Even Angels Fall (Book 3)
Epilogue- Tessa

Tessa

It’s quiet here. It’s an nauseating feeling, like there is something missing. There’s a whole or a cloud and it’s sucking every pleasant sensation from the air and leaving behind misery.

I sit on the foot of Eric’s bed with my knees in my chest simply being. I have nowhere else to go. I have no other desire to quell. I want to ease his heartache and so I attempt to do that by being here where he can see me suffering with him. I cannot stop the pain in his heart but I will travel the length of his grief with him. It’s the only thing I can do.

Miley and Meryl lay on blankets on the floor in between the beds. Usually when they are together, there are endless giggles and constant criticism but for hours they’ve not said a word.

Tristan sits on his bed across from us. A book light illuminates the novel in his hand. It rests against his knees. I’ve noticed however that in the past hour he’s turned the page twice. His eyes consistently pop up to rest on Eric, lingering for long periods of time before self-consciously he forces them back upon his book.

Leon sits in a leather chair in front of the flat screen TV, playing the same game for the last six hours. Every so often he’ll reach down to take a quick drink from a beer on the carpeted floor and in that movement, he’ll glance back at Eric but no one notices. At least, he thinks no one notices and just as quickly, he’s back to playing his game.

I flick my eyes on Eric. Curled up in a blanket, he sleeps. There isn’t any movement, no rising of his chest or deep easy breathing. I’ve come to realize that Fallen do not do such things. The first day I slept in Miley’s room with her in the bed across from me, I was scared. To hold someone that doesn’t breathe, to press your ear up against a chest that has no heartbeat is frightening. But I’ve lived with them for several days now and I’ve learned to realize that their physical qualities doesn’t make them alive.

I love them. Every single one of them has become my family. They love each other and if this tragic event doesn’t prove it, nothing will. As terrible as it is, I envy it.

Eric’s eyes open. He looks around, spotting the twins, locking eyes with Tristan. Tristan attempts to smile and mouths. ‘Hey’.

Eric flicks his eyes down to me. He holds out a hand and I willingly come to his side. I bury myself in the blankets and curl my back into his chest. He holds me tight, resting his face in the crook of my neck.

The twins rise from the floor and whether spurred by jealousy or love, they spring on the bed and snuggle against his backside, wrapping their arms around him. Meryl whispers, “Are you hungry? Roger really wants to help. You know he cooks when he’s upset.”

Eric shakes his head.

Miley fights, “You got to eat, Eric.”

Tristan speaks for him. “He’s fine. Stop bothering him.”

“Oh you know what’s best for him, do you?” Miley bitterly murmurs.

“Yeah, I think I do.”

She sits up, ignoring the pleas from Meryl. I clench Eric’s hand but he doesn’t seem to be paying any attention.

“Just because you’re his Soul Mate doesn’t mean you have any idea what he needs.”

“I think that’s exactly what it means. What would you know about Soul Mates anyway? Last I checked you don’t have one.” Tristan crawls off his bed and abandons the room.

“What the hell was that about?” Miley falls back down and the room is once again silent where only my breathing and Leon’s button pressing interrupts.

When I wake again, Leon lays on the floor. Miley stretches at the foot of the bed and Meryl is laying with Tristan on the opposite mattress. It’s how I know time moved on, otherwise it feels like life is stagnant outside this room.

I turn my head and find Eric’s eyes. Being so close to him, it’s impossible to ignore the deformities of his face. He hasn’t any eyelashes or eyebrows. They appear to be just open holes in his face, misshapen by the skin that’s been regrown in layers. Some of the skin is red, other areas: a light pink while still some regions specifically over his bald scalp are white.

I hold his cheek in my hand, its rigid texture coarse against the smoothness of my palm. A tear drips over the ridge of my nose and his finger catches it before it drips off and soaks in the pillow. I smile but it’s fake and fades.

I take a deep breath and release it, “I think your sisters will feel better if you eat something.”

He blinks.

“Eric.” My lip trembles, “I’m so sorry--” The same digit rests on my lips stopping me from speaking. I swallow, nodding, stuffing all my guilt and blame back inside my belly. I turn in his arms again and face the door as he pulls me tight. I wonder why he chooses me to hold. I’m barely a friend. I can’t fathom the depth of his pain no matter how long I stay inside this bubble of grief and yet he clings to me with a hand resting on my ribs. With each deep intake of breath, he feels my lungs expand.

I hope he understands that though I have a heartbeat and though I breathe, I’m far from human. I can’t replace the woman he’s lost.

Wood creaks from the hallway. I wait, watching, hoping to catch sight of him. I know Felix stands outside the doorway, I can see the shadow of his feet. Will he come in? Will he show his face?

The minutes pass by before I hear the same squeak and Felix departs.

With delicacy, I remove myself from Eric’s hold, tiptoeing over the limbs and bounding out of the room. Felix’s bedroom light is on, the stream of yellow pools out underneath a small slit from the door. I turn the handle, silently peeking in. He rests on his bed, with his head in his hands. Only then do I knock making my presence known.

He snaps up on his feet, alert and taciturn. “Tessa.” He greets. “What do you want?” With that, he moves to his dresser, snatching a few clothes and returns to his bed where a suitcase sits, open and barely packed.

“Are you going somewhere?”

“Yes, if you must know.” Aggravation stems in his reply and he drops the clothes with carelessness, returning to his dresser to retrieve more. “Newborns from other houses will come here to seek shelter. I obviously can’t be here.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” He laughs bitterly, “Dozens of people want to kill me, Tessa.”

“Where will you go?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes.”

He shakes his head, a heavy weight of despair dropping his shoulders. “Just go, Tessa.”

“Promise me you’re not going out for revenge.” I step closer watching as his head rises, his eyes straying to mine. “Whatever plans your making, it doesn’t have to be like this.”

“You better not be defending Isis right now. You’re going to tell me she’s a good person? After what you saw?”

I grip his hand, “I’m telling you, you’re a good person, Felix. You’re better than her and you can’t go down that path. I won’t let you.”

He stares at our hands. “You don’t know me at all.”

“I know you feel guilty. I know you feel shame.” I latch onto his fingers, stopping him from turning away. “It wasn’t your fault, Felix.”

He nods. It is such a simple motion but I feel relief in the movement. Happiness bubbles in my chest and I stop myself from smiling. I’ve wanted to help ease his stress since the moment I met him and this is the first time I think I’ve made some improvement.

“How long,” He begins, “Have you known?”

“Known?” I feel something. Something disgusting bubbling in my gut.

He slowly takes my wrist and pulls it from his hand, holding it between us. His navy eyes lift but the color seems to darken, nearly to a black void that frightens me. “How long, Tessa, have you known that you’re my Soul Mate?”

I take a step back but he clutches my wrist keeping me still. “I..”

“How long?”

My body trembles, eyes flickering across the ground in panic. “It’s not what you think. I wasn’t--”

“Did you and Isis plan this?”

“What?”

“You are her daughter, aren’t you? She must have taught all the ways to manipulate someone. And I’m stupid enough to fall for it.” He shoves me hard and my back hits the wall. The picture hanging beside me teeters.

“Felix, I didn’t plan anything, I swear it.”

“From the first day, I couldn’t turn you away. I knew the trouble I could get into and yet, I took you in. Because I couldn’t deny you. Matthias has called me multiple times attempting to get you back and I have avoided him because pathetically I didn’t want you to go. And when Isis threatened Eric’s girlfriend, held a blade to her heart, I still clung to you, like a fucking fool!”

“Please-”

“Now my best friend is slipping because I couldn’t say no. Because I couldn’t let you go.”

“I didn’t trick you, Felix. I feel the same way. I want to stay with you.”

“Well, that’s too bad. Because you don’t belong here. And you certainly don’t belong with me. You need to go. And I don’t ever want to see you again.”

My brows depress in bewilderment and I step forward but he holds out a hand, keeping me away.

“I want you to leave and don’t come back.”

Even as tears roll down my cheeks, a coldness stiffens my backbone. Disappointment is a familiar feeling and it’s almost welcome after the hours of drowning in someone’s else grief. However, along with the disappointment there is a distant ache building in my chest that I refuse to acknowledge. “In this house, I thought we were all Light, Felix. You made me believe anything was possible. But I guess you’re just like everyone else. I’m an Angel. You’re a Fallen. You stay on your side, and I’ll stay on mine.”

I hurry down to Miley’s room, packing all the clothes she’s bought me and every present and souvenir I’ve gotten since. Only a few days with this family already I have more belongings, more treasures than I had during my five years with Isis. I shove each article with a building aggravation as tears steadily build.

Throwing the bag over my shoulder and push out of the hallway, stalling upon spotting Eric. It’s the first time he’s been out of his room. A towel hangs on his arm and he lingers by the bathroom but he stands just at the entrance unwilling, or perhaps unable to go further.

He shakes his head, “Not now, mate.”

I step into the doorway, concentrating on the voice as I peek around the bend.

Leon steps out of the bathroom, glancing at Eric’s bedroom before changing the direction of his body, facing me but not seeing me. I squeeze backward.

“He wants you to check us out again. I don’t think you understood everything your last visit.”

“You all are barmy. I understand bloody well.”

“No, Eric. We just have a different perspective. I know you don’t like what’s going on. We don’t either. So we’re fixing it. We’re not as powerless as everyone thinks we are. The Erelims aren’t in control. We are. Just because we’re Newborns doesn’t mean we’re nothing, Eric. You can have power to do what you want. Wouldn’t you like that?”

“They’re killers, Leon.”

“No. Isis is a killer. She takes the lives of innocents. We, we take the lives of people that deserve to die. Think about it, Eric. We shape the world to how we want it. You can be a part of that. You can help kill Isis and all the others that are selfish and terrible. We’re the good guys, Eric. The Messiah is the only good left on this earth.”

I hear the squeal of the wood panel and I press myself up against the wall. He passes by me and heads down the front steps. With quivering breath, I peek around the entrance. Eric stands in the hall, glaring at the floor, contemplating.

I need to tell Felix. Clutching the strings of my bag, I take a step out and then Leon meets my terrified stare.

Unfortunately for the moment, that's all I have. Book 4 was lost due to damage to my hard drive. I will rewrite but it will be a while. Sorry. And thank you for reading.

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