A Warrior's Love
Chapter 10: Confused

(Shidá’í: maternal uncle in Navajo)

(Ak’éí: family in Navajo)

A split personality? Is that a good or a bad thing? Wyatt thought to himself. In his confusion and his anger, his wolf surged forward then. The wolf in him was just as upset and now wanted out. He grabbed his head in his hands and yanked at his hair as he felt his anger rise more and more. The feelings began to overwhelm him then, it was too much to deal with as he began screaming in his head, trying to sort it all out.

He thought to himself, I thought my life was under control, and then I find all of this out. Now I feel as if my life is once more spiraling out of control and I’m so close to losing it once more. What am I then, am I an Alpha? Is that what I was truly meant to be? Uncle said he saw the alpha in me, so it must have been dominate at some point, but I’m a warrior, right? Didn’t he see the warrior in me as well as the alpha?

Lifting his head, he stared at the man across the table from him and yelled, “I’m so, confused, so very confused! Tell me, what am I? Am I an alpha? Am I a warrior? Or am I nothing but a monstrous mix of the two, out of control and crazy? Tell me, because I don’t know anymore!”

Shidá’í shook his head vigorously as he said, “No, no! You are not a monster Wyatt. Yes, you carry the alpha gene, and it is strong, that is why you are a lead warrior because you are a natural leader just as an alpha would be...”

“NO!” Wyatt shouted, wanting to argue, as he jumped up out of his chair. He felt the anger of his wolf rise dangerously once more as he said, “I’m not a leader, I can’t be a leader of a pack! Don’t you understand? An alpha would never have gone on a killing spree as I did, only monsters do that!”

Unable to stand anymore, Wyatt turned started for the back door. He needed to run, to run fast and far. With an angry growl, he thought, I needed to get out of here! I can feel it building in my chest, the anger, the pain. If I don’t leave now it will get ugly.

A cold hand gently touched his forearm before he could take more than a couple of steps. Instantly, he felt his wolf calm and he glanced over. He found his sweet mate watching him.

Becky was pale, her eyes wide, but when she spoke it was without fear. She said, “Wyatt, you need to calm down and listen to what your uncle is trying to tell you. You want to understand what makes you tick, and if you will give him a chance to explain, I think you will. Your wolf is both an alpha and a warrior. One trait brings out the other.” She then turned to look at his Shidá’í and asked, “Right?”

“Yes,” Shidá’í agreed. “As I said, Wyatt was born with the alpha gene. His mother had already told me this, and she believed it was strong in him even with his father being a warrior wolf. She told me he would need training when the time came. As I watched him grow, I too began to see it because the other pups naturally followed him. He never said much, but when he did, they listened to him, so I knew she had been right. That’s why I started his alpha training earlier than most because it seemed so strong in him and I knew he needed to be able to control it or he would eventually use his alpha strength in the wrong way.”

“What of my warrior training? Why did I not receive any training for that?” Wyatt questioned.

Shidá’í sighed, and said, “Wyatt, I saw no sign of you having the warrior gene. I thought this was because you were meant to be alpha, to take over for me. Even when I bonded with your wolf when you shifted, I didn’t sense the warrior in you. If your father had been living, he might have sensed it though because he would have known better what to look for. If he had, he would have started training you for the day you would have to control it should it ever show itself.”

“So, he would have had both kinds of training?” Becky asked.

“Yes, because warrior training and Alpha training are a bit different,” Shidá’í said. “Once into both types of training, the stronger trait would have become more noticeable and we would have known for sure what he was meant to be.”

Wyatt sat there, thinking about everything his Shidá’í had said. Shidá’í never saw the warrior in me, so it wasn’t his fault for not training me to be a warrior. But if my warrior gene was dormant, what brought it out? Does it fight with my alpha side? Was that the reason I have even more aggression then a normal warrior wolf?

“Wyatt, there is something else I need to tell you,” Shidá’í said.

His voice brought Wyatt from his thoughts.

“You know that your mom was actually meant to be alpha and she turned it over to me,” Shidá’í

Wyatt nodded, yes, he had known this.

“Well, Ben doesn’t carry the alpha gene because I was not meant to be alpha. You do because you WERE meant to be alpha just as your mom was.”

Wyatt stared at him, shocked, me, an alpha? No, why had he never told me of this, of any of it? Clearing his throat, Wyatt asked, “Why are you telling me this now? Why not years ago?”

“Because you weren’t ready to hear it,” Shidá’í said with a heavy sigh. He then continued, “Wyatt, you are so strong, and have gone through so much. I see how you lead your warriors into battle. You lead them the same way I lead the pack, with strength and determination. The warriors look up to you Wyatt, they trust your leadership and they respect you. You weren’t at your full potential though, not until now, not until you found your mate. She will completely calm the beast in you just as your mother did for your father. I couldn’t teach you control because it wasn’t something I had to be taught since I wasn’t a warrior. My wolf also has a calmer temperament because technically I wasn’t even meant to be alpha.

“Your mate will have a calming effect on you Wyatt. She will naturally calm the beast inside you even without him being trained. I suppose you could call it instant training.” Shidá’í stopped then as if to let that all sink in. He then said, “Look how she already calms you. You were in full anger mode and all she did was touch your arm. I felt your wolf calm within you instantly.”

Becky had continued to rub Wyatt’s arm as his Shidá’í spoke.

Wyatt’s wolf was now completely calm, almost as if he were sleeping. He blew a deep breath out as he thought about how much effort it usually took to calm the wolf when he was as angry. Sometimes he had to run for hours, exhausting himself to the point of dropping. His Shidá’í was right, Becky was good for him and his wolf.

“Okay,” Wyatt said. Then, after taking a deep breath he said, “So, I’m supposed to be alpha because I inherited my mom’s alpha power since she should have been alpha.”

“Yes,” Shidá’í agreed.

“If my parents had lived, you would have trained me to be alpha, right? To take your place someday?” Wyatt asked.

“Yes,” Shidá’í once more agreed.

“My dad would have taught me to control my warrior wolf, if it had become necessary though, right?”

“Yes,” Shidá’í agreed yet again.

“But, if I had met my mate sooner, my warrior wolf might have stayed dormant?”

“Maybe,” Shidá’í answered, sounding unsure. “If not though, with your father’s guidance it would have been better controlled. See this is where I too am lost, Wyatt. I don’t know if your warrior side would have remained dormant, or if it was always meant to come out at some point. This would have been something your father and I could have discussed and researched together. Maybe there are others out there who are going through the same thing because of their mixed blood, but I don’t know. This is where I feel like I have failed you.”

Wyatt shook his head, finally coming to terms with something. So, he said, “No, you did not fail me, Shidá’í. You raised me with the knowledge you had, and you couldn’t have done more. I do not blame you, for you are Ak’éí, and I love you.”

“Will he be Alpha now? Well, when you decide to step down anyway?” Becky inquired softly.

“Only if he wants to Becky. He also has the choice to do as his mom did when she passed her alpha-ship to me. He could pass it to Ben when the time comes. The only thing that is worrisome is that because they are only cousins and not siblings, I don’t know if Ben will be as the strong alpha he really needs to be to run the pack,” Shidá’í answered. “Of course, they could always run it together I suppose.”

“I need to run, to think, so I’ll be back,” Wyatt murmured. Then, he gave Becky a quick kiss before running out the door and shifting as he leaped off the porch.

Becky watched as Wyatt run out the door and she worried for him. She then thought, maybe I should go after him. So, she stood up to do just that.

“Let him go, he needs to run, that is how he does his best thinking. Actually, I think most wolves think better when they run. We tend to bond with our wolves then and together we come up with answers we may not find on our own,” Alpha Stone explained to her.

Becky turned to look at the man who had raised Wyatt into adulthood and saw the tiredness in his eyes. She asked, “So two heads are better than one?”

“Something like that,” Alpha Stone replied.

“Okay, I’ll let him be since you know him better than I do. So, how about breakfast?” Becky asked. She didn’t wait for an answered because she needed to be busy. So, she headed for the fridge, quickly pulling out a couple of steaks, some bacon, some eggs and a can of biscuits. As she worked, she made conversation by asking, “So how much older is Wyatt then Ben?”

“Eight years,” Alpha Stone answered. “Wyatt was eight when Ben was born, I was only twenty.”

Surprised, Becky turned to look at him and asked, “Wow, you were young when you became Alpha weren’t you?”

Alpha Stone smiled and agreed, “Yes, I was only eighteen. Dad made me Alpha as soon as I met my mate so he and Mom could go traveling. They died in a car accident somewhere in Italy two weeks before I turned twenty.”

Turning back to the stove, Becky flipped the steaks and started the bacon. She then commented, “So young, with so much responsibility already, and then two years later a nephew to raise on top of everything else. Does Ben know he might not become Alpha?”

“Yes. In fact, I think since Wyatt has found you, Ben has been secretly hoping Wyatt will take it anyway. Ben has never wanted the responsibility but would have taken it for the sake of the pack if he had to,” Alpha Stone explained. Then he said, “You know, Ben has always looked up to Wyatt, as a brother and when Wyatt... lost control Ben took it hard. I think he always thought Wyatt would be Alpha, even though I never said he would be, not in so many words anyway.”

“And now?” Becky asked as she turned to look at Alpha Stone once more.

“Now that he knows it is a real possibility for Wyatt to take over, I think he feels as if a load has been taken off his back. In fact, I wouldn’t be too surprised if Ben doesn’t practically beg him to take it,” Alpha Stone said with a chuckle.

Taking the biscuits out of the oven she paused, then asked, “The name that Wyatt calls you, is it uncle in Navajo?”

“Yes, I remember when he was little that was all he ever called me. When I became alpha, he asked me one day why everyone called me Alpha. So, I explained it was a sign of respect. He started calling me Alpha in public after that and would usually laugh as if he had done something funny,” Alpha Stone told her. He shook his head, looking amused as he added, “He used to be such a happy boy, even if he was quiet, there was always a twinkle of mischief in his eyes.”

When he paused, Becky saw the sad look on his face. So, she softly asked, “He stopped calling you that then, didn’t he?”

Swallowing hard Alpha Stone nodded, saying, “He did. When he came to after his break down, he never called me uncle or Shidá’í again, I was always just Alpha. It hurt, but I let it go because I felt I deserved it for failing him.”

Taking up the bacon and the steaks, Becky turned the stove off. Then she walked over to where he now stood, staring out the big kitchen window. Still speaking softly, she told him, “You didn’t fail him, you raised him the best you could with the knowledge you had. You had no idea what to with a half warrior child, and he had no idea what to do with a half warrior wolf. Yes, if you both had been less stubborn and talked more it would have helped, but under the circumstances, you did your best. You said Wyatt is respected and loved.”

“Yes, he is, very much so,” Alpha Stone agreed. “He doesn’t say much, or interact at social gatherings, but I’ve heard the other warriors talk of their respect of him. They talk of how they strive to be as good of a warrior as he is.”

“Then be proud of that because if you hadn’t done something right, he wouldn’t be respected. If you hadn’t done something right, after what happened to him, they would have no respect for him, just fear,” Becky chided him gently. She then ordered, “Now sit down and let me fix you an egg to go with your steak.”

Becky then got busy fixing Alpha Stone his two eggs, sunny-side up, and had just placed his plate in front of him when Wyatt walked back in the door. He was shirtless, and his hair was plastered to his skin with sweat.

“Go shower while I cook your eggs,” Becky ordered.

With a nod, Wyatt went. When he returned a few minutes later, freshly showered, he gave her a kiss whispering, “Thank you.”

At first, both men seemed nervous, as if their heart-to-heart had changed their relationship somehow.

Becky decided to break the ice. So, she began, “So Uncle Alpha, did Wyatt tell you what I named Jeff’s wolf when he shifted?”

“No, he didn’t,” Alpha Stone told her.

“Bacon,” Becky told him with a grin.

And just like that, the ice was broken, and laughter filled the kitchen.

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