Chain Gang All Stars
: Part 3: Chapter 42

“So you didn’t kill him?” Thurwar said. Staxxx squeezed Thurwar’s hand, which was limp, then Thurwar squeezed hard back. The truth hurt her but also it felt, to Thurwar, like she was being told a story she’d forgotten. One she’d always known.

“Didn’t I? I didn’t save him,” Staxxx said. “But maybe I saved someone else. If I didn’t own it someone would have died for it. He knew what he represented to people. He didn’t want them to know what he’d chosen. I was keeping a secret for him.”

“What I don’t understand”—Thurwar tried to breathe and struggled—“is why you—what do I have to be for you to trust me? Why wouldn’t you trust me with this?”

There were the sounds of bullets being fired into droves of protestors, the men shooting them urging calm. Everyone was crying because of the tear gas that the soldier-police had thrown all over the farmers market.^[*1] It had settled into their huddle and now it was difficult to see; to breathe was to hurt.

“I wanted to put our new way of being into practice. To tell you and everybody, ‘Look what I did,’ and ask you to forgive me. And you have. I wanted them to see that.”

Thurwar knew by “them” she meant the viewers. The people who ate popcorn while Links died.

“I want you to care about me and not them,” Thurwar said, crying, as most everyone left in the market was.

“I care about all of it,” Staxxx said.

She wanted to be upset but the tears and the moment made her feel something much greater than anger. She brought a hand to Staxxx’s neck and pulled her closer so she could kiss her forehead.

“I’m sorry you had to do that. I’m sorry he asked you to. I’m sorry he asked you and not me.”

Staxxx heard this and tried to breathe and squeezed Thurwar’s hand.

“Us,” she said.

The crowds had largely dispersed. All that remained was a few small groups huddled together, protecting the Links, and the soldier-police and the especially excited fans, who were happy to hit someone under the cloak of chaos. The protestors around Staxxx and Thurwar coughed but stood firmly together. The police begged again for peace as they rolled their tanks forward.

Staxxx righted herself and surveyed the scene. She felt hurt but also revived in telling Thurwar the truth. She felt relieved to know that Thurwar had known what was coming and that their end was not a secret she’d have to carry alone, hadn’t carried alone. It was still them even then. As a pair, they were full of destiny; that they could never deny.

People were fleeing west and it seemed the police were letting them. A few they shot with their rubber bullets in the back, but they were far more concerned with clearing the space and retrieving the Links. The wail of approaching paramedics almost drowned out the sound of the fading chaos.

“Probably a good idea for all of you to get going, huh?” Staxxx said. She touched Kai at the shoulder. “You all get home okay, all right?”

Kai nodded and the huddle quickly collapsed. Staxxx coughed loudly, then smiled. “Thank you,” she said.

Mari extended an arm down and saw the lines on Thurwar’s wrists. The control installed into her body. Thurwar took her arm, tearing up and coughing. Standing, she towered over Mari, looked down at her warmly, holding her hand in hers, the girl’s small but not very soft.

“Thank you,” Thurwar said. “It means a lot.”

Mari looked her in the eye and said, “Thank you. You knew my father. Sha—Sunset. Thank you for helping him.” Thurwar heard the woman, this young woman whom Sunset had imagined and hoped over and dreamed about and cried over. “We’re all with you. My name is—”

“Marissa,” Thurwar said. “He talked about you all the time.”

“I know,” Mari said. Staxxx watched and listened.

Then they released each other.

Staxxx and Mari shared a gaze, their eyes each full of tears. Mari and the woman who she believed had killed her father.

Staxxx began, “I—”

But Mari lunged at Staxxx before she could continue.

“Whatever it is, it’s okay.” And Mari hugged into Staxxx and Staxxx hugged her back and they cried, and though it was hard to breathe they tried to breathe each other in.

The sounds of gunfire got closer and additional canisters of gas exploded near the group.

“Time for y’all to head out,” Thurwar said.

“Okay,” Mari said as Kai watched.

“Thank you,” Kai said to Thurwar. She nodded at Staxxx but said nothing to her.

Then the sudden family dissolved. Mari and the coalition left, moved in the direction that the soldier-police were ushering them in. Thurwar looked at her wrists, the glowing lines, thought of the anguish she had held. Thought of how Staxxx had lied and lied again and how she loved her the same, or more.

“Wanna make a run for it?” Thurwar said.

“Wherever you go, I’ll go,” Staxxx said.

They walked several yards to a place where the air seemed a little clearer and sat on the grass to watch the soldier-police beat and restrain and beat again anyone who had not evacuated. Their wrists soon flashed a blinking triple red, which meant they couldn’t move much if they wanted to.

Their eyes and lungs burned.

“All this?” Thurwar said, surveying the wreckage. She saw that a few soldier-police had ID’d them and were coming their way.

“We’re a big deal, you know?” Staxxx said. She rested her head on Thurwar’s shoulder. “I’ve been here before. I thought being back would make me feel something. And it does, but not like I thought.”

“What’s it feel like?” Thurwar asked, her eyes closed.

“I feel like this place isn’t my home. You know, my family, they don’t think of me. They’re not here anymore. One died when I was inside.”

“I remember.”

“The other left, was never seen again here, in the town that knew her daughter was a murderer.”

“What else?” Thurwar said, her body frozen.

Staxxx waited, then said, “I’m scared, but also kind of proud? Look at all this. They heard me. They heard us.”

Thurwar took in the chaos with their names on it. Maybe they had.

She laughed. “Wait a second, isn’t that your mom right there?” Thurwar asked, pointing across the market.

Staxxx picked her head up, looked out at the wild field of people.

“Fuck you,” she said, smiling.

Thurwar was glad to know that even in that moment she could still bring a smile to Staxxx’s face.

“But what if she was here? What would you say?” Thurwar asked.

“I’d say, ‘Mama, these people love me. I wish you did too.’ ” Thurwar watched Staxxx thinking. “I’d say I did what I did because that man tried to take something from my body. I’d say, ‘Mama, they’re gonna make me kill this woman I love ’cause they think it will be the greatest entertainment event in the history of mankind.’ ”

The police tased anyone still left in the market. Their bodies fell, writhed. Some got up, some lay still.^[*2]

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Thurwar asked.

“Because after Sun was gone, I wanted to enjoy you the old way. Just like you wanted. And because a part of us maybe already knew this was coming. Nothing as good as us could exist here.”

The soldier-police had wrangled most of the people they wanted and headed toward Staxxx and Thurwar.

“I want you to say you’re terrified. Because I’m terrified. I want you to tell me what to do,” Thurwar cried, and she felt so much at once she was already trying to bottle the feeling, because to survive she had to curate. Curate everything. But this she delivered raw.

“You know what we have to do. You’re going to live. And I will too.”

“No. Say exactly what you mean.” Thurwar was desperate. They would only have a few more seconds before they were pulled into some van. “What are we going to do?”

“You know what you’re going to do. You’re not going to get destroyed by them. I’m not going to let you get Influenced again,” Staxxx said. “You know the answer, so you tell me what we’re going to do.”

Thurwar let the feeling of being crushed be her body.

“We’re going to fight each other. We’re going to try.”

“Exactly that,” Staxxx said. “Also, T, if my mother were here, I would tell her to go to hell. And that I’m an electric field and I was the one who killed Sunset. And he was one of the best men I ever knew. And I love this lady here and I am the Hurricane.”

And then the soldier-police pulled them up from the ground and there was purple glowing on Thurwar’s wrist again, and her hands were forced to clasp together. She wished she had Hass Omaha just so she could have something to hold on to besides herself. They were led to a transport van, and she rubbed her shoulder into Staxxx’s side as they walked and Staxxx rubbed back.

*1 Protocol for the Prohibition of the Use in War of Asphyxiating, Poisonous or Other Gases, and of Bacteriological Methods of Warfare

Signed at Geneva June 17, 1925

Entered into force February 8, 1928

Ratification advised by the U.S. Senate December 16, 1974

Ratified by U.S. President January 22, 1975

U.S. ratification deposited with the

Government of France April 10, 1975

Proclaimed by U.S. President April 29, 1975

The Undersigned Plenipotentiaries, in the name of their respective Governments:

Whereas the use in war of asphyxiating, poisonous or other gases, and of all analogous liquids, materials or devices, has been justly condemned by the general opinion of the civilized world; and

Whereas the prohibition of such use has been declared in Treaties to which the majority of Powers of the World are Parties; and

To the end that this prohibition shall be universally accepted as a part of International Law, binding alike the conscience and the practice of nations.

Tear gas has been deemed a “riot control agent,” which exempts it from chemical weapons law. As such, it is regularly used by police on citizens in city streets, while still being prohibited from war zones.

*2 Tasers can kill. On January 4, 2020, in Spring Valley, Rockland County, New York, Tina Davis was killed by police. They tased her and she died because of it. Her name was Tina Davis.

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