joy.
record XVIII: apprivoise.

Evangelique ran as fast as she could, her prosthetic legs squeaking.

She remembered Tsubaki telling her where he lived only a short while ago. It was in a part of Mumei known as Gladiolus Court, a neighborhood of small, Victorianesque cottages.

When Eva had finally arrived at Gladiolus Court, she was quite winded. Snow began to fall softly to the ground, shimmering in the fluttering flames of the lamposts. She walked towards a cottage with the metal numbers, 1703, naled above it.

Evangelique knocked nervously on the door.

There was no answer, and she wondered if he was out rather than home. Eva knocked again. Shortly after, the door creaked open. Eva jumped back.

Tsubaki stood in the doorway. He had loosely tied his hair back using a white ribbon and strands of hair dangled around his two usually hidden facial scars. He wore an oversized, white button-up shirt over a pair of grey slacks that fitted him nicely.

“Are you okay...?” asked Tsubaki, tiredly.

“I-I...” stuttered Eva. She felt her face warm up.

“I apologize,” said Tsubaki quickly. “That isn’t very mannerly of me.”

He opened his door more and stood out of the way.

“Please, come in,” he gestured.

“T-Thank you...” stuttered Eva. She walked in carefully, making sure she didn’t let any snow enter the house.

When she entered the compacted house, the first thing Evangelique saw was the small kitchen to her left. Flowers grew from the ceramic sink and vines hung from a large lantern that lit up the area. A beautiful china set was in the farthest corner of the kitchen, collecting dust.

To her right was a neatly organized living room area, where two small violet and gold laced couches sat. In that same area sat two red velvet and cherrywood armchairs, both quite antique.

Just a few feet past the tiny kitchen was a large wooden table with seven chairs around it. Ivy grew around the legs of the table and upon the back wall, which had one long, curtained window. Only a few inches away from a chair on the left side of the dining room was closed door that most likely led to a pantry.

Straight ahead, before the dining room, was a wooden door. Eva wondered if it led to a study or a small bedroom.

“I’m sorry I’ve not properly dressed for guests,” said Tsubaki.

“That’s alright!” exclaimed Eva. After all, I came by without letting you know...”

“Thank you...” responded Tsubaki. “But, not to be rude...”

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and looked down at the wood floors.

“Why are you here again?”

Eva froze in foolishness. She didn’t want to tell him about the strange vision she saw before, but she didn’t want to lie to him either.

“I just...wanted to see how you were today,” stated Eva. She grinned nervously. Tsubaki stared at her for a moment.

“I see...” his voice gentle. “Then, would you like some tea?”

She thought for sure he would tell her he was alright and then send her on her way. Instead, he acted hospitably and welcomed her, despite how aloof he seemed.

“I can’t possibly do that!!” exclaimed Eva.

“What do you mean?” asked Tsubaki.

“I intruded on your home when you weren’t expecting me!” replied Eva.

“But you came to see how I was, despite the snowy weather outside,” stated Tsubaki. “The least I can do is brew you some tea before you have to leave.”

Evangelique didn’t know how to reply, other than with a common, “you-don’t have-to-do-that”. She sighed defeatedly and ceased arguing about it. She glumly puffed her cheeks up, just like a pouting child.

Tsubaki walked into the kitchen. He picked up the china teapot and began to wash it in the sink. The water splashed upon the flowers, droplets ricocheting onto Tsubaki’s shirt. Once he had completed washing and drying the teapot, he set a kettle upon a fire and picked some dried herbs from an ivory-hued, ceramic jar.

“I apologize in advance for the tea,” said Tsubaki. “I’m not very skilled in cooking or preparing beverages.”

“It’s okay,” replied Eva with a small smile. “I’m sure the tea will turn out just fine.”

Suddenly, a strange growl noise came from in the room. Evangelique knew that sound as none other than the rumbling of an empty stomach, but it wasn’t her who made that noise. Eva looked at Tsubaki, who had turned away from her.

“Tsubaki...are you hungry?” asked Eva.

“Nope,” answered Tsubaki quickly.

“You sure about that?” asked Eva, who raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

“Positive,” replied Tsubaki. His stomach growled again.

“I’m making you something to eat,” said Eva, deadpan. She walked into the kitchen.

“W-Wait, a minute, you don’t have to do that--”

“Too late, it’s happening.”

Eva walked towards the sink and turned the faucet. She quickly tied up her hair and washed her hands.

“But you’re my guest--”

“Say, where do you keep your pots and pans?”

“You don’t need to make me anything...”

Eva turned around. She pointed a wooden spatula at the tall and willowy young man.

“But I want to make you something,” declared Eva. “It’s the least I can do, seeing as you welcomed me into your home without the knowledge I’d be coming here.”

Tsubaki sighed and looked away from her, a gentle blush coming from his otherwise pale face.

“Fine,” he said stubbornly. “Then, at least let me help you.”

Eva grinned.

“Alright then, if you could cut some herbs, that would be very helpful!” responded Eva, jovial.

Tsubaki nodded as he went to grab a wooden cutting board and a knife from a cabinet. Evangelique watched him chop up herbs. She could see he was determined to achieve perfection.

As she looked at him, she noticed the scar over his left eye.

“Tsubaki,” began Eva as she stirred a pot filled with broth she had bought at the food market hours before. “If you don’t mind my asking, do you cover up the scars on your face?”

“...I don’t want to scare the people around me,” he replied. His voice was quiet and peppered with stiffness.

“Why do you think your scars could scare someone?” asked Eva.

“Because...” started Tsubaki, who did not look away from his task. “They are afraid of them.”

“They?”

“Everyone. People may be silent about their thoughts, but their expressions and reactions speak louder than words.”

‘He’s more open of a person than I perceived...’ thought Eva to herself.

She thought of her prosthetic legs, subconsciously looking down at them. She winced as her heart dropped.

As a child, she knew everyone around her viewed her as different. They took one glimpse of her legs and immediately felt disgust or pity. Even though they whispered that she was a disturbing tragedy of a child or an inconsiderate girl for showing the pain she had faced, she heard it all loudly.

So, she decided to wear long socks and long dresses, wishing to conceal her flaws.

She quickly took another glance at Tsubaki, with painful understanding in her eyes. Could she say something that could help him to know that he didn’t have to hide the pain he had faced?

As her mind went through various things to say, her mouth opened.

“I understand what that can be like,” said Evangelique. Her eyes softened, looking into the warm, caramel-colored broth she cooked. “When I was a child, I had scars. People were afraid of them and often stayed far away because I didn’t look like everyone else.”

Her hand slowly released its grip from the wooden spatula.

“The fact of the matter is, scars can tell our stories easily,” she remarked. “And some people don’t like that. They don’t want to see the real parts of others, because it makes them uncomfortable.”

Eva gently touched Tsubaki’s right hand, which was still cutting herbs, slowly. He stopped his movements as soon as he felt her small fingers gently tap him.

Eva’s heart began to take an anxious flight, and she hoped her next words could touch his heart.

“But even though people may feel that way, it doesn’t mean you should hide your story...there are people in this world who will want to hear your tale. I know this because I’m one of them.”

Tsubaki kept his head down and didn’t say a word, but Eva could tell by the way he began to softly shake that he didn’t know what to think of what she told him.

“Tsubaki, look at me,” spoke Eva softly.

Was she bothering him by saying what was on her heart? Would she regret what she had already said?

The questions echoed in her head, but she suppressed them, focusing on the task at hand. Tsubaki sighed a quivery sigh and slowly turned to look at her.

“If you want to stop hiding your scars, then don’t be afraid to,” said Eva in bold tenderness. Don’t worry about what others think. And if it seems no one will accept what you truly look like, then please know I’m not afraid of your scars. I never could be. So...you don’t need to be alone.”

Tsubaki’s eyes widened slowly. He could see the truth of Evangelique’s words reflecting in her eyes. He turned his gaze away from her, his thick, tangerine locks covering his face.

“...Thank you,” he mumbled gently.

Evangelique smiled contently. She didn’t know if Tsubaki would believe her, but maybe in time, she could convince him. Maybe in time, he could understand that he didn’t have to hide his scars in such a way.

Maybe one day, Tsubaki could see that though scars do not heal, they can bring a story of healing to life.

The stew turned out hearty and savory, with a hint of sweetness to it. Though Tsubaki did not eat much, he made sure to convey his enjoyment of the meal.

The tea Tsubaki had made was bitter and leafy, with a strange lack of flavor lingering in the heat of the beverage. Eva did not enjoy its taste but generously thanked Tsubaki for his hospitality.

“Thank you for visiting me...” said Tsubaki.

“Thank you for having me here, despite my random appearance!” replied Eva.

Tsubaki messed with his hands nervously.

“I...wanted to ask you a question,” stated Tsubaki.

“What may that be?” asked Eva.

“Earlier...you said that you were my friend,” he began. “Why did you say that?”

Evangelique glanced at Tsubaki, who looked quite confused and timorous.

Had he ever made a friend before?

“Well...because, you are kind,” answered Eva. “I find that because of your kindness; I want to get to know you more. And when two people want to get to know one another, they become friends.”

Eva bit her lip nervously. She wanted to express the relation she felt, but no words came. It was as if her heart had locked itself away from her mind again, and it had no intention of releasing itself from uncommunicable seclusion.

She feared her skin-crawling, soul shaken empathy would sound like cliched sympathy.

“But I’m not that kind...” responded Tsubaki.

“I think you are,” expressed Eva, who ardently believed in his care and thoughtfulness. “When I first met you, you asked if I had gained something that I lost before. You told me that you hoped I found it out of pure sincerity. Ever since then, you’ve been polite and understanding. So truly, I do believe you are kind!”

Tsubaki looked at her with his deep, emerald eyes. They reflected a sense of unbelief.

“So if you wish to be my friend, can I wish to be your friend?” asked Tsubaki.

“Of course!” replied Eva cheerily.

Just then, a knock came from the front door. Tsubaki walked to the front door and opened it.

Ago stood outside with frostbitten cheeks and a shivering body.

“Hello, Ago,” said Tsubaki in a welcoming tone.

“Hello, Brother Tsubaki,” replied Ago with chattering teeth. “I’m here to pick up Eva. Is she still here?”

“Yes, I am,” butted in Eva.

“Alright,” responded Ago. “Are you ready to go back home?”

Evangelique looked at a clock. It was well past 10 in the evening.

“A-Ah, yes...” replied Eva. She turned to look at Tsubaki.

“Thank you for having me over,” she said, taking a polite bow.

“No, thank you for visiting me,” replied Tsubaki, who bowed in response.

Evangelique smiled again. She couldn’t seem to stop smiling this evening. As she walked towards the open front door, she began to shiver.

“Wait, take this,” called Tsubaki. He took his soft knit scarf from the nearby coat rack. He put the scarf carefully around her neck before Eva could say anything.

“Thank you,” she said. She grinned widely.

To her surprise, Tsubaki also smiled. It wasn’t a small, forced smile. No, this was a genuine smile that came deep from within the heart.

Seeing his usually grim and solemn expression turn into an innocent and lovely smile caused Evangelique’s heart to flood with adoration for the precious moment.

“I’m guessing you had a vision,” said Ago out of the blue as he trudged through the snow.

“How did you know?” asked Eva.

“I felt it,” replied Ago. “All Lieutenants feel the visions of other Lieutenants, even if they can’t see the visions themselves.”

“I see...” pondered Eva.

“What was the vision about?” asked Ago.

“An older lady stood in front of me, holding a camellia,” stated Eva. “She told me Tsubaki needed to smile again.”

“Did the older lady have silver hair tied up in a bun?”

Evangelique gulped as she looked at Ago’s austere countenance.

“Yes...” she replied slowly.

Ago looked up to the snowy sky. The darkness of a midnight blue engulfed the clouds bearing the crystalized specks of cold.

“Then you probably saw Eleanor...” breathed Ago. “She was a lovely lady, very kind. She took Tsubaki in when he was just a young boy.”

“She did?” asked Eva.

“Yep,” replied Ago. “I remember when I first met him. I was still a young man, just married to Nadia. Tsubaki was shockingly thin and worn down, just like those who got caught up in the Great War of Areon and Nocala. I was afraid he wasn’t going to make it because of how sickly he was, but Eleanor wasn’t. She believed he was a fighter...and she was right.”

Evangelique looked down at her feet. Tsubaki was still fragile for someone of his age. When she visited him, he looked exhausted.

Though she had made him smile, though she had touched his heart--was it enough to help him keep fighting?

Would he soon give up his battle?

“Ah, we’ve arrived back at the dormitory,” said Ago.

“Thank you for walking me back,” replied Eva.

“Not a problem, Sister Eva,” chimed Ago. “Now, I must get home. Nadia awaits with little Tori, and I’m sure both of them are missing me dreadfully by now!”

“Take care!” said Eva as she waved goodbye. Ago waved in return and ran off into the snow, towards the place he called home.

Eva looked up into the silent winter night. Snowflakes kissed her dark eyelashes and button nose gently as she released a silent prayer from her lips.

A prayer...just for Tsubaki.

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