Sunny

Taos is one of those small towns where you always know someone anywhere you go. The diner is no different.

I know Rebecca, our server, from yoga and authentic movement classes. Her eyes widen when she sees me come in with Titus. Well, nearly everyone has to look at him when we come in. He is pretty attention-grabbing. The huge, truck-like frame, the leather jacket. The silver beard and rugged good looks. He’s beautiful, and they know he must be new in town because they would’ve remembered seeing him before.

She bustles over to our table. Only then does she peel her eyes off Titus and sees the bump on my head. “What happened to you?”

“Hit and run.” I grimace and hold up my casted arm.

She gasps. “Oh no! That’s horrible.” Her eyes dart to Titus again with a question in them.

“This is Titus, my son-in-law’s father. Thank goddess he was here when it happened. He’s taking good care of me.”

Rebecca beams at him. “That’s great. I’m glad he was here, too.”

We order burgers. Titus orders mine with a gluten-free bun—I’m so touched he remembered—and fries. When they come, Titus squirts a huge pile of ketchup on my plate first, then his own.

They are simple, tiny gestures, but sweet. I’m not used to having anyone try to take care of me. Part of me hates it—I don’t want to depend on anyone. I got hurt in my first marriage—badly—and I don’t ever want to be in that position again.

But I can’t deny the appeal.

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a burger and fries kind of girl,” Titus says, stuffing several fries in his mouth at once.

“No?” I laugh. I guess when we hung out before, we didn’t do much eating out. I seem to recall we just ordered in a lot of pizzas and Chinese food. “Yes, I like meat.”

Titus growls at my smirk.

I stare at his plate, stunned to see he’s already eaten his first burger. I take a bite of my french fry. “So I thought you worked a security job, back in Wolf Ridge.”

“That’s right. I work night shifts at the brewery there.”

“So what assignment brings a security guard to Taos?”

He considers me, then shakes his head. “I can’t discuss it.”

I persist because it doesn’t make much sense. “Brewery business?”

“I’m following up on some criminal activity.”

“What kind?”

“What part of I can’t discuss it did you not get?”

I hold up my hands. “Okay, okay. Touchy. Secret brewery business, then.”

He rolls his eyes.

I wipe my lips with my napkin. “Do you think you could drive me out to my RV?”

He raises a brow. “Excuse me?”

“Because I don’t have the bus. Could you give me a ride to my place?”

He blinks at me for a few beats. “I rented that goddamn place so you’d stay put and rest. Are you seriously telling me your wanderlust has already kicked in? You can’t stay still for more than half a day?”

I sense so much judgment in his words, and I hate to admit how much it hurts. I look down at my food, suddenly not hungry.

“Seriously, what’s the rush?”

I snap my head back up. “I don’t get paid to lie around on your sofa, Titus. If I’m not making art or selling it, I don’t eat. That’s the reality of my situation.”

He shakes his head. “And who picked that situation?”

I throw down my napkin and scoot my chair back. “I didn’t ask for your help, Titus. I don’t need it. I also didn’t ask for your judgment of me or my lifestyle. Don’t worry about giving me a ride, I can find my own way home.” I dig in my purse for some cash and drop enough to cover both our meals on the table. I’m not about to let Titus do anything more for me.

“Now wait up.” He rises, too. “I’ll drive you. Just hold your horses.”

I hold up my hand. “No, really, Titus. I’m good. Thanks for everything.” I lean over to kiss his cheek to prove I’m not pissed—which I am. I just don’t want to be. I don’t want to care what this giant, manly monster of a man thinks of me.

I don’t want to fit into his rigid mold of how things should be. Or how they shouldn’t.

Yes, I’m unique. I’ve always been different. Even as a child, the other kids thought I was weird. I suppose that’s why I married so young. I was just so eager to be with someone I thought wanted and accepted me.

But my first marriage couldn’t have been more painful.

I walk out into the unfiltered sunshine of high-altitude living. Taos isn’t the kind of place you can grab an Uber, but if I walk around the plaza, I’ll eventually bump into someone I know who I can ask for a ride out to my RV.

Of course, then I’ll be stuck out there with no way of getting back into town if I need something. Maybe I didn’t think this through quite carefully enough when I made my request.

Maybe Titus was right.

Maybe I was running away again. From him.

From the vulnerability he evokes in me. Just look at how easy it was for him to hurt me and I wasn’t even giving over my heart!

No, I made the right choice. Distance is definitely the best option.

In desperate need of a mood lifter, I slip into Adele’s chocolate shop. The rich scent of cocoa rolls over me as the tall proprietress straightens from behind the counter.

“Hey, Sunny,” she calls out, her wide mouth breaking into a smile until she gets a good look at my banged up face. “Oh my God, what happened?”

“Car accident. Hit and run. I could really use a pick me up.” It’s true, although it’s not because of the car accident.

“Oh, I have the perfect thing for you, my friend. Taste this.” She slides a plate with three truffles across the counter. “My latest creation. Apricot sea salt truffle.”

I pop the little morsel in my mouth and groan. “Yes. This was exactly what I needed.” I close my eyes and savor the explosion of flavor in my mouth. “Exquisite. You truly have a gift, Adele.”

“Why does it look like your boyfriend is standing guard outside?”

“My boy—” I start to turn, but stop myself. “Oh. Titus is outside?”

Adele tucks an errant black curl behind her ear and gives me an assessing look. “Are you not into him? I kinda thought you guys had chemistry?”

“Oh we have chemistry all right. That’s sort of the problem.”

“How is that a problem?”

I lean my elbow on the counter and put my chin in it. “Makes it harder to keep my distance. Especially because the sex is so good.”

“Ah. So the sex is great but the personality isn’t there?”

I pop another truffle in my mouth. “I like his personality, too. I just… Well, I’m too much for him. Story of my like… I mean, life.”

Sympathy flickers over Adele’s expression before she hides it. “Never make yourself small for a man,” she says firmly. “You keep on living loud and proud, being who you are. The guy who’s man enough to let you be you will show up.”

My eyes smart, but I blink it away. “Yep,” I agree, because I’m only capable of speaking the one syllable without letting out a warble in my voice.

“As for this guy… if you need help shaking him—”

“Oh, no.” I wave a hand. “He would back off if I made it clear that’s what I wanted.” But it’s not what I want. That’s the problem. “I’m sure he’ll leave on his own soon enough.” The words taste sour. I select another truffle.

“When things end, you’ll still have your friends,” Adele murmurs. “We’ll all be ready to order a bottle of wine and commiserate.”

“Thank you, dear. Time heals all lies… I mean, wounds.” I stuff the third truffle into my mouth before I mix any more metaphors. “Ahem. What do I owe you?”

“Oh these are on the house.”

I smile, somewhat relieved because her truffles are damn expensive. As they should be—they’re the finest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth. “Thank you so much, darling. Well, I’d better get out there and see if I can’t lose my bodyguard.”

“Eh. Use him for the sex. You deserve it.”

I laugh. “Already have!” I sing out as I leave.

Titus is leaning up against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his massive chest and a first class scowl on his face.

I ignore him and sail past.

He gives a low growl, but doesn’t touch me, just follows a step behind.

I wind my way through the plaza, stopping to greet and chit chat with friends, knowing I’m driving Titus bonkers.

It’s his choice to make himself my babysitter. Eventually, I end up sitting down on a bench because I hit the end of the line, and I don’t have a plan yet for getting to my RV.

Titus looms over me, blocking the harsh angle of the sun. He sticks his hands in his pockets, which is a decidedly non-dominant pose. Apparently, he’s making an effort to appear conciliatory.

I look up.

“I’m going to drive you out to your RV now,” he mutters.

I purse my lips. It’s on the tip of my tongue to refuse, but that would be the definition of cutting off my tongue to spite my nose. Or whatever the saying is.

Instead, I stand. He hesitates like he wants to say something, but then just tilts his head toward the parking lot where we left the Harley and waits until I start walking to fall into step with me.

He’s smart enough not to touch me or to say anything. In fact, neither of us say a word during the walk to the bike.

“I’m parked out on Cebolla Mesa,” I tell him.

He shakes his head, unfamiliar with the area. I give him directions and accept his helmet before I climb on the back of his motorcycle.

I wrap my arms around his washboard abs—the best I can with the cast—and try not to think about how easily my body sinks into pleasure just touching him. I try to ignore the thrill of the speed on the bike and the expert way he handles it.

No, this hedonistic pleasure that Titus incites can’t be trusted. I was smart enough to walk away last time.

I need to do the same thing now.

Titus

I ought to be glad Sunny’s through with me. I called her on her shit and she walked, same as last time.

But there’s something itchy and unsettled in my center. Like I fucked up and I need to fix it.

So my compromise is making sure Sunny gets safely to her RV instead of wandering around the plaza like a vagabond.

The drive to her RV is beautiful and the place she chose to park exquisite. She’s nestled right on the edge of the Rio Grande gorge, but still among pine trees.

She has a couple solar panels on the roof, a solar shower set up in a tree and a little flower pot with wilted columbines by the front door.

“Oh, you’re thirsty, aren’t you, sweet flowers? Let me give you a drink.” The looney woman is talking to her flowers. She opens the RV and comes back out with a jug of water, which she pours on the wilted flowers. “The pot is too small,” she says to me, as if I was wondering. “It dries out too quickly and with me not coming home last night…” She pops back into the Airstream.

I want to go, but I feel uneasy about leaving her here. I know she’s a grown woman and she’s been living on her own forever, but it strikes me as extremely unsafe. She’s a fragile human female, out here in the wilderness, where no one could hear her scream.

I circle around the RV, lifting my nose to scent the air. I wish I were in wolf form, so I could really get a sense for what’s been around here. I step into a thicket of trees and catch a scent that sends a shock through me.

Shifter.

Male wolf.

Who has been out here? My buddy Buzz?

Or could this have something to do with the lab I’m looking for? Maybe an escaped test subject.

I look back toward the RV, thinking about stripping to shift, but Sunny comes back out. “Don’t feel like you have to hang around, Titus.” It would sound rude, except she’s wearing one of her bright sunny expressions. She truly was aptly named.

Reluctantly, I walk back. “Yeah, okay. I’ll find out when your bus will be fixed. You need a ride out to the bridge tomorrow to sell your wares?”

“My stuff is in the bus. I wasn’t thinking when you let him take it.”

Shit. Now I feel like the biggest dick. And I sure as hell don’t trust those tweaker coyotes not to steal her stuff. And I’m affecting her ability to make a living.

“I’ll go by and hurry them up,” I tell her, even though it’s a long drive out there. “And I’ll let you know as soon as it’s done.”

She blinks those cat eyes at me. “Thank you, Titus.”

“You need anything else?”

She puts her good hand on her hip but she’s too nice to remind me that she already made it clear she needed nothing from me.

“Right. Okay. I’ll be in touch.”

“Thanks again!” She gives a cheerful wave.

I can’t stand feeling like she’s getting rid of me, but I know she is.

Damn.

I swing a leg over my bike and start it up. When I come back, I’m going to shift and follow those scents somehow.

Sunny

“Darling, I’m fine. Truly. Titus took good care of me.” I called Foxfire as soon as I got settled. My RV functions perfectly off the grid with solar generated electricity to charge my cell phone. I just have to haul in my own water if I want to shower more than once a week because Taos only gets twelve inches a year of precipitation.

This is the first chance I’ve had to actually speak with Foxfire, although we’ve texted all day.

“I still don’t understand why Titus was there. Are you two… a couple now or something?” She sounds slightly nauseated by the thought. But children never like to think of their parents as sexual beings. Even with the sex-positive upbringing I gave Foxfire, she’s squeamish about this.

“No!” My voice sounds too high-pitched. “He’s here on business. I ran into him at the gorge bridge. And then he came to yoga.”

Foxfire makes a spluttering sound like she just choked on a sip of water. “What? What?” She laughs. “Titus went to yoga?”

I chuckle too. “I know, darling. Ridiculous. See, there was this other man at the bridge and he said he was going—”

“Okay, stop. I’m not sure I want to know any of this.”

“Well, you did ask, darling. I’m just trying to explain.”

She makes a little discontented sound. “Does it involve you having sex with my husband’s dad? Because I definitely don’t want to hear about that.”

“Okay, then the topic is now closed.”

“Oh, Sunny! I didn’t need to know!” she wails. My daughter has always called me by my first name because I wanted to parent her in a way that gave her full autonomy. I believe children, like all of us, are infinite beings. They’re just trapped in tiny bodies and underestimated by the adults around them. I tried to function from the assumption that Foxfire had her full awareness and could make choices for herself, and I was just there to help and guide, when necessary.

I laugh. “Don’t worry. I sent him on his way. I’m back at my RV now, and I’m going to be fine as soon as I get my bus back. But enough about me. What’s the status of my grandchildren?”

“Ugh, Sunny! Please.”

“I want grandchildren, Foxfire. I sent you a little bag with moonstone and rose quartz to promote fertility.”

“OMG, Sunny no. We don’t need them.”

“Oh, are you already expecting?”

“Sunny!”

“If you’re having trouble, it might be Tank’s sperm count. You can get a test to make sure.”

“Do not mention my partner’s sperm count ever again.”

“Foxfire, you know how much I love babies.”

Foxfire sighs but her voice softens. “I do know, Sunny. We’re just not there yet.”

“Well, don’t wait too long, darling. I had such a hard time, you know. I just don’t want you to pass your prime and then have the problems I did.”

“Sunny. Don’t project your fears onto me.”

“You’re right, you’re right,” I say immediately. I definitely believe thoughts create reality, and I shouldn’t ever surround my daughter with my anxieties. “Surrounding you with unconditional love and the knowledge that you’re perfect just as you are.” This was the mantra I used to send her off to school with.

I hear the smile in Foxfire’s voice. “Thanks, Sunny. I love you, too.”

“Goodnight, darling. Give that man of yours a hug from me.”

“Will do. Bye, Sunny.”

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