Chain Gang All Stars
: Part 3: Chapter 44

Thurwar was forced into the back of a cramped space with Bad Water. The soldier-police were punishing her, it seemed, for the chaos that had erupted, and so had pulled her away from Staxxx. Now her knees pressed against Plexiglas in the backseat of a police vehicle and Walter Bad Water was staring at her.

“I’m not crying,” Thurwar said as she wept.

“I know you’re not,” Bad Water said. And he looked out the window as the rest of A-Hamm got shoved into similar cars.

Thurwar couldn’t see exactly where Staxxx was. She thought about how soon the time would come when they’d be apart forever. She cried so hard her body shuddered as the car began to roll onto the road.

“I’m not supposed to be here,” Bad Water said, speaking over the muffled sound of Thurwar’s sorrow. “My M is a lie. Never killed nobody until all this.”

Thurwar felt her mind jump away from the bleeding sorrow in her chest. She said nothing for some time, then, “Why’d you sign?”

It was a question with an obvious answer, but she needed to escape into the distraction.

“I signed because I was innocent, and I was tired.” They were all so tired.

Thurwar looked at Bad Water. He would surely die soon. Had been a little bit killed already. She’d ignored him because he’d become friendly with Puddles and because he didn’t carry the will necessary to survive in this space. She was repulsed by how completely unfit he was to be there. She also admired how resolute he was in his unfitness. But the fact that he had somehow stumbled his way into four wins on the BattleGround was an insult to everything she was.

“I’m different,” Thurwar said. “My M is the truth. I killed somebody. A woman named Vanessa. She was beautiful, sweet. I destroyed that.”

After they were quiet for a while Bad Water said, “I saw Staxxx do it. On BlackOut. They were far off but I could see.”

Thurwar said nothing.

“Sunset wanted it. I could tell. He did it, just seemed like he wanted her help. Staxxx didn’t do anything, not really.”

“Thank you,” Thurwar said. The world ran past their windows.

“Why’d you sign?” Bad Water asked. This was the most they’d ever spoken.

“Because, I—” Thurwar thought of all the lies she’d told in regard to this question and how everybody’s true answer was some version of the same thing. “I was in a lot of pain,” Thurwar said. She stared at Bad Water as Staxxx’s hometown slid behind him. She looked at his face, his stubbled jaw, clear eyes, and watched as his crusting lips curled into a smile. He began to laugh, harder and harder.

Thurwar watched him, then smiled and coughed some small laughs herself.

“Right,” she said.

And they rode the rest of the way, sometimes laughing, sometimes silent.

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