Look Beyond What You See
Sickness

“Aerys? Aerys, it’s time to get up,” Juniper’s voice echoes from somewhere far away. I groan and pull the covers over my head. For once in my life, I am cold in my bed despite all of the overstuffed covers and fluffy blankets on top of me. My head is pounding. “Aerys.... Wait. You never sleep in. I never have to wake you up. Something must be wrong with you. Let me feel your forehead, dear.” She wrestles the covers off of my head and lays a cold hand on my forehead. I hiss and retreat into my blanket cave. Every muscle aches. I think I’ll not move that quickly again.

“Goodness, Aerys, you’re burning up!” Juniper declares. “I’ll go tell Their Excellencies that you are indisposed and will not be following your usual schedule today. Do you feel like eating anything?”

“No,” I groan.

“Of course. Well, I’ll send Malina in to keep you company and take care of you, and we’ll see if Their Excellencies let Dmitri come in here to see you.”

Dmitri. The roof last night. I was thoroughly chilled and soaked when I came in. We spent hours out there in the wet. Maybe Juniper is right and such behaviour is unhealthy. I feel terrible. Juniper fortunately does not ask how I think I got sick--for indeed, I can think of no other explanation for my overnight indisposition--and leaves the room quickly. Her footsteps on the ground shake my bed and hurt my head. A wave of dizziness overtakes me, even though I am lying down. A moment later nausea hits. I poke my miserable head out of the blanket cave just in time to see Malina coming into my bedchamber. A second later she’s at my bedside with a waste-bin, and I’m retching into it. Wonderful.

“Thank you,” I mumble once I’ve emptied the meagre contents of my stomach into the bin. I feel slightly better for it, better enough to sit up, supported by my massive piles of pillows. Malina smiles, but her eyes reveal concern.

“It’s no problem. Once I heard you’d taken ill, I came straight in. Looks like I got here just in time. Oy, Ginny, clean this out, will you?” Malina flags down a passing chambermaid and hands her the waste-bin. “How do you suppose you got sick? You were fine yesterday.”

“Dmitri and I were out on the roof for a long time last night.”

“In the rain? No wonder--”

“I kept us under a water shield for most of it. But I got up there well before he did....”

“I never thought I’d say this, but maybe Juniper’s medical wisdom has a bit of merit. No offence, but you look terrible.”

“I feel terrible.”

Malina chortles briefly at that. “Let me get you some water. That might help, at least with the aftertaste....” She continues talking, but she’s in my bath-chamber now and I can’t understand her. I sink back down into my bed again as another wave of dizziness hits. I wish Dmitri were here. Actually, I really don’t want him to see me like this, especially with a strumpet like Yekaterina around for him to compare me to, but I can’t help feeling that having him close would make me feel better.

Malina returns to my bedside with a glass of water and coaxes me into something of a sitting position, again supported by my pillows. I sip the water slowly. It seems to have more revitalising power in it than usual. Maybe I’m just extremely dehydrated? But that doesn’t make sense. I was in the rain forever last night...but I was maintaining a water shield, and I don’t think I brought all that water back into myself. I don’t think I drank much yesterday, either....

“You should probably have several of these, if you can keep them down,” Malina observes, as if voicing my thoughts.

“We’ll see how this first one goes. I feel a little better already, but...probably best not to rush it,” I agree.

“Oh, of course not. I’m certain that Juniper will see to it that you have the entire day to rest and recover. The trick will be to keep Zinaida from becoming too concerned and smothering you with well-meant but unnecessary attentions.”

“May the powers that be spare me such a fate,” I mutter. Just then, Juniper comes back into the room, carrying a tray with some suspicious-smelling gruel on it. My stomach turns and I look beseechingly at Malina.

“Juniper, Aerys’ stomach is in no condition to handle any sort of food at this time. It is currently in a state of rebellion against its established function,” Malina informs Juniper smoothly. “Would you mind placing that tray in the next room? The smell might exacerbate the disruptions in Aerys’ delicate constitution. She’s already miserable, poor thing.”

“Oh dear! This is more serious than I thought!” Juniper exclaims, retreating into my antechamber without further comment. That was easier than expected. Although it might be worse in the long run if she thinks I’m dying or some nonsense. Seconds later another maid whose name escapes me comes in with another glass of water. Malina takes it from her with murmured thanks.

“After this one, you should try to sleep again,” she advises. I nod wanly.

“Can you try to get Dmitri to come?”

“We’ll see what we can do, but I hardly think Zinaida will be keen on that idea. Yekaterina still needs her English lessons, after all.” Her snide tone reveals her opinion of Yekaterina, which was never high and is nearing rock bottom, between the rumours flitting about and Malina’s knowledge of my own state of mind regarding her and my fiancé. “We will try, though, Aerys. Make no mistake.” She must have seen how my mood crashed.

“I just don’t want to get your hopes up to have them crushed later,” she explains.

“I appreciate it,” I mumble into my glass of water. Still, she hears me and smiles in reply.

“Is there anything else we can do for you?”

“Someone should probably tell Giacomo that I won’t be at training this morning,” I sigh. “I don’t trust Their Excellencies to remember to do that.”

Malina arches an eyebrow. “I’ll attend to that, once you go back to sleep. I’m sure Juniper is on her way to tell Their Excellencies about your illness. Dmitri’s probably with them at breakfast and will be up as soon as he hears that you’re ill, if he has any say in it.”

“Thank you.” I don’t know what else to say. My brain is tired from all of the pounding inside my head. Fortunately, Malina doesn’t seem to expect me to be more articulate. She simply sits with me while I finish the second glass of water, settles me into a more comfortable sleeping position in my bed, and leaves, taking care to step lightly and turn off the lights as she does so. In spite of this, another wave of dizziness hits me, stronger than before. The room is spinning, faster every second. I close my eyes. Please just stop. The spinning gradually shifts to a smooth rocking motion, like that of a crib or a rocking chair but more fluid, the way water moves in a stream.

“Welcome, my child. Kind of you to visit me again,” Acionna’s liquid tones greet my ears. I open my eyes to find that I am reclining in a boat of some sort in a lake in Acionna’s domain. The silver-clad goddess stands at the other end of the boat, keeping it balanced. I unsteadily sit up to find that I feel infinitely better here. “Do not overexert yourself, dear. The energy you expend here is also expended in your own world, and you need it to heal.”

“Why did you bring me here, then?”

“We haven’t spoken in a while. I presumed that, since they’ve finally given you a day off, this was the best opportunity I would have to visit with you without disrupting your schedule. They keep you quite busy, don’t they?”

“Yes. I should be getting ready for training now.”

“You have improved immensely since you began working with Giacomo, though I do wonder that the Berkeleys chose him, out of all of my children, to come instruct you. I suppose he came at the lowest price, but they could have done much better.”

“He is a good teacher.”

“Perhaps, but there are better, and you deserve only the best.”

“Perhaps you should come train me in person, then.”

She laughs, the lovely tinkling sound of water being poured into a crystal goblet. “Goddesses do not engage themselves as tutors, my dear. However, we do speak to our favourites from time to time. While your skill with water and with the other aspects of your magic has improved greatly since last we spoke, your relationship with your fiancé has not. If that relationship continues to deteriorate, it will begin to have negative impacts on your abilities.”

“So you wanted to warn me? We’ve been trying to fix things, but Yekaterina--”

Acionna’s face looks like a thundercloud at the mention of that name and the lake’s waters turn turbulent. “Yes, Zinaida’s relation has been causing some serious problems for you, hasn’t she? Perhaps now you understand something of Dmitri’s feelings regarding Giacomo.”

“To some degree. I would understand more if Giacomo were as forward and inappropriate as Yekaterina, not that I would wish for such a thing.”

Acionna chuckles grimly. “Of course not. But you have grown closer to him recently.”

“That happens when I spend extended periods of time interacting with someone who does not completely annoy me. I am grateful for his help in learning to use my gift but not for his interference in my relationship with Dmitri. To me he is a tutor and nothing more, but I was under the impression that it is generally beneficial to be on good terms with one’s tutors.”

“Of course.” Her temper seems mollified; the lake has resumed its original calm. “And it was only common courtesy to ask that he be informed of your current indisposition. Would you care to see how that conversation is going? Or perhaps you would like to hear what Juniper is saying in the breakfast room?”

“Can you do that?”

“Of course I can. But you can, as well. Look down.” I look into the bottom of the boat to see that the bottom is glass. “The water will show you what you want to know. But you have to look beyond what you see.”

I peer into the bottom of the boat, wishing the water would tell me whether or not Dmitri will be coming to visit his ill fiancée. It begins to glow faintly cyan and swirl in strange Celtic patterns. Gradually a window forms in the waters that shows me the Berkeley dining room. Acionna snaps her fingers, and suddenly I can hear Juniper’s shrill tones as she details my illness to Zinaida, Yekaterina, and Dmitri, who are the only ones in the dining room at present.

“What do you mean, she’s ill?” Zinaida demands. Juniper’s cheeks turn pink and she whispers something in Zinaida’s ear. She must be mortified to have to verbalise something so indelicate as the details of my illness. Dmitri looks extremely concerned. Yekaterina looks annoyed that she cannot seem to divert his attention. She touches his upper arm and he impatiently swats her hand away as one would a mosquito.

“I’m afraid it could be serious, milady. I should like to send for a physician,” Juniper concludes so that all can hear.

“Don’t,” Dmitri argues, eyes hot. “They cause more harm than good. Let me take care of her.”

“You’re not allowed in her chambers until the two of you are married,” Zinaida objects, as though the etiquette is really important in this situation.

“What if she’s dying, Mother? Let me see her, at least.” Perhaps I should have been more concerned that he would overreact, instead of his mother.

“Vat about my lessons?” Yekaterina pouts indignantly.

“She specifically asked to see Dmitri,” Juniper adds. I don’t think I mentioned that to her, but perhaps she overheard, or just assumed. Or maybe she has magic, too, though I think I would know by now if she did. Dmitri is out of his seat and headed for the door. Zinaida seems at a loss for what to do.

“Juniper, supervise them!” she decides after Dmitri has rushed away. “Yekaterina, you will spend the morning with me.”

“As it should have been all along,” Acionna and I remark simultaneously. The window in the water closes.

“So there you have it. He is coming to see you,” Acionna continues. “And now you know how to exercise your gift for the purpose of clairvoyance. But I believe there is something else you want to see, is there not? Why don’t you look again?” I arch an eyebrow at her but look back at the glass bottom of the boat. A new window opens shortly thereafter, this one looking in on Malina in an unfamiliar room. I frown with confusion and the window widens, revealing a bed with some familiar ropes of blond hair on the pillows.

“Aerys sent me to tell you that she will not be coming to training this morning. She is quite ill,” Malina informs Giacomo.

“Really? Her conversation with Dmitri last night went that well?” the Italian water bender remarks dryly, sitting up in bed to reveal his bare (and beautifully toned) torso--and a nasty black eye. Malina’s eyes widen slightly but otherwise she does not react. Good woman.

“I’m not sure what you’re referring to.”

“I got this,” he explains, pointing to his eye, “after mentioning to Dmitri that letter you delivered yesterday morning. He took offence that I learned of it before he did. I expect they talked about it. Have they reconciled, or is she sick with grief? Has he forsaken her for the Russian girl?”

“I don’t believe it is my place to answer any of your questions. Your concern is simply with your duties as a tutor.”

“A good tutor should care about his students, and Aerys’s performance in the training room depends in some degree on her mood. I have asked nothing that it is not my right to know.” His eyes are stormy, and hiding something more.

“As far as I know they talked for some time last night, and Aerys’s illness has nothing to do with grief and everything to do with spending too much time outside in the rain after dark. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my duties call me back to her side. You may return to your rest.”

“Make sure she drinks a lot of water. Most illnesses in the water gifted stem at least in part from dehydration. If she gets worse, come get me. My clan knows some remedies that others do not, and they are better than anything a physician can do.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” With that, Malina leaves the room and my window in the water snaps shut. I look at Acionna, whose face is impassive.

“He cares quite a bit for you,” she observes.

“As much as Dmitri does?”

“Perhaps in his own way. If you had to choose between them--”

“It would be no choice,” I reply adamantly. “I want none other than Dmitri.” Acionna smiles in approval.

“He is at your bedside now. You should rejoin him.” She does not wait for me to reply. The boat is suddenly sucked into a giant whirlpool while she rises out of it in a cloud of her own making (I need to learn how to do that).

“Aerys,” Dmitri’s velvet tones greet me softly. He’s taking consideration for my headache. The headache seems to have subsided quite a bit, as has the dizziness, but it all comes back when I open my eyes and try to sit up. “Nono, shhhh, you don’t have to sit up. Just rest.”

“Dmitri,” I whisper, smiling up at him. “You came.”

His mouth smiles back, but his eyes are worried. “Of course I came. As soon as I heard you were ill, nothing could have kept me away. This is my fault. I knew you were soaked through last night, but I didn’t even try to dry you or warm you, because I was angry about the letter--”

“It’s not your fault. Stop it.” His eyes flash with indignation but he doesn’t pursue that train of thought. “What about Yekaterina--”

“Don’t think about her. Mother will take care of her. She can deal with this. If you want me to be here, nothing in this world will keep me away.”

Nothing anyone has ever said to me has made me as happy as those words.

“Thank you.” I find his warm hand with my icy fingers and squeeze gently, the best effort I can offer him other than a glowing smile. I’m absolutely exhausted after my visit with Acionna. I’m also extremely thirsty, suddenly. Juniper enters the room, huffing and puffing, and Malina slips in behind her.

“She’s awake? Have her drink another glass of water, Dmitri,” Malina instructs. The look on her face tells me she wants to talk to me later, without Dmitri around. I’m not surprised.

“And no funny business, or your mother will have my head on a pole,” Juniper adds, eyes narrow. “You’re lucky she decided to let you go and take care of Yekaterina’s lessons herself.”

Dmitri rolls his eyes and helps me sit up enough to sip the water without spilling it on myself. “I appreciate your help, Juniper,” he tells her, but his full attention is on me.

“Thank you both,” I say weakly, making eye contact with both Malina and Juniper. For now, that’s all that needs to be said. I’ll thank them properly, and talk with Malina about Giacomo, later. For now, for the first time since Yekaterina arrived, I can rest assured that she has no claim on my fiancé’s heart.

****~O~***

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