capable of, and it’s not just anyone who can survive in there. Terrible experiences influence the brain, and you change, many times for the worse. Although she obviously has been affected for the worse, some have made her stronger, according to Aleida. Our experiences shape us, after all.

My beta, Miles, comes out of the packhouse and walks up to us. He bows his head and smiles big when his eyes meet my mates.

“Luna, welcome! It’s an honor to meet you finally,” he says, and Kaylin’s cheeks turn red by the attention. “Alpha, welcome home.”

“Thank you, Miles. I’m pleased to see that you’ve taken good care of our members in my absence,” I say with a smile.

“Of course, that’s my job,” he replies.

I turn to the members again and quickly notice that despite Kaylin not running for her life yet, she’s uncomfortable with the attention. I have to do something about that.

“Dear members, I understand that you’re eager to meet your luna. You’ll all have the opportunity to get to know her, but not right now. We have work to do, and I hope you have understanding for this.”

All of them bow at the same time, leaving the place one by one. Kaylin gratefully smiles at me, and I take her hand to lead her into the packhouse.

“Welcome home, little luna,” I say, kissing her temple.

William’s POV

Even though Kaylin and I have taken a small step forward, I can’t let go of what has happened. I’m the reason my beloved had to endure pain like never before, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for it. What’s even worse is that Jennifer is in my mind still, despite all the evil acts she committed. How am I supposed to let her go while giving Kaylin a chance to be loved by me as she deserves? Jennifer is satan embodied, a mean and vengeful woman who can’t let go of things that happen. If she hadn’t been locked up, she’d probably have attacked Kaylin by now.

I predict a fight in the future between the women in my life. The one that doesn’t deserve me and the other that I don’t deserve—a battle of right and wrong, darkness and light. I wish and hope, however, that my beloved won’t have to suffer through that too; she has taken enough blows from life. While I wish I could give Kaylin what she deserves, I’m also aware that it may never be possible. My heart belonged to Jennifer, and she spit on it. Even though my beloved forced me to approve the rejection, I know it didn’t break our bond.

It got damaged, definitely. But a bond between two beloveds can’t break unless both genuinely mean it and want it. Deep down, Kaylin didn’t want it to separate, and neither did I. Hence we’re still interconnected with each other and will continue to be, at least as long as she wants to be with me and marks me. After that, it’s not possible to reject your beloved without taking extreme damage. I don’t want to cause Kaylin any more pain, but you know what the worst part is? It’s that I know that if the goddess hadn’t chosen us to be lovers, I probably wouldn’t have loved her.

At the same time, I can’t reject her without hurting my clan, and nothing can break my clan. I do everything for them, even trying to love someone that I don’t genuinely want. With Nathan, it’s so apparent that he’d love her even without the bond, and that makes it all much worse. I feel like a horrible person, and that’s because I am one too. Callous, mean, and vindictive is all I am, has always been. I don’t know how to be someone else, even though I want to. My dad was the same, and that’s where I got it from, probably, like a father-like son.

Hopefully, over time, I can start to value Kaylin as she deserves, but the worry that it won’t happen gnaws in me daily. I know I said I wanted to be with her and all that, but now that I slept on it, I’m not sure. She deserves someone better, someone, like Nathan. He can give her everything she craves and desires, while I can only offer material things, never my heart. Am I stupid for thinking like this? Is my uncertainty affecting my way of thinking, or is it a truth I most want to forget? I guess only time can give an answer to the heavy questions.

What I know anyway is that I’ll always value and owe Kaylin for giving life to my daughter. Aurora, I’ll always love, no matter what. At the same time, that isn’t particularly strange, considering that love between two lovers and a parent with their child is very different. It’s not even comparable if I’m to be honest. Ugh, I feel sick about my thoughts. I had never expected to get a second chance with a beloved. Hence I made my heart cold and hard to learn to live with that knowledge. But now I regret that I did because I have now also become incapable of daring to trust another person and romantically love someone else.

I’ll burn in hell for what I’ve done, and if not, I’ll go there voluntarily to gladly accept my punishment to get redemption. Damn, am I losing my mind? I sound like an emotionless psychopath who can’t control myself. Is this how it feels when you get your heart broken, and the uncertainty is still there, or have I created my own restrictions along the way? The questions in my head are endless, and I don’t dare to find out the answers. Because then I can get hurt again, and I know I can’t take it one more time. It also gives me great feelings of guilt since it’s my fault that Kaylin has lost so many in her life.

She has no one left in her old life except her former workmate, and as I understand it, they’ve never spent time outside of work as friends. Do you ever get the feeling of bearing guilt over another person for losing everything? Please, goddess of darkness, punish me so that I can manage to continue living...

A / N:

Hey, everybody!

Nathan makes an effort to make Kaylin as much as possible in his life while William does the exact opposite and rather seems to do it out of obligation. It’s clear that Kaylin has received more than she expected, a hidden war with both the darkness and light.

❀ Do you think William thinks rationally and logically or instead refuses to give her a chance?

✿ Is Nathan too quick to introduce his luna to his pack, or is he doing the right thing in being proud of her?

❀ How long can William keep pretending that everything is okay before the darkness within him starts boiling over?

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