Darkest Before the Dawn (male/male)
Hell Is Where the Home Is

Barty

Try as she might, Goldie was extraordinarily bad at hiding things from me, especially under pressure. When another body was found in Savannah, stripped of nails and eyes and holes in its head, she called me out of desperation.

“You’re not supposed to be here, I know, but I couldn’t wait until Felix woke up tonight,” she quickly explained to me when I got out of my car. “I’ll tell Felix it was my fault, so you won’t get into trouble.” She was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, meaning she'd gotten dressed in a rush to head here. Her golden hair was up in a loose bun, tied by a red ribbon. “Colin called me about this one. It was discovered by two fishermen this morning, and our friendly Chief of Police caught wind of it and contacted a Mazerene liaison. It’s taken like an hour just to call the right people and get me down here.”

Surrounding an area of the Savannah river were a swarm of police, the medical examiners, and crime scene analysts. Civilians were gathered around to try to see what happened, and I shoved past them to get closer. It was always satisfying pulling out my badge to show that I was with a super special crime scene investigation team. As far as officers knew, whenever they saw an MMES badge, it meant shit was fucked up and beyond their jurisdiction. Seeing their raised eyebrows and change of urgency never got old.

What did get old was seeing murdered demons. This one was bloated from being in the water, dragged up and laid out on a tarp to allow the MEs to do their jobs. “Bled out and dropped in the water?” I asked, sneaking up behind a younger medical examiner. She nodded and pointed with her gloved finger to the slash across the victim’s throat.

“Looks like some kind of blade, serrated from the tears. Just like those other bodies.” She stood up and motioned for me and Goldie to get into it. “Have at it.”

“We’ll take it from here, actually. Go and get the investigator for this, and I’ll talk to them.” My focus was laser sharp, checking for any differences on this body than the previous ones. Male, mid-thirties. Full demon, judging from the magic still wafting from him. He must have been dead for around four hours, putting his time of death at about 4:30 that morning, when I was on the plane back from Mazerene. Defensive wounds were on his arms, but he must have been mostly drained of blood when he received them since he should have been able to heal them.

Extremely concerning was how close this body was to my old house, only about ten minutes. I suddenly felt sick at the realization because, from this very spot by the river, I knew exactly how to get home. This was the Riverwalk Cade and I had been to plenty of times in our years to get local teas and honeys and buy ice cream on our shitty days. Goldie, Cade, and I had all just met three blocks from here the day before, and last night, I had driven past here.

“They were looking for me,” I whispered to Goldie. “Richard knew I lived here, so he sent people to look for me.”

“Felix and Cadence were right in having you move, then.” She settled her hand on my shoulder, towering above me as I stayed in a kneeling position. She must have known that I was thinking that if I were still in my old house, this probably would’ve been me that had been dragged out of the river. Instead, it was some poor, unsuspecting guy who probably didn’t do anything wrong. “We’ll wrap this up quickly so you can head back home. I’ll deal with the Mazerene side of things if you want to talk to the detective.”

Again, the thoughts of returning to Hell crept back into my head. Richard’s vampires and the BRF had encroached on what used to be my territory, and the only reason they had was because they thought I was still there. If they found out where I really was, they could have gotten to Cade and murdered her. My sister’s face flashed in my head, and I had to look up at Goldie to distract myself. “Yeah, I’ll talk to them, then get out of here. I need to tell Cadence they came out this way. She’s going to be pissed.”

“You can’t hide this from her, though.” She gave my shoulder a light squeeze, then allowed me to stand. Her eyes were sad, a line drawn on her lips. “Mew, you know this wasn’t your fault, right? You would’ve been dead if you had been here. His death has nothing to do with you. They would’ve gotten to him right after you.”

I blinked, weary and focused on the body on the ground. Murdered for existing as a demon. Just another body on the growing list of those slaughtered by the radical BRF members. I couldn’t remember now if he was the fifth or the sixth, and those are only the ones we knew about. There could have been more demons out there, tucked away between boulders or rotting away beneath water. Asking them to uproot their lives and return to Hell was as difficult as getting me to do the same. It should have been an obvious answer, going back home to a place where we were safe.

But there was so much here to stay for, including the idiot vampire that kept me out until three that previous morning, talking. I hadn’t wanted to leave, as annoying as that was to admit.

The entirety of my chest was hot.

Besides the material and emotional reasons for staying on Earth, there was also the red tape. Getting to Hell and eventually coming back to Earth was, well, Hell. Cade and I had visas to stay and work here since we had been here for so long, but there had been so many bureaucratic rules in Hell that changed who could just come and go. Some demons who went there likely couldn’t have made it back if they wanted to.

Those thoughts kept my mind busy while I investigated the body at the morgue, just like the last body that Felix and I had stumbled upon by the rest stop. That had taken about two hours. This was already being wrapped up in about an hour. The ME didn’t ask any questions as I did the examination, only removing organs and taking her notes as I took my own. Like with every other examiner, I knew she wanted to ask me questions on my notes and what we had gathered so far. I could only tell her that it was under special investigation and to make sure the body was nicely sewn up for the funeral.

Sometimes I wondered about the humans who worked directly with us and what they knew about MMES, what lies Akiya and Colin had spun for them to protect them from the supernatural world. If I were in their positions, I would have been demanding answers and finding out everything I could about this weird, mysterious group that just swung into circumstantial murders and never mentioned another word about it.

I didn’t realize how bad the anxiety was until I was sitting in the driver’s seat of my car, fingers too tight on the steering wheel and a twitch in my left eye. The lack of sleep wasn’t adding anything. And when I finally got home and found Cade sitting on the swing out on the porch, her jacket wrapped tightly around her, I wanted to curl up in my trunk and put a brick on the gas pedal, right at the edge of a cliff. She never looked this tense, her back straight and her arms crossed over herself when she stood to greet me. “Mew—”

“Cade, what’s happening?” I asked, grabbing her elbows, trying to move her aside so that I could get into the house.

“Let me talk, stupid,” she snapped, her face falling as soon as she did. “Sorry. Mom and Dad. They’re inside. Mew, they heard about the murders and are here because of that.” Her body half-turned to look back at the house. “Apparently word started spreading. Demons were getting calls from family members here on Earth, and that spread around Gehanna. You know secrets never stay secret for too long there. But they don’t know that you were working on the case, just that we had to move to live closer to Felix.”

“Fuck, and I had to go check out another body that was found close to our old place,” I explained, pinching the bridge of my nose and closing my eyes. I sighed. My magic heated up my stomach. “How long have they been here?”

“About fifteen minutes. I had to come outside because you know how Mom gets.” Cade rolled her eyes and started back up the stairs to the porch. “You ready?”

“Nope,” I responded, walking past her to open the front door.

Mom was standing in the kitchen, running her finger over the names of the cereals and boxed items we had. She was adorned in her usual layers of makeup, her hair curled and shiny, resembling Cadence’s when she felt like getting done up. As always, there was the look of anger and disappointment, a face I had grown up with, accustomed to seeing it whenever she talked to me. “Bartholomew,” she greeted, turning to face me, her blue power suit giving her a dominating appearance. Definitely my Dad’s soulmate.

“Mother,” I responded, standing in the open doorway, unsure if I should move or not. Skippy and Connie were both curled up on the sectional, unaware of the tension that was filling the room. I envied them.

Stepping away from the pantry, she turned her attention to our cabinets, examining our dishware and cookware. “You and your sister failed to inform us of the murders occurring in this state. Were you ever going to let us in on that?” So we weren’t doing niceties, then. That was fine. She was already past the point of trying to appease her, her eyes burgundy and her frown lines strong.

“I felt that it wasn’t important enough to tell you about. If Mazerene didn’t directly contact Gehanna, then I didn’t need to, either.” I wasn’t sure what to do with my hands, so I stood there rigidly with them cupped in front of me. “What exactly are you doing here? Where’s Dad?”

“In your room, packing a bag for you,” she responded, slamming our silverware drawer shut. “Your father and I have decided it’s best to bring you back to Gehanna in the meantime and let someone else worry about this vampire cult that’s killing all those poor, innocent demons. You don’t need to be wrapped up in this mess.” Her voice was low and slow, a voice I had grown to loathe over the years. It was toxic, just like our relationship with each other.

Fire burnt in my stomach while magic rushed to my fingers. Even her warning glare didn’t stop me. “You have no goddamn right to take Cadence and I back there. We have a life here that we’ve spent twenty years cultivating.” I didn’t dare move from my spot in the living room, my sister hiding behind me, her hand between my shoulder blades. I felt her trembling. Maybe it was me.

“Yes, I noticed that you’ve moved, which you both thought not to tell us. Your sister also mentioned that you have your friends on Mazerene and here in this state. But it’s not worth getting killed over, now, is it, darling?” She clasped her hands together and exhaled at the same time my dad emerged from the hallway that led into my bedroom and Cade’s office. “We can get a fresh start back home. Now your father only packed a bag each for you since you have your wardrobe at home still. I assume you haven’t gained too much weight living with the humans.” Burgundy eyes observed my physique to confirm her suspicion.

“How did you even get to Earth, anyway? Whose ass did you have to kiss to get here for such a stupid reason?” I asked, picking up Skippy, needing something soft to pet and to give myself a mental break. My anxiety medication was still in my bedroom, I was sure, since my dad had never even wanted me to get it in the first place.

“You know we have our connections,” Dad responded carefully, winking at me as if it was cool that he was being extraordinarily sketchy. “Cadence, your bag is packed in your room if you’d like to grab it.”

“Text Felix and Goldie,” I whispered to my sister before she started to her room, my eyes locked on my parents. If she had a moment, she had to get a text to them since if I would have retrieved my phone to do it myself, Mom would have started the questioning. She didn’t need to know my friends, especially with one of them being a vampire.

Did I really want to consider Felix a friend now?

Not the issue here, I thought to myself. “You understand that this is technically an abduction, right? The Mazerene court won’t be too happy with this.” Absolute bullshit. Akiya and Colin would tell me this case held no water and would dismiss it immediately. My parents, though, were still unsure about how that legal system worked, despite having both of their kids work solely at that location during their whole time on Earth. Healthy parent-child relationship, who?

“Well, when we’re down in Hell, we’ll see how the court system differs from. . . that place’s,” Dad responded, smirking a bit. I had grown up with the urge to always punch my dad, but it was stronger than ever now, especially with not having seen him in about eight years. “I believe our system is a little more refined than a place that has to make accommodations for all of those other creatures out there.”

An incredulous laugh came out of me that I should have stopped with the way Mom was glaring at me now. “That’s some elitist bullshit, man, even for you.”

“Hopefully, some time back home will help cleanse that rude mouth of yours,” Mom muttered, standing beside Dad now. “You’ll have to find someone to take care of those cats, too. I’m not having my house ruined by animals.”

“We can’t take our cats?” Cade asked, suitcase in her hand, standing in her doorway. “Mom, those are our babies. We can’t just leave them here alone.”

“Throw them outside and let them fend for themselves. They’re cats—they’ll be fine.” Mom waved us off, Cade and I staring at each other, silently asking what the fuck was happening.

I know Cade had probably gotten a text to Goldie and Felix, but I didn’t feel right with that being the only form of communication. I didn’t know how long this would be. Someone had to watch our cats and worry about us. “Let me make sure I have everything I need before we go, at least,” I said softly, patting my back pocket to check that my phone didn’t magically walk off.

“Make it fast, please. I have a dinner planned for us tonight and still have some preparation,” Mom responded, finger skimming our bookcase, sneering in disgust at our collection of true crime biographies and mystery novels.

It was hard finding Goldie’s contact with trembling fingers. I had to sit in my closet to be sure my parents couldn’t hear me, huddled in the corner with my winter coats and hoodies muffling my voice. “Goldie, thank fuck,” I whispered when she answered, already giving me a slew of questions that I couldn’t answer quickly enough. “Hey, slow down. I don’t have a lot of time and still have to call Felix.”

“Barty, what the hell is going to happen? They can’t just take you away!” I hated when she was upset like this. It was rare to hear so much distress in her voice, not this much. Her seeing me in the hospital was the last time she had sounded like this.

“I don’t know how long this will be. I’m gonna try to get us back ASAP since you know I sure as fuck don’t want to be there.” I couldn’t make any promises to her, not when I didn’t have any idea if I’d be trapped there or not. “We don’t really get cell service in Hell, or at least not on my current plan. But we can still send snail mail, so make sure you’re actually checking your mail and not just leaving it for days on end.”

She sighed. “Barty, what are we going to do while you’re gone?”

“You’re going to feed our cats and check our mail. Think of us going on a vacation.” I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. “Goldie, please stay safe. Stay with Felix if you get too lonely or afraid or anything like that. He’ll keep an eye on you.”

“I know,” she muttered, sounding as if she was trying to fight back tears. A little dramatic, the two of us. A double helping of “extremely extra”. It’s why I loved her. She was really the best friend ever. “I’ll check on the cats every day and make sure I get my mail. If you’re not back by Halloween, Barty, I’ll go down there myself and drag you up by your collar, you hear me?”

I snorted and leaned my head against the wall. “I don’t doubt that.” My throat was restricted now, the panic having started up again. “Love you, Goldie. Stay safe.”

“You too, Barty. See you as soon as you’re back.”

Felix’s call was much easier since it went straight to voicemail. “Hey, it’s me. I’m really fucking bad at voicemails; you know this by now. Um, my parents are currently in my living room and about to take me and Cadence back to Hell. They heard about the murders. I don’t know how long we’ll be there. I already filled Goldie in, but we need someone to watch Connie and Skippy, and you can’t text or call us, but I can at least send letters.” Once again, I wasn’t sure how to end this because there was so much I wanted to say but couldn’t put my words in order. “I’ll try to be back before Halloween since you owe me a date. Don’t go off and find another demon you like or anything like that because I’ll kick your ass if I find out. Um, I’ll talk to you later, then. Yeah. Bye.”

I downed a single Klonopin just in time for my dad to open my bedroom door, careful about knocking his horns on the top of the door frame. “Are you ready?”

Shrugging, I shoved my orange prescription bottle in my jacket pocket and followed him out of the room. Mom and Cadence did one last inspection of the house to make sure there weren’t any candles burning or unlocked windows. Goldie already had a spare key, so she would be fine to get in to feed the cats. The muscles in my neck and shoulders were tight as Dad drew the portal to Gehanna, Skippy and Connie staring at us now, blinking and meowing, as confused as I was.

“We’ll be back,” I whispered to them, Cadence now gripping onto my hand.

“We will be,” my sister assured me, uncertainty heavy in her voice. “We got here once; we’ll be back again.”

According to Dante, there’s nine circles of Hell, each level a place of punishment for different sins. That sonofabitch never visited Hell a day in his life or else he would have known there’s only three levels of Gehanna: Astonita, where normies lived, Albonitia, the home of generals and other members of the military, and Cavatri, the level of Satan when he used to have a physical form. I’ll even throw the dead bastard a bone and count Limbo as a fourth, which he thought was the first.

The torture, though -- now that’s accurate. Souls of the damned went through daily agony, and I was so damn lucky to be on that second level of Hell with them because of my dear old dad being a general. Listening to the eternal screams of tormented souls added that extra bit of razzle-dazzle to my breakfast time that I didn’t get on Earth.

As a kid, Mom and Dad wanted so badly for Cade and me to get involved with the military so we could carry on the family line of punishers. It’s every child’s dream, right up there with president and astronaut.

No surprise to anyone, I ended up dashing their dreams on the concrete, bringing Cadence with me when I decided, ’hey, let’s look at the dead bodies before we see their souls back in Hell!’. I enjoyed ticking off boxes on the list of “Things That Piss Off My Family”. The enthusiasm for this was slowly beginning to fade, however, on the fourth day of being there. It’s like they knew they could break my spirit by bringing me back to my childhood home.

It was the same home where I had blown up my bedroom as a child because I allowed my emotions and magic to leave my control. The same home where my mom had hosted hundreds of parties, all while finding unique and creative ways to keep my presence scarce. I was especially fond of the memories here of my dad screaming in my face that I was a disgrace to his bloodline and that Cadence was the better use of his sperm.

Such good times.

Felix would tell me I was being too hard on myself. Goldie would brave giving me a hug and offer to buy me a coffee. My old therapist would tell me that this was a wonderful opportunity to work through the traumas of my childhood and finally be more assertive with my family.

“Hey, you’ve got that look on your face,” Cade commented, popping her head into my bedroom.

“What look? It’s just my face.”

“No, it’s the one where you look like you’re contemplating what to write in your suicide note. Make sure you include how I was not the cause of your death because I was nothing but a loving, doting sister.” My loving, doting, extremely humble sister stepped further into my bedroom and collapsed onto the bed beside me. “I bought a book of stamps and enchanted a bunch of envelopes, so Mom and Dad won’t know we’re getting letters from Earth. Wanna write to Goldie and Fee?”

I clawed at my nails. They had been ripped to jagged shreds, and my cuticles and the surrounding skin was torn and scabbed. “We probably should. I’m not feeling up to it yet, though.” Because I wasn’t sure what to say to them at this point. I could have asked about the cats. Then what? This wasn’t exactly a casual pen-pal letter where I could describe what my city or state was like and what hobbies I enjoyed. I wondered what prisoners wrote about during their incarceration.

Okay, maybe that’s dramatic. If I were any prisoner, I’d be Al Capone with that ritzy-ass prison cell on Alcatraz. It wasn’t that awful.

“How ’bout you narrate, and I’ll write it down?” Cade suggested, sitting up. Her hair was done in two pigtail buns, tied around the curved ivory horns at the crown of her skull. It was the most effort she had put into her hair in ages. I noticed the addition of mascara and blush, too, always a feature whenever she was around Mom. Even her leggings that she wore were name brand instead of some pair she found on the clearance rack at Target.

“Dear Goldie,” I started, covering my eyes with my hands and pressing the balls of them into the sockets. “How do I miss thee? Let me count the ways.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Cadence laughed, hitting my thigh. “If you’re not going to dictate better shit, you can do this on your own. I have better stuff to do than deal with your dumbass.”

“Like what, kiss Mom’s ass and help her prepare this welcome home party she’s hosting? Run along, then, mini-Adelaide.” I clapped demandingly for emphasis. The second those words came out of my mouth, I knew I had gone too far. Comparing her to Mom was a low blow.

“You’re being a dick,” my sister snapped, hurt in her voice. “I know you’re mad about this because so am I, but I’m trying to make things easier on you. I’ll leave you alone if you want but be nice about it.” She stood to leave, making a big scene of it by smoothing out her shirt and rolling her neck, knowing damn well that the guilt would trickle in and I’d ask her to stay. It was no surprise when it happened, and she took her place next to me again. Her lower lip was still sticking out and her eyes were interested in every aspect of my room except for me.

“Cade,” I said softly, sitting up and leaning into her arm. She stiffened and sniffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “I promise to stop being an asshole until we get back home. I won’t even be sarcastic or anything like that with you.”

Her jaw relaxed some, but she maintained the pout. “I guess I can stop being a bitch, too.” Her pointed stare challenged me to give a snappy response, a smile forming on her face when she got a knowing smirk from me. She nudged my shoulder with her own, and both of us lied back on my king-sized bed, staring up at the marble ceiling, wondering if we could identify different faces in the swirled patterns. We did this as kids, staring at the ceiling for hours and making up stories together from the pareidolia effect happening.

Times weren’t always shitty when I was younger.

“Whaddya think Goldie and Felix are up to?” Cadence asked, moving her arms up under her head.

I tried thinking creatively, wishing they were up to something exciting, anything that could help me mentally escape this place. I tried picturing my best friend tending to her garden, or if it was nighttime, her and Felix holed up in his living room to watch 90 Day Fiancé. In Hell, it was impossible to tell the time without a clock since it was eternal dusk. The sun was always peeking over the horizon, giving everything a golden-red tone. It made sleeping without blackout curtains impossible. “They’re probably both on Mazerene, honestly,” I finally answered, realizing I had been silent for too long. “We’re gone, but they still have a case to solve.”

Cade blew a raspberry and scratched at her forehead. “That’s so lame. You could have made something up to entertain me.”

I rolled my eyes. “They’re skydiving into a pool of sharks. Is that what you want to hear?”

“Goldie would never jump from a plane, you know that.” Her swallow interrupted the silence that had engulfed us. We had run out of things to talk about these past few days, having spent the first two days bitching and moaning to each other until late hours, whispering to each other in her bedroom, then getting bored and moving into the kitchen, and finally ending up in my room once again.

Cadence had tried to be productive. She spent several hours each day attempting to weasel her way onto Mom’s good side, helping her with preparing our very own Welcome Home party, going out to lunch with her, and trying to be a good daughter. It wasn’t altruistic by any means since this was her ploy to get us back to Earth. Still, at least an attempt had been made. She had that over me.

On my end, I had spoken to Dad three times and Mom five times since coming back to Gehanna. Neither were pleasant, partly because I had nothing encouraging or helpful to add to their conversation or questions. All my responses ended in a cold glare from my father and a tight-lipped sneer from my mother. Just like being a kid again.

Maybe it’s why I associated myself with people who were the opposite of that, all so I could avoid having similar treatment from my childhood. I hung out with Goldie, who was warmth incarnate, someone who cared if I was having an off day and always knew when I needed a drink. And fuckin’ Felix. I was supposed to be thinking that this guy was as interesting as white wallpaper, and he shows out with this whole intriguing side of him with him being a spy and all that shit. Completely out of left field. Fuck, did he know how to deal with my bullshit.

“You wanna go get some paper? I’ll write the letters since my handwriting is better than yours,” I offered, bumping the back of my hand to my sister’s arm.

“It so is not,” she laughed, sitting up form her spot next to me. “I’ll be right back.”

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