Joelene
newsboy cap

So I got up and ran downstairs.

Papaw wasn’t in the kitchen,

but Eric was standing

and drinking from the milk jug.

“Where 'you going?!”

I wasn’t talking quietly.

Eric turned around

in his Newsboy cap

and his brown dress-shirt and suspenders,

and man, he was Rose’s Leonardo DiCaprio

in the flesh.

And my stomach tightened

like someone knotted my intestines

the way one would knot a rope.

He said: “Joelene, listen...”

Looked behind me, around us.

“I can’t take you from your parents.

When you’re older, I’ll come back for you.”

Then my mother walked into the kitchen.

“What’s the matter?”

Eric tensed,

and I thought that if I were wicked,

I’d tell Mamaw what he’d done.

No doubt, she’d have classed him

as a pervert.

He’d be stoned to death.

“Jo don’t want me to leave.” Eric grinned

and rubbed me on the head,

I stared up at him evilly from behind his wrist.

He had begging eyes.

But I loved this idiot

too much to snitch on him.

I loved him but Eric

never loved me.

I still love him.

He’s my first love.

Papaw came laughing,

saying how adorable it was.

But there was nothing adorable

about this at all.

If they knew what we’d done

more times than my hands could count,

they wouldn’t be smiling with admiration.

Eric patted my shoulder again,

and Papaw went with him to pack,

and my tears were near to falling.

He was leaving.

He was leaving me.

Right after I gave him every,

single,

thing.

I knew I was too young.

And it wouldn't last.

But damn him,

for making me feel like it would.

Fucking Eric.

Then when he was finished,

he passed me in the living room.

He looked around.

The coast was clear.

Then he rubbed my back

and whispered in my ear.

“I’ll always want you, Joelene.

Always.”

And he kissed my cheek,

and his eyes were glassy.

He looked away

before I could see the tears.

And mine started flowing.

Damñ him.

Mamaw said earlier

that his work had started back

and he needed to leave.

But he never told me anything.

Then as he started to leave,

he turned to me and waved,

and my heart felt like it would never

be whole again.

Eric left.

He left me so suddenly

yet all at once.

He left me after promising,

that he wouldn't.

As the trunk hummed

through the gate,

and Eric looked back,

to give me one last smile,

I knew deep down,

Eric wasn't coming back for me

anytime soon.

He wasn't. He wouldn't.

I knew.

Oh, I knew, I knew...

that he had gone home

to be with his real 'gal'

Oh, I knew. I knew, I knew,

with every single part of me

though it hurt,

though it burns like chili pepper,

that Eric had only wanted

to take advantage of me...

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