Loving the leech (Guardians of Red Moon city #4)
34. Second chances

Kaylin’s POV

Talk about my feelings being all over the place! I know it’ll take time before I learn to deal with my emotions again and no longer have these mood swings that torment me at regular intervals. Aleida is a great help and always explains to me how it works when I get insecure. According to her, I’m well on my way to getting back to the happy person I was, even if that person is no longer in human form. Even though the weeks have passed since Joseph bit me and thus began my transition, I still have difficulty accepting it.

It’s an evil council member who bears the immediate responsibility for my agonizing journey, sure. But it’s ultimately, William, the blame lands on my beloved who betrayed me. If you think I’m a drama queen, you may think so. I won’t argue with you; you have the right to your opinion. But I’m so mad at him and feel betrayed in ways I didn’t even know possible. In all honesty, it’s not the disloyalty regarding me that feels the worst, but how he disappoints his daughter. William has hardly shown any interest in Aurora, and now he’s gone.

I know I haven’t given her as much time as she deserves either, but at least I’ve been within reach. Fortunately, I have friendly and helpful people in my vicinity who gladly take care of Aurora when I get overwhelmed, not to mention my little girl’s mates following whoever’s carrying her everywhere. Alexander and Elias refuse to let her go with their gaze, which warms me considerably. Even though the boys are young, I already know that they’ll grow up to be firm and fair men who can protect my daughter from harm.

It feels weird, though, that I trust two eight-year-olds more than I trust my beloved, who’s over a hundred years old. On the other hand, Aleida’s sons have repeatedly shown that they intend to take their responsibility seriously, and it hurts that the twins take more responsibility than Aurora’s dad does. I can’t do much more than hope that William will be in touch soon to at least talk about the practical things regarding our child. Do I want to talk about what happened? Definitely! Can I handle it? Doubtful. It’s never easy to turn yourself inside out to show how you truly feel, least of all when it’s someone you care about. We need to talk about it; I’m aware of that. Otherwise, none of us can move on.

It’s neither right toward William, Nathan, or myself that it’s an underlying problem that we can’t talk about without one of us losing our temper. However, the responsibility regarding the mood issue is mine since it’s me who can’t handle my sudden mood swings. Who knows, maybe there’s some time apart we need. Given that William disappeared from here three days ago, and I’m already calmer inside. But on the other hand, it might as well be a coincidence, right?

“Kaylin, can you please come into my office?” Aleida asks, and I look up from my daughter, who drinks milk.

“Of course, I’ll just finish this,” I respond, smiling, and my friend nods before walking away.

As soon as Aleida leaves me with my daughter, the smile falls from my lips, and I feel as useless as before. Because no matter how much I try to deal with my self-loathing and grief, something stops me. I hate that I’m so weak! My dream has always been to become a strong woman who makes it through life independently, but again something is kicking my feet off so that I fall. Is it wrong of me to feel this way? I don’t feel as traumatized as I thought I would, but on the other hand, I don’t know how hurt I’ve been either.

Who knows? Maybe I’ve always been hurt, beyond repair. My dad’s hidden contempt may have done more harm than I first thought. However, that’s something I can’t find out since he’s no longer around. A lonely tear falls when a picture of my dad pops into my head. Despite our fights and discussions from time to time, he was still my father. And I would do anything to be his little girl again. I wipe my tear off and pull my shirt down over my chest again. Aurora sleeps in my arms, and I put my forehead against hers before putting her back in the crib.

Slowly I walk towards Aleida’s office with an anxiety lump in my throat, afraid of what she wants to discuss. With a deep breath, I open the door and walk inside. Nathan is already sitting in the room with Aleida’s mates next to him. I look at him questioningly, but he seems as confused as I am.

“Sit down, Kaylin,” Aleida says, and I follow her wish. “I want to talk to you about your transition.”

I frown and feel the confusion getting worse. What does Aleida mean by transition? Will I be a werewolf instead of a vampire, or what the hell is this? Aleida must notice my confused state and continue her explanation.

“When and if you choose to let Nathan bite you, you’ll transform. Since you were born half-vampire and someone forcibly transformed you, the chances are that you’ll become a hybrid. That’s why I asked you to come here because I want you to have all the facts in front of you before you make a decision. For a werewolf, not to mark his mate is unheard of since we’re very territorial creatures. But I understand my brother and know that he’ll accept your choice no matter what it’ll be,” she explains, and I feel how my head spins by all thoughts. “This isn’t a problem that exists now, but sooner or later, you’ll have to meet Nathan’s pack if you decide to continue with him, and if you then want to be his mate, he’ll have to mark you. Just for that reason, I ask you to think this through carefully. We all support you no matter what you choose; I want you to be aware of that.”

My head starts to pulsate, and it hurts. I hiss at the pain and put my hands at my temples. Suddenly everything hurts, and I close my eyes tightly before leaning forward. Aleida talks to me, but I can’t focus on what she says.

“Kaylin! Look at me, stay with me!” Nathan exclaims, and I slowly lift my head.

Aleida gasp for some reason, and I don’t understand why until Nathan stuffs a big piece of paper under my nose. What’s going on? Why do I have nosebleeds out of nowhere?

“Lean back, Kaylin,” Aleida says, helping me put my head against her stomach while the pulsating pain starts in my head again, resulting in me closing my eyes with a hiss again. “Kay, relax. It’s okay; you’re safe. Listen to my voice and relax your muscles. No one can get to you here. We’ll protect you.”

The longer I listen to Aleida’s words, the sleepier I get. At first, I struggle against sleep, but in the end, I realize it’s a dead race and give in to the darkness that nicely surrounds me for the first time in several months.

Aleida’s POV

I watch as Gina examines my friend, and the turmoil within me continues to gnaw. My brother holds his mate’s hand and whispers sweet nothings, even though she can’t hear him. Despite the anxious situation going on, I’m curious what her reaction depends on. I suspect a conversation with the elders is a good idea. Somehow I have to prepare her for what’s going to happen, but I can’t do that unless I’m sure myself of what’s going on. Kian notices that my thoughts are spinning and pushes me gently.

“What are you so persistently thinking about, my beautiful mate?” he whispers in my ear, and I smile at the love he always shows me.

“Something more belongs to Kaylin, and I can’t figure out what it is,” I answer in a quiet tone so as not to disturb Nathan, who worries about his mate. “Her reaction isn’t normal. Even a person who receives too much information at once doesn’t react physically like that. There’s something we’re missing.”

Kian looks questioningly at me but asks nothing. I walk out of the room and don’t stop until I find William’s mother, Ozzandra, in the garden. She studies a flower carefully and bows quickly when she notices me.

“Queen Aleida, what can I do for you?” she asks with a light smile on her thin lips.

“Who trained Kaylin before the arena?” I ask, and a frown adorns her face.

“It was the head of the vampire council, Salazar Duran,” she replies, and I nod a thank you before walking back to my office, with Eliza in my head as a company.

Do you feel the power of Kaylin? It’s so strong that even I feel like bowing.

I laugh at her straightforwardness and shake my head. Even though Eliza is joking, I can’t help but think that something she says is true, but what? As soon as my butt touches the office chair, I press the number to the vampire council and wait for someone to answer.

“Vampire council telephone exchange, what can I do for you?” a woman’s voice on the other side of the phone responds.

“Good day, this is Queen Aleida. I’m looking for Mr. Duran if he’s available?” I ask and hear her gasp.

“O-of course, my queen. I’ll connect your call immediately.”

“Thank you.”

I hear her pressing several buttons before an annoying melody plays; you know that kind of old-fashioned elevator music from ’70s movies? Enough that the vampires at the council are old, but come on! The melody disappears gratefully enough, reasonably quickly, and a deep man’s voice responds.

“Salazar Duran.”

“Good day, Mr. Duran. This is werewolf Queen Aleida Mendez speaking,” I answer in my formal tone.

“My queen, how can I help you?” he asks in the same tone, and I’m pleased that he’s respectful even though we belong to different races.

“As you probably know by now, I brought Kaylin to my territory after the fiasco during Jennifer’s trial. Since then, much has happened, and I’m looking for information on how I can help her,” I explain, and at first, he’s completely silent.

“Tell me,” he says, and I do as he asks.

From the information I got from my informants, Kaylin means a lot to Salazar, and even though I don’t understand their relationship, I respect it. Everyone who’s on her side to protect and help her is a friend to me. However, I’m surprised when he tells the truth, and this time it’s me who becomes silent.

“It’s great secrets to carry by yourself,” I say after a minute of silence.

“Indeed. But it’s not my place to tell, at least not all of it. Part of that she has to come up with herself to reach the power she carries within herself,” he explains, and even though I disagree with him in his choice to say nothing, it’s not my place to tell my friend either, even though I think she deserves it.

“You realize that your secrecy can backfire negatively on her, right?” I ask and hear him sigh on the other side of the phone.

“I understand that, but since you now know what’s at stake and how it must play out, you probably also understand why it must have a natural course. Kaylin will have to connect the dots on her own if she’s to succeed in what’s in front of her in the end.”

“Yes, I fully understand that. I just sincerely hope that you’re right and that in the end, Kaylin can forgive you for keeping such a terrible secret from her,” I answer. “Thank you for the information, and have a great day.”

I hang up the phone in his ear, and I realize how unpleasant I seem. But honestly, if he tells a terrible secret that can either strengthen or destroy Kaylin and chooses not to tell the one it concerns, then I’m going to be rude. When I get an email from William asking for permission to move closer to the territory, it feels like I’m going to explode into pieces by my anger; hasn’t he stopped playing with her yet? I approve the move since I have no reason not to before getting up and walk to the window to stare out over the forests. Oh, my friend, I hope you’re strong enough to cope with what’s to come...

William’s POV

“Notify the others,” I say and hang up the phone.

I feel relieved that Aleida approves the clan’s move, even though she possibly feels anger towards me. She and Kaylin haven’t known each other very long, but it doesn’t take a scientist to see that they already share a strong bond. Queen Aleida will hardly be soft to me considering what I exposed one of her best friends to; no way. On the other hand, I deserve it and intend to take my punishment, no matter who’s giving it to me. I haven’t dealt with Kaylin right, and I deserve everything the others can possibly throw at me. It’s time to stop being selfish and grab the situation before it’s too late.

Despite my feelings for Jennifer, who for some reason refuses to die out, I also know that there’s no future for us. Not only because she’s doomed, but also because of all the shit, she put me through, the mental abuse. Let’s just say that Jennifer and I would get back together; I still would never be able to trust her again after everything that happened. If she can put the knife in my back once, nothing stops her from doing it again. No, she has to get out of my heart, even if I have to force her out. I’m not evil by nature; Jennifer made me that way.

It’s only now that I realize how much that woman crushed the one I was and created a selfish monster that doesn’t care about anyone else’s pain. Hopefully, I get the opportunity to work on it now, along with my beloved. If it’s too late, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself. I want to do the right thing! But for some reason, I can’t, and it’s a frustration you can’t even imagine. I’m responsible, yet I live in some kind of Peter Pan syndrome where I refuse to be accountable, stand for what I’ve done, and grow up. God damn it, I’ve exposed my beloved to a betrayal that has left scars on her body!

Is there anything at all that can repay such a high debt? If there’s something I haven’t figured out what it is yet, but I won’t give up until I know exactly what to do. Until then, I’ll fight for her forgiveness into my last breath. Hopefully, she can at least picture herself talking to me over time, even though I wouldn’t hold it against her if she refused. Personally, I think our most significant problems form when we don’t communicate, and it’s mostly my fault. Because even though Kaylin declined to talk to me the last time, at least in a calm tone, I can understand it.

I haven’t been the easiest person to talk to, and I know my words wouldn’t be anything but excuses for how I’ve treated her in my presence. It’s time to grow up, stop being a boy, and become the man Kaylin deserves. I have to get better, or I’ll lose not only her but also our daughter. After all, it’s not just the mother of my child I betrayed. If I don’t manage to get another chance with her, then at least I can rejoice in the fact that I have a beautiful daughter who’s a copy of her mother. My little girl, if only you were born under other circumstances and not under the utter chaos going on in your parents’ lives...

Aurora can’t be held responsible for anything. She’s a baby, and don’t misunderstand me; I love my daughter. But the best thing for her would be if she was born during a time when the future between Kaylin and me wasn’t as uncertain as it is now. Because I’ve reached the point where my beloved’s word is my law, and if she says no to a future together, then it’s no. Never do I intend to force her into a situation she’s not familiar or uncomfortable with again. Everything happening began with my selfishness to bite her without thinking about or even caring about the consequences.

However, what worries me the most isn’t that Kaylin may choose not to be with me; no, what gives me difficulty breathing is what happens if I can’t handle my feelings when she’s with Nathan. What do I do if I lose control and do something unforgivable? How do I deal with myself if the anger gets so roaring that I hurt my beloved or daughter? What shall I do if any of them die, and their blood stains my hands forever?

A/N:

Hello dear readers!

So, something’s wrong with Kaylin, and Salazar obviously knows what it is. While the chaos is beginning to emerge in Aleida’s territory, William is moving his clan there.

❀ What do you think the big secret is?

✿ Will Kaylin be able to forgive William? Does he even deserve it?

❀ How do you think Nathan and Kaylin will react to William moving closer?

Would you mind letting me know your thoughts since they help me develop my creative knowledge? Without your thoughts, I can’t become better since I don’t get any feedback, so please leave a comment. <3

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