A Vow So Bold and Deadly (The Cursebreaker Series Book 3)
A Vow So Bold and Deadly: Chapter 39

If I wasn’t popular before, I’m less so now.

The attack in the woods was terrifying, because I know Rhen didn’t send soldiers after us, and I know he wouldn’t send another regiment that far north. He was planning on yielding. I know he was.

I don’t know what this means, though. Is Lilith forcing him to do this? Or is he making this choice on his own? I keep thinking about our conversation during our last night together, when I told him that I started expecting him to make bad decisions—and how he’d started expecting me to do the same.

I came for Grey in the hopes of saving Rhen, and now I’m worried I made the worst choice of all. I’m not bringing a rescue, I’m bringing an attack.

I might feel a little better if Grey weren’t being so distant. It’s unsettling to watch him wield magic. It’s like he’s Scary Grey for a whole new reason.

But it’s more than just the magic. He seems to have stepped into a role, rising to a challenge he didn’t want. The soldiers might not wholly trust him, but they sure listen to him. And my brother! The last time I saw Jake and Grey together, hatred flared every time they made eye contact, but now there’s no tension between them. They’re friends. More than friends: They respect each other. That might be more shocking than anything else. I’ve been clinging to Jake because I don’t know anyone, but I can tell that his loyalty is to Grey, to these soldiers, to this army. To their cause.

I think of all the tension and uncertainty around Ironrose—throughout all of Emberfall, really—over the last few months, and it all makes me a bit sad.

Or maybe it’s just the fact that I’m sitting by myself, on a log, near a dwindling fire.

It’s probably an hour till full dark, and the other soldiers are beginning to pack up the horses. Motion flickers at the corner of my eye, and I think it’s Jake bringing me dinner—or breakfast, or whatever we’re calling it since we sleep all day and ride all night.

To my surprise, it’s Grey. He’s said maybe ten words to me since we left Syhl Shallow. Three of them were, “Were you harmed?” on the morning we were attacked, and when I said I wasn’t, he gave me a nod and then moved away to look after his soldiers.

“Oh, hi,” I say. “You remembered I exist.” It sounds catty coming out of my mouth, but I’ve hardly slept in days, and I’m sort of freezing.

Grey takes a branch from the ground and uses it to stoke the fire. He ignores my tone. “We will reach Ironrose by morning.”

“I know.” We’ve been staying off the beaten path, but I’ve begun to recognize towns as we’ve passed them in the dead of night.

“Iisak is flying reconnaissance, but we were taken by surprise before. Does Rhen have soldiers surrounding the castle?”

“I don’t know.”

He looks down at me, and his eyes are dark and shadowed. “You agreed to act as advisor.”

His tone says he’s not taking my crap. Maybe that works on his soldier buddies, but I just want to give him the finger. I stare into the fire. “Well, this advisor has no idea. There wasn’t an army there when Lilith or whatever it was chased me off the grounds. She killed all—all the—” I think of Zo and Freya and my chest tightens. “She killed everyone. He could be there all by himself. He could have the entire army surrounding the castle. I don’t know.”

He says nothing.

I say nothing.

I have to think of something other than Rhen being left alone with Lilith for days, because my imagination is conjuring so many awful things that could easily be true. But everything here is a glaring reminder of all the ways we’ve failed.

Eventually Grey sighs, and I expect him to turn away and storm off.

Instead, he sits down beside me.

I feign a gasp. “What will people say?”

“Quite a bit, I’m sure.” He’s quiet for a while, and I’m not sure how to fill the silence, so I don’t. Finally, he says, “I suspect you did think you would find Commander Grey here. That I would rush to Rhen’s aid.”

“No.” My voice sounds hollow. Maybe he’s right. I don’t know. “I thought I’d find my friend. I thought I’d find Rhen’s brother.” I’ve run out of tears, so I stare at the fire and breathe. “I had no choice.”

“Choice.” He scoffs. “We always have a choice.”

“You’re right,” I say. “You had a choice all those years you were kidnapping girls for him.”

“Yes. I did. I chose the path that would lead to a way out of the curse. I swore my life to him, and I meant the oath I gave.”

“Until now.”

That shuts him up. He sighs again.

“I know what you said about your soldiers,” I say quietly. “How this can’t be a mission to rescue him. How you want to see if he was serious about peace.” I pause. “But what do you want, Grey? Do you want Rhen as your brother? Or is this just a way to take advantage again?”

“Again!” He whips his head around. “When have I taken advantage?”

“When you first went to Syhl Shallow. When you declared war. You knew he was broken and hurting. You knew he was still dealing with everything Lilith did to him.”

“I did not take advantage.” His voice is tight. “His enforcers were slaughtering his people to get to me. He tried to kill Tycho. His guards would have leveled Blind Hollow. He would have—”

“He would have listened to you, Grey.” I pause. “If you’d told him the truth. From the beginning.”

He looks at me. “Do you really think so?”

I want to say yes.

But I’m not sure.

I stare into the fire. “Before … Lilith … we had this big conversation about how we forgot that the other person knew how to make good decisions. For him, the big one was what he did to you and Tycho. For me, it was choosing to rescue you.”

He makes an aggravated sound. “You and Rhen are drawn to such extremes—of heroism, of generosity, of rescue, Harper—yet you both seem determined to accomplish these feats without assistance, without even the consideration of how your acts will be viewed by those around you.”

He says this like it’s nothing, like he’s telling me grass is green, but I stare at him gape-mouthed. “What?”

He glances at me. “I’ve begun to wonder if the curse would have dragged on for so long if Rhen had just explained his predicament to each girl. If he had sought an ally instead of creating adversaries that he had to woo and charm.” He pauses. “And you yourself ran from the castle—from me, from Rhen himself—many times. Even when you were no longer running in fear, you were taking actions without a care for how that would affect his people—for how it would affect him.”

I can’t stop staring at him. Grey was always stoic and thoughtful, but he’s found a voice in Syhl Shallow, and he’s clearly not afraid to use it.

“You fled to Syhl Shallow for my help,” he continues, “without a moment’s consideration for my position, for what your request would mean to a country that offered me sanctuary—sanctuary, Harper!—after Rhen had attacked their soldiers, destroyed half their army, and imprisoned their queen when she sought an alliance.”

I swallow. He’s right. I didn’t consider any of that.

I think of my conversation with Rhen, about bad decisions that feel right in the moment you’re making them. I think of how he teased me for trying to handle situations on my own, for refusing assistance. I think of how Jake said I reminded him of Mom, how I’ve worried all this time that I was staying with a man for the wrong reasons.

Maybe I’ve been like my father, too. He wasn’t trying to make poor decisions. Neither am I. I just want to help people.

Just like Dad wanted to help our family.

The thought is jarring, and I have to put a hand to my chest—but then I straighten my shoulders.

“I came to Syhl Shallow for your help,” I say, “because you’re the only one who can stop her.” I look him dead in the eye. “And because underneath all the talk about how much you want to be loyal to Syhl Shallow, I think you want to rescue Rhen every bit as much as I do.”

He looks right back at me. For the longest time, he says nothing, but I can see the emotion churning in his eyes.

“You swore your life to him, Grey,” I say. “That meant something to you, and you can’t just turn that off, even if you think you can.”

He sighs and runs a hand across his jaw. When he looks back at me, his eyes are cool and opaque, belying my statement. Maybe he can turn it off. “You don’t know if he has soldiers surrounding the castle. Tell me what you do know.”

Ugh. Fine. Fine.

“I’ve told you everything I know. She killed everyone.” I’m reciting something I’ve told him a dozen times already. “The guards, the servants—Zo and I didn’t find anyone alive in the castle. There were bodies everywhere.” I consider the fact that I expected Chesleigh to be dead at Lilith’s hand, but hope always lets me down, so I don’t dare hope for anyone else’s escape. “A stable boy found us in the stables, and we yelled at him to run. I don’t—I don’t know if he did, or if he got away. A monster chased us off the grounds. I don’t know if Lilith turned Rhen into something—or if it was her. Or if …” I glance at the sky, and I drop my voice and shiver. “Or if it was something like Iisak.”

“He and I have spoken of that,” Grey says. “Magesmiths were once great allies of the scravers, but they were treaty-bound to Karis Luran to stay in the ice forests of Iishellasa. Now Karis Luran is dead, and it’s possible Lilith has recruited an ally.” His voice is grim.

I shiver again. “So Rhen could be stuck there with her and something like him?”

“Possibly.”

“Could she have turned him into a monster again?”

“She did it once; I have no doubt she could do it again.” He pauses. “Especially if she manipulated him into another curse. There is an element of consent in that kind of magic. Rhen agreed to the curse the first time to save his own life, and we both paid the price.”

“Can you do that, Grey?” My voice is very quiet, because I’m a little scared of the answer. “Turn someone into a … into a monster?”

“I haven’t tried.” He hesitates. “Rhen lost nearly all sense of himself when he transformed. I can’t do that to another.”

“What if …” I swallow, then rush on before I chicken out. “What if you did it to me?”

He frowns. “What? No.”

“You once said that when he was a monster, Rhen was a creature of magic who could harm Lilith. What if you turned me into something like … something like that? What if I could defeat her myself? What if I—”

“What if you tore apart my soldiers? What if you turned north and cut a swath through Rhen’s ranks? What if you killed Lilith—and then Rhen himself? No, Harper. No.”

“But—”

“What if you killed me, and no one had any hope of stopping you?” He shakes his head forcefully. “You did not see the damage he caused, season after season. You do not want that. I assure you.” He shudders, just a bit, but it’s not something I’ve ever seen him do, and it’s more profound than his words. “I assure you.”

I set my jaw and look back at the fire. He has one dagger. Even I can see that his magic won’t hold up to Lilith’s. This all feels hopeless.

“As always,” he says, and his voice is lower, more gentle, “your goals are noble. Heroic.” A pause. “As I said once before, I could have chosen no one better, my lady.”

I turn my head and look at him. He said that in the castle, when Rhen had turned into a monster. Everything seemed so very hopeless then, too.

I sniff back tears. “You do care. I know you do.”

“I do.” He looks back at the fire and sighs. “I’m just not sure it’s enough.”

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