Konstantin: The Heartless Beta
48. Toxic Thoughts

Lily

“Are you sure this is the only way?” I ask the person over the phone.

"Yes, have I ever lied to you, Lilith?” He asks in that French accent that used to make me swoon, then breathes out a sigh. “If your mate doesn't understand, then come to me as Fenriz wanted so long ago. You know there's always a place for you at my side, don't you?”

“That's not how it works, Alpha Bastien, and you know it,” I say and shake my head.

"Oh, well, things might be different after you take care of your two little problems down there. Just reminding you that my offer still stands.” He replies with amusement in his voice.

“Be the seventh bride to a harem of Lunas? No, I don't think so.” I say and chuckle. “But thank you for your advice. I don't know if I will use it, but thank you.”

“Au revoir, mon chéri,” he says, then kills the call.

I throw down the cell phone and walk over to the window. What am I going to do? I can’t possibly do what Alpha Bastien suggested, even if he is a powerful Alpha. There has to be another way! Something catches my eye at the edge of the woods, and I see the witch, Marle, walking towards it. A few minutes later, Kai and Konstantin follow after her... wait, are they planning something?

/“They want to kill you, Lily,"/ that little voice in my head insists yet again. After last night it has been getting louder, so loud that it drowns out Gypsy's voice.

“No, they wouldn't try to kill me. I'm a Volkova-"

/“You're a demon and one of Stefan’s. You'll never truly belong, Lily, and it's time you realise that.”/ It says, its voice getting louder.

"NO!" I exclaim, shaking my head and pacing the floor. “They are family! I'm family, and I'm a Volkova!"

/“You're a blight on the BloodCrest Pack, you know they all think that, right? They're all just pretending..., especially Konstantin.”/ It says, and in place of Gypsy, I see two yellow eyes.

"NO-!"

/“Take the Alpha's offer; you know he will accept you. He's a werewolf filled with lust and would appreciate you better than Konstantin. Did you not see the look of disgust on his face as he claimed you last night, or do you simply refuse to remember?”/

When he says this, an image crosses my mind... Konstantin just entered me, and I threw my head back in ecstasy...when I opened my eyes and looked back at him, he recoiled.

/“See? Why would I lie to you? You're my precious host, and I need you."/ It says, and I can clearly see the smirk on its face.

Konstantin loves me; he wouldn't kill me! He came all the way to rescue me from Stefan, and Kai put his daughter's life on the line to get Kaia back. There is no way they would hate me after all that! No way! It's lying; it has to be.

/Lily-"/

"NO!" I scream so loudly that I hear the twins as they wake up and run towards the nursery.

I see that it's Kaia that's crying, and I pick her up, holding her close to my chest. “Shhh, it's okay,” I soothe, rubbing her back, but she only starts to cry louder.

"Kaia, it's okay, baby, mommy is-"

Another piercing cry, and Luca decides to wake up as well, matching his sister as they both scream loudly. My heart races, and I panic, holding both twins in my arms and rocking them

“Shhh...” I whisper as tears roll freely down my cheeks. “Mommy is here; it's okay..." I say with a shaky voice as I sink to the floor with both of them in my arms.

/"Remember what the Alpha said, Lily, you can still-"/

“Lily?”

I look up as Caterina enters the nursery with a concerned look on her face. She sees me on the floor with the crying babies, and her face falls. “Oh, honey,” she says, then joins us on the floor.

She takes the twins from my arms and rocks them until they fall asleep again. I can do nothing but watch as she does what I am supposed to do, and I wonder if I'm even fit to be a mother.

After calming them down, she puts them back in their separate cribs and joins me on the floor again. “Bad day?” she asks, gently rubbing my back.

I wipe my tears and sniff. “Bad... everything today,” I scoff and bring my knees up to my chest before looking back at her. “I'm sure you can see what happened last night.”

She shakes her head. “Alpha Ryker has been teaching me to control my visions, so don't worry, I can't accidentally peer into your private life anymore.”

"Oh," I say. “Well, last night, I basically used Konstantin as Stefan used me.”

Caterina's eyes widened. “You used your Succubus powers on him?” She asks, and I nod.

“I did, without knowing what I was doing. I'm sure he hates me after this; I know I hate myself enough.” I say and feel tears running down my face again. “I just saw him and Kai heading into the woods with the witch; I'm sure they're plotting to get rid of me.”

“Lily!” Caterina calls out and takes my face in her hands. “Why would we plot to get rid of you? You're our family and an important part of the pack! We love you, Lily. You're like a sister to me, well, one I wished to always have.”

I don't know why, but Caterina’s words simultaneously shatter and heal my heart. She wouldn't lie to me; in fact, Caterina can be a bit too honest sometimes, and it gets on my nerves. By the sincere way she said those words, I know she means them.

And to think a few minutes ago, I thought they were all out to get me.

“There's a voice in my head telling me to kill the twins and run away,” I admit, sobbing even harder than before. “It has yellow eyes while it calls me its host and tells me the most awful things.”

When I look at Caterina, I expect a look of horror on her face, but instead, I see sympathy. “Would you like me to see?” She asks.

My heart hammers when she says this. “Use your Sight on me?”

She nods. “Alpha Ryker has been teaching me to be more precise as well, so I think I might be able to help.” She says with a smile.

/“Don’t believe her, Lily! She wants to see if her family will be safe from you!"/

I bring my fists up to my head hard. “No!”

“Is it back now? Is it talking to you?” Caterina asks, and I nod while I continue to pound my head.

“It won't stop!”

Suddenly a sense of calm overtakes me as she puts her hand on my back, and when I look at her, I see her eyes have gone white - she's using her Sight on me. We sit like this for close to five minutes, with Caterina crying periodically. However, when her nose starts bleeding, she pulls away.

"Cat-"

“I saw it all,” she says out of breath and stands up to grab a tissue and wipe her bloody nose. “Your life here with us if you stay and your life with Alpha Bastien after you kill the twins.”

My heart dropped at her words; she saw Alpha Bastien. I went to him after all! “Kill... kill the twins? I

"Don’t worry, Lily, I saw two different futures, and it all depends on the decision you make today. The future's not set in stone; it can always be changed, especially when there's a choice involved.” She says, then holds out her hand for me to take.

“Do you trust the snake in your mind or me? Make the decision now, Lily.”

I breathe out a sigh, then take her hand and lift myself from the floor. “I trust you.”

She smiles then envelopes me in a hug. “The men have a plan, and it all depends on whether or not you trust them enough to go through with it.”

“A plan?” I ask, breaking off the embrace.

“If my vision is anything to go by, and it has never been wrong,” she nods. “Marle is giving them advice, and Konstantin will come in here to speak with you about it. Trust in your mate, Lily, and your future will be beautiful.”

I want to believe her... I want to believe her so badly. “But this voice..." I trail off, feeling like a weakling for sobbing like this in front of the literal Moon Goddess, but she only smiles at me.

“It's all part of the plan. As I have said, trust in your mate.” She says again, then hugs me once more and walks out of the nursery.

Trust in my mate, huh? I suppose that he has always been the one to get me out of a bad spot. For over ten years, he kept me safe and taught me how to be a warrior without the need to even use my fists. He came for me when I was being held captive and risked his life... all for me.

I breathe out a long sigh again and walk over to Kaia's crib. A few minutes ago, I contemplated killing them both because of a voice in my head who told me they would be nothing but a blight on this pack.

It told me all that, and I believed it. I'm a bad mother, a ruined, messed up, terrible mother and they deserve better. I have to get better for them.

“I'm so sorry, baby,” I murmur, caressing her cheek and nearly waking her when a tear slips from my cheek onto hers.

Chuckling, I wipe it away, but something next to Kaia's stuffed bear catches my eye... a glint of silver. I move the bear away, and my eyes widen at what I find; a fucking silver dagger!

"What the fuck?!” I exclaim and pick it up, and at that moment, I hear Konstantin calling me outside the nursery, then bursting through the door.

“LILY, NO!" he exclaims when he sees me, and I blink when I see him...then the realisation hits me at what this might look like.

I look at the dagger, then at him and shake my head. “No! It's not what it looks like!” I say, then put a finger to my lips. “Shhh, they've just gone to sleep.”

Konstantin walks towards me with wide eyes and peers into the cribs before breathing a sigh of relief. “What's going on?” he asks.

I hand the dagger over to him. “I found this in Kaia's crib underneath a stuffed bear. Something tells me someone knows I've been struggling with toxic thoughts and left that there so I can finish the job.”

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