Blood and Reign (Blood and Ruin Series Book 3)
Blood and Reign: Chapter 17

AXEL

What the fuck? Why am I… here?

I glance around at my old bedroom. The shitty gray carpet and curtains that I was sure weren’t their original color, the broken window that always leaked in the winter, and the second-hand small drawers that fit all my belongings, with space.

Fuck. I hate this place and everything that comes along with it. I hate my aunt and what she put me through for just existing.

She wasn’t even my fucking aunt, not by blood or any other means for that matter. Just someone my sperm donor and step-bitch paid off to get rid of me.

What they put me through at least had an expiry date. Once I was gone, I thought the bad shit was finally over. But then another nightmare began.

I traded torture for beatings by new men every week and an aunt who couldn’t give two shits about me or whether I starved or keeled over and died.

That was probably what the bitch wanted, anyway.

Why the fuck am I here? How did I get here?

Last thing I remember was the cave and fighting the demons in the pit with Jax, then everything went black.

Is this really my room or just another one of their games?

I move over to the door, but it’s locked. I slam my foot against it a couple of times, but unlike my actual room, the door stays in place as if I barely touched it.

So just another game then.

Fucking Ivor and Soren. I don’t know what they’re playing at, but when I get the fuck out of here, they’re going to be playing my games. The kind where both of them become nothing but fucking ash.

I try to shift, but just like in the cave or that room, it’s useless. I can’t even hear my dragon making me feel more alone than I have in a long time.

I shake off my weak ass thoughts and head for the window, ready to smash my way out, but just like the door, it barely fucking shakes.

Over these shitty games, I start upending the room, thrashing my bed and drawers, but within seconds it’s back to normal, as if the room was never touched.

Damn it.

Glancing around the room brings back a shit ton of memories I thought were well buried, making me feel like that weak little boy all over again. The one who just wanted someone to fucking love him.

Fuck, I would’ve taken someone who just cared.

“It’s because you were never enough.”

What the—I whip around trying to find the voice, but there’s no one in this shitty room but me.

“Let me the fuck out!” I wait, but the sound of my heavy breathing is my only reply. I’m about to upend the room again, if only to release some of this pent-up energy when the fucker speaks again.

“You’re never getting out of here.” It’s followed by a chuckle, making me want to rip the entire house apart before burning it to the ground.

“Fuck you! I’m over your fucking games. Come out and let’s end this.”

The chuckle grows before disappearing. I’m seething by the time it speaks up again.

“You were never enough.” The rage drains from me, turning to ice at the sound of Luka’s voice. But it couldn’t be him. There’s no way Luka would talk to me like that.

“Maybe not to your face.” The voice changes to Jax’s, laughing once again. But this time the anger doesn’t come, instead his words hit too close to home as they drag up old doubts and fears.

“I’m sick of your bullshit. I’m over it. You should have never been part of this family.”

I squeeze my eyes tight, shaking my head.

It’s just their mind games. It’s not real. Luka would never…

But that little doubt in the back of my head grows louder with the voices until the fears and doubts I hide deep within rise to the surface like a fucking tidal wave.

“Stop it.”

“You know it’s true.” This time the voice is Kai’s and fuck if it doesn’t hurt even more coming from him.

“We never wanted you to be a part of our family. It was pity that made us take you in. Nothing more. It’s time for you to leave.”

“Fuck. Off.” My hands are shaking as I fist them, my entire body as stiff as a board as I try to get the fuck out of the mental trap I placed myself in.

Kai would never say that. I’m their family, their brother.

“You’re nothing.” It’s Rion this time announcing my fears before changing to the others.

“You meant nothing when you were born, and you’re still nothing.” Louder and louder their voices get until I can’t take it anymore. The voices become too much, all sounding like my fucking worse nightmares coming to life.

“You don’t belong with us. You’re weak.”

I’m not weak. I’m not! I work fucking hard to make sure I never am. To never let them see the weak little boy I once was.

“But you are. We all see it. We always have.”

Kai’s voice is soft, almost like he can’t bear to tell me the truth. As if all this is actually real and not some fucked up illusion.

Even my dark heart feels fucking battered and bruised. My chest is tight, my stomach twisted in knots. This may not be real, but every part of my body contradicts it.

I try to focus on something… anything other than the shitty voices beating me down making me feel worthless.

“You are worthless.”

My hands start to shake, my mind running a mile a minute as Kai’s words hit me hard.

Worthless… Maybe, maybe he’s—

No. I squeeze my eyes tight, clenching my fists. I can’t let them get to me… I can’t—

“I don’t want to be with someone like you. I don’t love you. I never have.” Kiarra’s voice is the last straw as my knees slam to the floor, my hands catching myself as I bend over.

Fuck.

Maybe they’re right and I am fucking weak. I sure as hell feel it right now.

The pain from each of their words plays on repeat in my mind, each one a physical assault on my mind and body. Over and over until Kiarra’s last words nail it all home.

I was a piece of shit then, and I’m a piece of shit now. Why the fuck would they want someone like me to be in their family anyway?

What the fuck do I bring to it?

Just when I think it can’t get any worse, the bedroom door opens and in walks one of the dead beats from my past.

“Nothin’. You bring nothin’ to this family or any other. You never have. And I’m about to show you why.”

Jones, one of the few men that bitch had around longer than a couple of weeks, stands before me, his belt in hand ready to use against me like every time before.

I start shaking as if I’m that little boy waiting for the first slash of pain.

I catch a shadow out of the corner of my eye and glance over at the door. The bitch stands there with a fucking smirk on her face, enjoying the fear all over mine.

But why the fuck am I afraid of them? I’m not that little boy anymore.

Just as the thought crosses my mind, I feel something inside me shift. I glance down at my hands and watch as they shrink before my eyes. My whole body changes as time rewinds and I turn back into that little boy I once was. Weak, malnourished, and nothing but skin and bone.

Fear strikes my chest as I glance up, the smug smirk on his face growing along with him as he steps forward, looking more like the tormentor he always was.

“It’s about time I taught you a lesson.”

You’re not a little kid anymore. I try telling myself that, but the little frail body I’m in starts shaking as Jonas’s large figure starts moving toward me.

Just like when I was a little boy, I raise my arms and squeeze my eyes tight, hoping it will all be over soon.

But it never was…

There was only ever darkness and pain with no light and no way out… not until the others came along. Not until Kiarra…

“You’re mine. You’ll always be mine.” Kiarra’s soft voice filters through the haze making me pause. Why would the voice…

But I realize it’s not the voice speaking to me again but a thought from inside my mind. A memory from when we were together.

I hold on to it and another rises up.

“We stick together.”

I grasp the next one and let each of my family’s true voices wash over me until they drown out my doubts and fears this game has conjured up. I let them play on repeat until I start believing them myself. Until I can feel each one inside my broken soul.

“We’re a family. Always and forever.”

More and more memories filter through my brain as the looming shadow of Jonas’s body steps in front of me, pulling the belt back. Just as he raises his hand, the belt swinging in it; I hear one more memory that snaps me out of the frozen state I’m in.

“You annoy the hell out of me, but I fucking love you, brother.”

I’m not that weak little kid anymore. The one who can’t protect himself. I stare up at the fucking dickhead in front of me, his smug smirk slightly wavering as I come to my damn senses.

I’m a powerful alpha dragon with an even more powerful family at my back.

Once I realize that and feel it in my very soul, my body shifts from the little boy I used to be, to the man I am now.

I stand up to the dead beat in front of me and punch the fucker square in the face. He drops to the ground like a dead weight.

Looking at him now, sprawled out and moaning, I see how small and insignificant he really is and how that’s always what he was. Small and insignificant, just like all the rest of the people who tried to beat me down in this world.

Jonas tries to get back up, stumbling a couple of times, but I’m over these games.

Well-and-fucking-truly over it.

One last hard punch and the fucker is out, disappearing into a puff of smoke. I glance over at the bitch as the smug smile drops from her face, just before she fucks off too.

I glance around at the room as it slowly disappears too, knowing that it won’t be long before I join it. This fucked up mind game over for now.

The bed and dresser start to turn to smoke and dust, leaving the room bare as it becomes nothing but shades of gray. It’s so similar to the shitty life I once lived. All kinds of different fucked up shades of gray.

But just like gray can’t be created without a lighter shade, my life wasn’t all that dark. It had moments of light, especially when my real family came into it.

I’ve always felt like I was never enough. That maybe my shitty attitude will push them too far. Or that maybe my past will drag them down. But in reality, they’ve never pushed me away for being a grumpy ass. They never acted differently when I pushed them too far. Or treated me any differently than anyone of them.

It’s me and only me who thought that, and it’s only ever been me that doubts them.

The sperm donor never accepted me, even when I was born with his special fucking blood. Something that’s supposed to be respected and revered.

Whereas my real family, my mate and brothers, accept me unconditionally. Even when I make shitty decisions and fuck up so bad, I hate looking at myself in the mirror. Even when I say shitty things that make me feel like a piece of shit.

They accept me. All of me. And never question my place with them.

Never…

Just as I start to disappear, a sense of calm and peace settles over me.

I am enough. At least for my family… the family I chose, and that’s all that really matters.

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