A Heart So Fierce and Broken (The Cursebreaker Series Book 2)
A Heart So Fierce and Broken: Chapter 44

We end up sitting beneath her window, eating leftover sugared plums and soft rolls from her dinner tray, sharing the night air and enjoying the silence. Perhaps another man would be using this time to unlace the back of her sleeping shift and cajole her into the bed, but that feels insincere. I do not like the idea of sneaking into her luxurious prison to take advantage of her. This is the first time we’ve ever been truly alone together, and it makes her seem more vulnerable somehow. More precious.

I don’t know which of us is more committed to honor and duty, but I was ready to rappel down the castle wall with her on my back, so I think it is not me.

“What are you going to do if someone comes looking for you?” she says quietly.

“My rooms are not far. Iisak is listening for trouble. Jake and Noah are sitting awake, waiting for me to return.”

“Rooms?” Her eyebrows go up. “Mother truly did want to make you feel welcome.”

I sigh. “She wants me to feel something.”

“You do not trust her.”

I look at Lia Mara in the darkness. We are speaking of her mother, so I should deny it. But there have never been untrue words between us, and I don’t want to start now. “No. I don’t. Do you?”

“I trust her to do what she believes is best for Syhl Shallow.”

I roll my eyes. “Exactly.”

“If you had not discovered your birthright, would you have stayed with Rhen, once the curse was broken?”

“Yes, of course.”

But as I say the words, I realize there is no of course about it. I consider those months in Rillisk, when I was just Hawk. After an endless cycle of season after season of torture at Lilith’s hand, followed by the danger and destruction of the monster Rhen would become … there was a simplicity I craved.

I look at Lia Mara. “I was seventeen when I became a guardsman. My family was so desperate—I just wanted a way to provide for them. I don’t think the king had any idea who I was.” I shrug a little. “Or perhaps he knew, and he liked knowing I was close, even if he could never acknowledge me. I have no idea. No one keeps secrets like the dead.”

Her eyes are warm with sympathy, but she waits.

“I had only just been assigned to guard the royal family when we were trapped by the curse. I was not an officer.” I pause, remembering. “Rhen and his sisters were fickle and capricious at best, but boredom brought out the worst of their temperaments. They often lacked for entertainment, and guardsmen eager to keep their assignments were easy targets.”

“You once said Rhen was never cruel.”

“He had his moments, but true malice was rare.” I glance at her. “Perhaps cruelty is something you must learn in order to rule.”

“Do you truly believe that?”

“I see the ‘loyalty’ your mother has inspired in her people, and I think it must not hurt.”

Lia Mara frowns. “I believe you can only push people down so far before they will rise up and rebel.” She pauses. “You spoke of the curse feeling like an eternity. Even if Rhen was not cruel, I think it must have been a relief to escape that duty.”

“Yes. It was.” The words are almost a relief to say. Despite everything we endured together, there was an element of relief to finding myself in charge of my own future.

I could have told Rhen what I knew. Right then, right when I learned it from Lilith. I didn’t.

We settle into silence again. The window is full of moonlight. My fight on the field with Nolla Verin feels like a lifetime ago. I want to wish for another path but wishing solves nothing. The minutes tick by, bringing us ever closer to the moment when I must leave.

Lia Mara eventually looks at me. Her fingers drift over mine. “I’m glad you came, Grey.”

I close my fingers around hers, and she pulls me toward her again. She kisses me gently, her lips drawing at mine. Her fingers tangle in the hair at the nape of my neck, and the kiss becomes anything but gentle.

“I should have climbed up here days ago,” I say.

“Ahh. Fell siralla.” She rolls her eyes and kisses me again.

“Nah,” I say, offering the same words she spoke on the veranda so many days ago. “Fell bellama. Fell garrant.”

She blinks, then laughs in surprise. “You’ve been practicing!”

“Fell vale,” I say. I kiss her, whispering against her lips. “Gentle man.”

She blushes hotly, then presses her face against my chest. I hold her there and breathe.

The lock at her door clicks.

Silver hell. I all but leap through the window. The rope finds my hands by little more than a whispered prayer to fate. My feet fight to grip the wall as the rope swings wildly. My breath is a wild rush in my ears, the palace wall cold as ice in the night air.

Or maybe that’s Iisak, soaring through the air to land against a ledge fifteen feet above me. His black eyes peer down at me. “Problems, Your Highness?”

I stare daggers at him and shake my head vigorously.

My breathing needs to steady. I have no idea where the guards are in their patrolling, so I cannot remain against the palace wall too long—but I also don’t want to leave Lia Mara in danger. I will my frantic heartbeat to slow, then ease up a few feet to listen.

Karis Luran’s voice. “… are progressing nicely. You see now why I have kept you confined to your room.”

“Yes, Mother.” Lia Mara’s voice seems so small.

“I admit, I was worried he would attempt to turn his magic against us, but I have witnessed his attempts on the training fields. Perhaps his half-blood will work in our favor. He is not the threat the magesmiths once were.”

I can’t even scowl. She’s not wrong. And I don’t trust her. Why should she trust me?

My forearms strain against the rope.

“We have received word that Rhen’s forces are divided between cities, and we have no time to waste. The Royal Houses would like to have a gathering to offer their blessings to our generals.” Karis Luran pauses. “After your display at the last fete, I would like to demonstrate to the Royal Houses that there is no conflict between you and your sister. I would like to demonstrate that Grey is devoted to this alliance, and to Nolla Verin. You will not attend. You will keep your distance.”

“Yes, Mother.”

“You will not disappoint me again.” The threat in her voice is clear. I remember Cortney saying, The Stone Prison is not full of loyalists.

Silence.

I have to shift my weight, but I don’t want to risk it. I stare up at Iisak. He leans down a bit, until I’m not sure how he’s maintaining his balance.

My forearms are screaming. It’s surely been too long. The guards patrolling the grounds will spot me soon.

Suddenly Lia Mara’s face appears above me. Anguish fills her eyes. A tear slips free and strikes my cheek.

I pull myself up a few feet until I can brace on the window ledge.

“You must go,” she whispers.

“Lia Mara—”

“Please,” she whispers. Another tear slips free.

I reach out to brush it from her cheek. She takes a step back, out of reach.

“Go,” she whispers.

“Please. Wait.” I swallow. “We have so little time—”

She swipes tears from her face and straightens. “Please. I told you I do not matter.”

Above me, Iisak says, “Your Highness. The guards are beginning to turn back this way.”

“I can rescue you,” I say. The words come from my lips without hesitation. “This instant.”

“I don’t need rescuing.” She chokes on her breath. “Please, Grey. We knew what was at the end of this road.”

I wish for more time. There is none.

My life is full of wishes that never come true.

“This is your choice?” I say.

She straightens and wipes the tears off her face. When she speaks, her voice is unwavering and strong. “This is my choice. For my people. For yours. You said you would obey my order, and I gave it. Leave me. Be a good king.”

There is no path here. I feel as though the curse never ended. The players simply changed.

Her expression is unyielding. She gave an order, and I said I would obey.

“As you say.” I set my jaw, loop the rope around my boot, and rappel down the wall.

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