Becoming Fae
Grief

Netiri

I thought I knew grief.

I’d felt it myself deeper than I thought was possible.

Nothing compared to Mary’s cries when my beloved returned to me, bloodied and burning with the blood-rage he had been created to harness, and two bodies in his arms. The stoic dark fairy mate of hers broke down to his knees, seeing his daughter that way. I broke apart.

Fae had fought Wrath and claimed the Throne, summoning the Legions to do her bidding just before... They swept through the Sidhe like the horde they were, eradicating Envy and her army that had been running through the demon encampment with ease. Then, just like that, they retreated, returning to their waiting until the next time they were called.

When Blaine and Immail met in the palace, Blaine told Immail what had happened. How he had seen Mal kill Fae, but Immail had been with Mal when he followed Fae in death. So, they hunted. Blaine devoured, and Immail destroyed until they found out the truth.

A Breaker. Fae was killed by a Breaker that had failed to find a way into her trust. Some kid that had been at the party when she made her Call that neither Ben nor Blaine knew of. From what I understand, the only thing left of the palace was a crater. A very deep crater and the Throne.

It’s been two days and tomorrow, Mal and Fae’s bodies will be escorted to the family tomb where they will remain while the rest of us continue living. Many of us were only alive because of them in the first place.

“My love,” I said, putting my hand on Immail’s shoulder. “Please. Come back to me.”

“Leave me,” he growled, the darkness swirling through his mind, shutting me out for the first time in ages.

“Never again,” I whispered, walking around his massive form to stand in front of him. “It pains me too much. Let me in, Ima.”

I felt the wall between falter for a moment at the use of my nickname for him, but it was enough to let me latch on and wiggle into his mind. We were Bonded. There was no keeping me out for long. Not when there was a way in.

“Stop it,” he hissed and stood up, stalking away from me angrily.

“This isn’t who you are anymore,” I called after him. Reminding him, hopefully, that there was more to him now than this violent need to destroy.

“It’s who I’ve always been. You've just kept it hidden from me,” he snapped and, though it did hurt me to hear him sound so cold and cruel, I knew better.

“It hurts me, too,” I said, watching him like he was a caged animal. “She saved my life. Now I can’t repay that debt.”

“It should have been me claiming that blasted thing!” he growled furiously.

“It wasn’t your path, my love,” I shook my head. “You have a different path than that now. One that surpasses what you were created for.”

“My soul is yours, but there is no heart. There never was,” he said bitterly.

“Your heart is here,” I put my hand on my chest. “It’s always belonged to me, and I will not give it back now after so long. Come back to me, please.”

“There is nothing left for you to love,” he said, giving me the same cold look that he had when we first met so long ago. Completely lacking any kind of emotion. And just like back then, I saw right through it.

“There is everything to love,” I moved closer and put my hand on his big chest and looked up into his beautiful eyes. “Fae was everything we had hoped our children would one day be and better. I know it hurts you, but she wouldn’t want us to shut down like this. She’d want us to live, to appreciate the chance she’s given with her sacrifice.”

He bared his teeth and tried to turn away, but you don’t spend countless centuries with someone and not pick up a few things. Like his greatest weakness. His ear lobe. The way it brought him to his knees had nothing to do with vulnerability, though. I just had to reach it, which was a bit of a feat when he was being stubborn like this.

But reach it I did, and he groaned as his knees buckled, eyes rolling in his head, and I giggled, never tiring of seeing how my touch affected him like this.

“Oh, Ima,” I smiled, running my hands over his broad shoulders around to tangle in his hair. “I love how you care so deeply for our children. Even the ones that came long after we stopped having them. I always knew that you would be a great father, but you constantly surprised me. Even now. This darkness of yours, my love? It’s a beautiful thing, but it’s going to eat all that you are if you let it. Please, release this hold it has on you. Come back to me so we can mourn the loss of our daughter together. I need my brute.”

I watched as the ice-cold look began to crack and the life came back to his eyes as they filled with tears. It was so very rare to find them there, it surprised me. I don’t know why, since I knew just how much Fae had come to mean to him the past week.

Was it really that little time?

“Beloved,” he grunted.

“I know,” I closed my eyes, feeling the moisture there as well. “I loved her dearly, too.”

“Forgive me. I’ve done something horrible,” he admitted.

“They deserved their fate,” I hushed him.

“I broke my promise to you,” he shook his head and I laughed, taking his face in my hands. So tiny next to him.

“You avenged the murder of our daughter. You brought her and her beloved back to her parents,” I smiled at him. “There is nothing to forgive. I would have done worse than simply leave a hole in the ground. I would have filled it with bodies.”

He smiled brightly, flashing those fangs that never failed to make me shiver with excitement.

“My light,” he hugged me to him.

Mary

“You need to be careful, my Queen,” the healer said, packing her bag after seeing me. “You’re very delicate right now. I know it’s hard but try not to stress yourself too much.”

“My daughter is dead,” I said flatly. “‘Stressed’ doesn’t come close.”

She just nodded and left, walking by Quinn as he came back into the room.

“Are you okay?” he asked, sitting beside me and taking my hand.

“No, Quinn. I’m not okay. I just got her back and now I’ll never have her in my arms again,” I snapped. “The hope we had before is gone. We’re looking right at the nightmare in the form of our baby girl with Death’s shroud over her. I’m not okay.”

“I’m not okay, either,” he sighed, rubbing the backs of my knuckles.

“I’m sorry, my love. I didn’t mean to snap,” I pinched the bridge of my nose with a sigh. “It’s just... She was so excited about the idea and now she’ll never...”

“What is it?” he asked softly, opening my palm and placing it on his cheek.

“She was going to be a big sister,” I whispered, closing my eyes as tears ran down my cheeks. “I’m pregnant, Quinn.”

“Seems like she knew something we didn’t,” he sighed with a soft chuckle that almost wasn’t there. “It’s good news. Terrible times, but still good news.”

“It is,” I nodded, looking at him again. “You know I always wanted a big family, but... I want my beautiful girl here for all of her siblings in more than just a story that gets told.”

“She’s a hero, darling,” he kissed my hand.

“One that I want to be alive,” I stressed.

“She is,” he put my hand on his heart. “Do you feel her in there? She lives between the beats.”

“It’s not the same thing,” I sniffed.

“No, it’s not the same thing,” he agreed. “We’ll see her again one day. In the meantime, she’s hiding away from the rest of us, happy in the arms of her Bonded. It’s what she wanted to do.”

“She was killed by a Breaker, not whisked away on a vacation,” I scoffed.

“No, but it’s how I’m choosing to see it,” he said, sniffing and clearing his throat. “I’d give up my wings for one second more with my baby girl, same as you, Mary. No one can fight death, though.”

Ben

“You’re going to get wasted,” I scoffed, looking at Blaine.

He growled and I sighed, flopping down beside him at the table in the now deserted lower levels of the encampment.

Fae and Mal’s levels.

He held the brown bottle out to me, and I took it, taking a drink of the hellfire that singed my windpipe on the way down, making hack and cough as I handed it back.

“Your ears are out,” he pointed when I caught my breath, and he took a large swallow like it was nothing.

I fixed my glamour and sighed.

“I was right there,” he said. “I couldn’t let go of that Sin, though. If I did, he would have killed us all. I saw that... thing. It looked just like Mal. I saw it kill her and I did nothing to stop it.”

“You just said you couldn’t let Wrath go,” I pointed out and he scoffed and took another big gulp.

“I don’t want to be cheered up, Ben.”

“I don’t want to fake optimism,” I answered and made a few wisps to light up the dark meeting room where we were planning this disaster just a few days ago.

Some were flowers, ferns, and weeds; the very plants that Nando liked so much. Some were winged women with a fairy flying next to her. Some were even little dogs. The thing about fox wisps is that unless we tried to make them look a certain way, they took on a form of their own. Most of the time it took on some kind of prey or a kit, since that was on our mind most often. Mine have been taken over by plant life since Nando died. Since Zane’s death, dogs showed up and now, I guess Fae and Mal have made their appearance, too.

“I dumped all of the energy I had on her. All of it. I thought, maybe if she had enough juice, she could maybe heal herself just enough,” he said after a moment. “All it did was overload her. She was dead when she hit the ground, but there might have been a chance... Until I got involved.”

“Dead is dead, Blaine. When it comes to Spirit Bonds, there is no coming back,” I shook my head.

“Maybe. We’ll never know, will we?” he said bitterly.

“We’ve lost everyone, haven’t we?” I asked him, watching a Fae wisp pat a Zane wisp on the head.

“Yup,” Blaine answered. “I’m not good, Ben.”

“Me, either,” I nodded.

“I don’t see myself coming back from this either,” he admitted.

“Nope. I don’t think anyone can come back from this,” I shook my head when he offered the bottle again. “I’m not yip-slipping again, thanks.”

He snorted and glanced up at my head before shaking his head and staring at the table again.

“Fae?”

“She was always clever with a phrase,” I chuckled. “Butt-traveling is my favorite, though.”

“That’s not what it is,” he rolled his eyes.

“Whatever you say,” I held up my hands.

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